


It's Just a Question

by BenSolo_Lives



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, ben solo - Fandom
Genre: Dom/sub, F/M, Gen, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Poe Dameron/Finn Fluff, Reylo AU Week, Reylofest, Rough Sex, finn - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 67,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26118622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenSolo_Lives/pseuds/BenSolo_Lives
Summary: Rey meets this incredibly attractive guy Ben, but the short term romance ends abruptly and for reasons she can't see. Her friend Finn tries to play FBI and cyber stocks one Ben Solo in search for answers to help Rey move along. They soon find out there is much more to the story than anyone bargained for. They end up in some sticky situations that they may not be able to find their way out of.
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Han Solo - Relationship, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rree
Comments: 26
Kudos: 49





	1. I Don't Want to Be Alone Tonight

Sink another drink and don’t think about it, this is what kept her going. To think of him any longer would do nothing but hurt and that sure as hell was not what she wanted. He was so immature emotionally, she thought and she could tell. Why should she care anymore, he had made it clear he wanted her gone. She’d only been on 3 dates with him and she was not so invested that she was going to put up a fight just because he didn’t like a question she asked. 

Maybe he thought it prodding but he’d seen her tits so she thought it was fair game. As she thought back on it she should’ve asked about his family before she showed him her tits but she couldn’t help it he was sexy and she was very very single. 

She sat sipping on melted ice with a lingering taste of gin, as she looked around and realized she was the last woman in the bar she sighed. This meant it was later than she should’ve been out, she grabbed my phone and called the last person she had texted. “hello?” His voice sounded confused and She could tell She had woken him up

“hey Finn,” She started “did I wake you?” She had. 

“Rey? No I’m up” He lied 

“Ben kicked me out and I wondered down the street to a bar, I was drunk when I left his place but I’ve had at least 4 gin and tonics here and I am pretty sure if I leave this place I’ll end up sleeping in an ally.” 

“What’s the name of the bar?” He asked 

“Naboo” slurred at him, he knew it they used to hang out here before he came out, this was a great pub but there wasn’t much of a gay dating scene here so Finn stopped coming around after a while. 

“we will be right there, don’t move” He said tiredly and he hung up. Finn was her best friend and he had been since he moved to the city, he said he never felt like he belonged back home. Small towns don’t take kindly to black gay men so he had stayed in the closet until he realized Chicago was not like the rest of the Mid-West. She knew he was gay before he cared to mention it to her, not that it mattered. He was so loyal and understanding, he was the best person she knew. The kind that would leave his warm bed at 3 am to pick up his drunk best friend in a Chicago winter. 

It wasn’t until Poe walked through the door that she realized that he had said “we” on the phone. This only made her look at them with a bit more regret in her eyes, if she was being perfectly honest Rey could’ve made her way home on her own but she didn’t want to be alone. She was so sick of this dating game in this city, she was on a never ending carousel of bad guys, and douche bags and she had really thought Ben was different. Or maybe she just hoped he was because God damn he was so fucking hot. 

Finn’s eyes met hers with a sympathetic half smile, Poe looked like he was still waking up. In the time it had taken them to get there, Rey had made her way through another gin and tonic and started to seriously consider ordering another although she was pretty sure that last call was coming anyway so she decided to just wait for her company to arrive. 

“Hi Rey,” Poe said with a smirk on his face “are you ready to go?” 

Rey stood and smiled Finn helped her into her coat, he grabbed her arm and wove it through his own. They left and started walking down the cold street towards the car. Poe, still trying to gage how drunk Rey was stood on the other side just incase she needed support from both of them to walk. 

Finn broke silence and asked “Do you want to stay at our place? Poe has to go to work in 2 hours but I’m off?” Rey just nodded she wasn’t sure if this was what he wanted because he didn’t want to drive her home or if he wanted her to stay over, but Rey didn’t care she didn’t want to be alone and she was so sick of being alone. She knew Finn knew that, he knows her so well.

When they got to the apartment Rey’s buzz was going strong but she no longer felt sloshed. She walked through the door of the flat and kicked her shoes off. This was like her second home so she felt more than comfortable. Finn and Poe disappeared into the bedroom and Rey sat on the couch. When Finn walked back in to the living room he handed Rey a pair of Poes basketball shorts that she could drawstring around her waist and an old Army shirt that was Finn’s from when he served. 

“Thanks” she said somberly as he handed her the mismatched outfit. 

“Poe went ahead and got in the shower so I’ll step into the bedroom while you change. “ he said politely as if she hadn’t changed in front of him before. He was being respectful which is more than she could say for Ben Solo and her blood boiled again as she thought about him. “Rey?” Finn said after a few minuets “Are you decent?” 

“Yes love,” she called out and he opened the door. she swam in the mens clothes, she was tiny, not that they were exceptionally large, but she was just small. 

“do you want to talk about it?” Finn asked as if the question may shatter her 

“Do you want to sleep? I know you were lying to me if Poe has a shift in 2 hours you were asleep.” Poe wouldn’t be allowed to pilot an aircraft if he was tired and she knew that. 

“I am up now and you paid too much for that buzz to just sleep it off, so we can talk” he assured her. 

“I told you about Ben right?” She asked quietly, she knew she had, since the night she met him she wouldn’t shut up about how tall he was, how big his hands were, how amazing he smelt, how his lips tasted of mint, or how hot he was. 

“The accountant?” He asked but he knew..

“Thats the one,” she sighed “We went out two other times and the second time I spent the night, and I was so excited when he asked me out tonight because I really thought he was going to ghost me since I had already, ya know?” 

Finn nodded knowing how most men operate. 

“well so I was making dinner in his apartment, and holy shit you should see this apartment, he’s got a door man and the-“ 

“Rey” Finn interrupts, knowing her drunk tendency is rambling. 

“Right so we are in his place and I start looking around and I notice his apartment is stark, and I mean like American Psycho stark, so I started asking about his family and he laughed and I thought it was kind of strange, so I asked again and he slammed his glass against the wall and asked me to leave.” 

“Fuuuuckkkk him” Finn said

“ I know I mean he was across the room and I wasn’t scared or anything I just thought it was bizarre and I decided to just go, I didn’t think he was drunk but maybe he was and maybe he’s an angry drunk?”

Finn shook his head “We don’t need that in our lives though thank you.” 

“You know what sucks the most out of all of this?” She asked

“is it how nice his apartment was?” 

“no its how fucking hot he was.” She said half giggling 

Finn stood up and looked at her “I’m gonna make Poe a breakfast sandwich he can take to the airport, do you want one?” 

“no, I think maybe I should start sleeping off this buzz.” She told him frowning 

“Go sleep in the bed then” Poe said as he walked out of the bedroom pulling his suit case behind him dressed in his uniform. He removed his hat and placed it on the counter before leaning in to kiss Finn’s cheek. Rey moaned at the sight of this 

“you two are too cute it’s not actually fair.” 

“go to bed and when I get back from dropping this one off I’ll come cuddle you” Finn said to her adoringly 

Rey walked into the room and climbed into the soft bed, she knew it wouldn’t take her long to fall asleep, she just hoped she wouldn’t be dreaming about stupid Ben Solo. 


	2. Americano and Size 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is having not the best day but maybe the prospect of connecting with someone in what has been a lonely city may be the silver lining he needs to get through his morning meeting.

Ben’s phone buzzed in his pocket, 

Ben had seen who it was from and hardly gave it regard, he did check the message though because he hates having post notifications on his home screen. He slid his phone back in his pocket as he walked into the elevator in his apartment building. 

He didn’t have much hope for the day ahead, another day of work, he liked his job well enough but he had never really had anything truly his own. He worked as an accounting executive, but it wasn’t as glamorous as it all seemed. He was born into the job, he didn’t rightfully earn it. His mother’s adopted family owned the company and it was passed on to her, and he assumed one day it would be his. He was fine with working there but this isn’t what he dreamed his life would be, it was just expected. In college he took many different interests but was told in so few words that he was going to do things the way his parents wanted or not at all. 

He thought more of the world than running a cooperation but he wasn’t left much choice. He was smart and although accounting wasn’t his specialty he jumped at the job when the opening became available in Chicago, away from headquarters, away from everything. It wasn’t as if he needed to be more skilled or have better references he just needed the board to vote on it and given his temper they thought it would be best to not have him around so much, to them at least, Ben was not a pleasant person. 

He had been in this city for nearly 2 months and aside from the people he worked with he didn’t really know anyone, he hardly remembered the name of the doorman. 

Ben strolled into the Starbucks on the corner near his office, he was not used to buying his own coffee but he decided to skip asking for his assistant to get it and grab it on his way in. He’d arrived early today since he had decided to skip his morning run. He hadn’t been sleeping well and he wasn’t sure why, but that just meant he was able to get his coffee how he wanted instead of hoping that it would show up hot and before his morning meeting. Ben came from money so spending $4 on coffee everyday didn’t seem like a big deal to him, so much so that he had neglected his overpriced coffee machine in his apartment.

He walked out of the Starbucks with his Americano in hand, he usually had a protein shake at home but since he skipped the workout he just made an egg and some toast. He knew the housekeeper was coming tomorrow so he rinsed the pan not too bothered with cleaning anything before he left. He rounded the corner and before he had the chance to take his first sip someone bumped his arm and his coffee fell to his feet. He jumped back a bit but his feet were huge and couldn’t avoid the splatter of the dark coffee on his leather shoes. Ben was quick to anger, it was a family trait, and he would have normally called the person who bumped his a variety of unsavory names but he decided he was too tired to let it be one of those days. As he bent over to collect the empty paper cup and the lid he noticed that whoever it was who had bumped him continued to walk by without so much as a passing glance. He threw the cup away and let out a grunt under his breath.

He didn’t have time to go home to change his shoes but he could feel the warm liquid seeping trough his sock. He took a turn and ran across the street into Macy’s, he grabbed new socks and was walking into the shoe department. “Excuse me miss, could I get this in a size 14?” He asked shortly

The woman did not turn to him or respond and this was getting to be too much for 9 A.M, “excuse me miss.” He said a bit more harsh this time the woman turned to him, 

“oh I am so sorry, sure let me go look” she grabbed the shoe from his hand and disappeared into the back room. He stood waiting checking his watch and tapping his foot. He didn’t like to be late and he knew at this rate he would be. Minuets later she returned and handed him the box, would you like to try them on?” She asked and he shook his head no. 

They would fit, he knew he was a 14 in Burberry no matter the style. She walked him to the counter and he handed her the socks “that’ll be $376.72” she said as she smiled at him, it was as if she had looked him in the face for the first time since he walked in.

“American Express?” He asked 

She nodded, she noticed as he handed her his card he was not wearing a wedding ring, “can I see your I.D. please?” She asked softly as if her words would break his ridged face. 

He flashed his wallet and her and she nodded. “Ben Solo,” she sang looking down at the card and back up at him, “I know this is kind of out of the blue, but I have to ask,” she said with intent “do you have a girlfriend?”

Ben half rolled his eyes, he did not have a girlfriend but he was not in the mood to deal with this after the morning he was having. His last relationship didn’t end well, at all, it was very bad. It was another reason he wanted to get out of New York. The woman in front of him did not peek his interest and he was about to lie and say he did but before he could get the words out she was showing him a picture on her phone,

“This is a friend of mine, she’s single and a wonderful writer, maybe I could set you two up?”He politely looked at the phone thinking he would be able to brush it off and make it to his morning meeting but he had to admit she was cute and there had been little prospects in his dating life. It had been 3 months since his break up and that was if you could even call it that, it was more of a casual hookup situation, but it had been 3 months since his last hook up. He was not yet desperate enough to join Tinder but he would admit he’d had lonely nights since being in Chicago. He looked at the woman’s name tag and it read Rose, he looked up and said 

“Rose, she is beautiful but I am kind of in a hurry and-“ 

she quickly handed him his card back and shoved his purchase in a thick paper bag. She grabbed his receipt and before placing it in the bag she wrote a name and number on the bottom. “Just a thought Ben, she’s an amazing person and she works at the Sun Times so she’s got a lot of connections.” 

Rose was trying to sell her friend to him, and she thought it might be working. “I’ll think about it, Rose.” He said, trying politely to take the bag from her hands as quickly as he could. 

“Have a great day” she called after him as he rushed out. 

When he got to his office he removed his socks and shoes, he placed them in the bag but before he did he pulled the receipt and looked at the phone number she had written on it, he chuckled. 

Ben knew he was handsome and he was, but it is always nice to be acknowledged as such by a woman. This stroked his ego. He folded the paper and placed it in the inner breast pocket of his suit. 

“Rey” he said again softly as he pushed a little air from his nose and shook his head. He put on the new socks and shoes and after tying the laces he looked at his watch once again. He was definitely late to his meeting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, so 4 people gave me kudos and I know that's nothing to some people but this made my day! My day is going about as great as Ben was in this chapter so you guys are my silver lining. I know there is a lot of fluff and if you're like me reading fan fiction you itch until the first meeting or kiss, BUT! I want to make this kind of long. I have been reading a lot of Reylo and it makes me so sad when it ends so I want to write something that is not going to be read all in one day. I hope you like that idea. Also I am open so suggestions because I am actively writing and so if there's anything you think would be better or would like to see in future chapters let me know! <3


	3. A warm body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey discovers that Rose is playing match maker, but she is too busy being a boss.

“Rey!” 

“Hi Rose,” 

“Are you busy?”

“I’m on the L” 

“Okay, well I met this guy and I gave him-“

“Rose, I swear to God, “ this was not the first time Rose had done this, she’s been married for 2 years and was beginning to become bored with the lack of luster in her love life and had began prodding into Rey’s for the last 4 months, 

“Listen before you get mad he bought Burberry shoes okay?!” She said this like Rey was supposed to be impressed. 

She wasn’t. 

“Is that how well you know him? He was shopping and you gave him my number? How do you know he’s not insane?” 

Rose could tell this conversation wasn’t going well and she hadn’t expecting it to. This was a curtesy call “His name is Ben, give him a chance he’s tall, love you bye” she hung up before Rey could respond. 

Rey acted like she was trying to avoid these situations. She wasn’t sure why Rose had become especially good at sending a line of random men her way but she blamed it on her job. She sees strangers all day everyday and can’t help but to find a small twinkle in each of their eyes, or so it seemed. 

The L let out a loud noise as it stopped and Rey got off, she walked to work in the chill of winter clinging to her coat. She had been writing at the Sun Times for nearly 6 years now and she loved her job. She loved investigating, she loved meeting people with interesting stories, and she loved that she got to have a voice. She walked down the bridge and Finn was standing there waiting with a cup of coffee in each hand. She smiled at this gesture as if it were uncommon. They worked together for 4 years, he was a photographer and had become her favorite collaborator when she got a feature that needed pictures. She grabbed the coffee and kissed his cheek, “hi handsome,” she said as she pulled away. 

“Whats up?” He asked, as they started walking into a sea of people shuffling in to their skyscraper office buildings. 

“Rose,” she groaned 

“Not even 10 A.M? Wow good for her.” He said with slight sarcasm. Finn did not have sympathy for Rey, she would complain about the match making but would always go on the date. He knew she didn’t want to be alone she was ready to settle down, she just didn’t want to settle. 

“Ugh,” she moaned over dramatically, “why am I friends with any of you?” She said jokingly 

Finn didn’t respond he just walked ahead of her and opened the door to the building and she gave him a half smile and started fumbling for her key card to get through the turnstile. She felt her phone buzz from her jacket pocket, 

Rose: Here’s a pic I found online, cute huh? 

She attached a screen shot from some news article online. It wasn’t Chicago news because Rey had her hand on the pulse of Chicago news and this was a face she hadn’t seen. 

The article was cropped out so she couldn’t read it but she saw a black and white pixelated picture of a handsome solemn man. His nose was propionate and his hair was dark and longer than you’d expect for someone so serious. Even through the pixels Rey could tell he was handsome, and her belly tingled slightly to think this man had her phone number. She couldn’t let Rose know she was pleased, that just wasn’t Rey, she left the message on read. 

————-

It had been 2 days since the call from Rose and Rey had began to forget about the stone faced stranger. Her phone buzzed as she sat at her desk typing up her latest article about the budget cuts the government had made to the inner city schools leaving kids without the resources they need to succeed. She finished her paragraph before regarding her phone, 

She wasn’t sure why the blood rushed to her cheeks. Rey was a strong woman but her heart would ache for someone to care for. She had never been in love. She’s had boyfriends but she was always sure they couldn’t handle her strength. She wanted a man but made it very clear that she did not need one. This was hard for most men to accept and she had yet to truly find an equal. 

She responded after a few minuets 

He was short and not exactly interesting but it’s hard to read a stranger through a text. Rey knew she could get a reservation at Eisley anytime, when she first started at the Times she had written an amazing food review for them when they first opened, and it really put them on the map. She could’ve gotten the reservation for Saturday but that would’ve been another night alone and she didn’t see the point in waiting. 

——-

Rey finished her article and submitted it to her editor. She worked on her laptop the night before so she would make her deadline and be able to leave work early to get ready for her date. She hadn’t thought much about him as a person, as cold as that sounded. He was a warm body that could save her from that lonesome feeling she had gotten when it seemed like the rest of the world was asleep. When she got home she threw her bag on the sofa and walked into her bathroom, she didn’t fuss too much with makeup but she applied a light layer to freshen her face and took her hair down from her bun. Her hair had a bit of wave to it that would curl to frame her face just by giving it a twist. 

As she got dressed she only debated her outfit for 3 minuets. She was not one to second guess herself, once it was on she was more than happy with her appearance. She grabbed her coat and her purse and started texting as she walked back out her door. 

Rey: I am leaving now, see you soon. I am wearing a blue dress and a black coat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is moving fast because I didn't realize how much fun I'd have writing this. I hope you guys are liking this I have a few juicy ideas ahead but Rey and Ben meet in the next chapter. Please leave ideas and suggestions I'd love to see them!


	4. With A Twist?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben meets Rey for the first time and is overcome by the way she makes him feel. God, she's beautiful. He can feel a side he's buried start to resurface.

Ben wasn’t happy after his lunch meeting, the board handed him this job but if he was honest with himself he was still so unsure how to do it properly. The higher ups were going easy on him until now because he was Leia’s son, but it was becoming clear that he wasn’t finding this job came natural to him. 

He approved an incredibly generous amount of money to the marketing department without taking into account that there would be no return even close to the amount they were asking for. Ben didn’t think about money, he never had to perhaps he should have taken that into consideration before he got this job. 

Every department asked for more than they needed so that they could get as much as they could work with the largest budget possible. When he walked into his lunch meeting the last thing he was expecting was a tongue lashing from his mother on conference call in front of all his regional bosses. 

When he returned to his office his assistant must have gone to lunch because he was not around for Ben to yell at. He had a strong mother and father so all of his life he struggled to establish his dominance and when he reached manhood it came easy to him as long as they weren’t around and it was a feeling he craved. He wanted to feel powerful, it had been too long since he felt the power he deeply needed. It had been 3 months. 

He sat at his desk and noticed the receipt from his shoes sitting there. There was a note attached 

“Dry cleaner found this in your pocket and I wasn’t sure where you’d want it” it was his assistant’s writing. It was a split second decision and he texted her. He was pleased that she responded and was even more pleased when she decided where to go. He didn’t care much to make trivial decisions like these. It didn’t matter. 

—— 

He groaned, he didn’t like being late and she was going to be late if she was just now leaving. He guessed her friend didn’t mention that he’d seen her picture because she made a note to tell him what she was wearing. He thought it best if he got their table, the wait staff could introduce them it would be less awkward that way, he hoped. 

He checked his watch and it was 7:57 when she walked through the door. She was so striking he almost didn’t care, almost. 

He noticed her the moment she walked in. She was wearing a black peacoat that hung down to her knees, black tights, and ankle high black boots with a one inch heel. Her face was fresh and he noticed her plump pink lips, her face had a rosy flush but he couldn’t tell if that was makeup or the wind. She slid off her coat and handed it to the host and she was wearing a form fitting blue dress with a square neck line. She was beautiful, and he coked slightly when as he admired her figure. It wasn’t until he stood to push in her chair that he realize how much of her back was exposed. The sight of this and the way her dress clung to her bum made him shiver. 

“Ben.” He nodded as he sat 

“Rey,” she said and reached forward to shake his hand. “I’m glad to meet you”

He looked at her with a wild look in eyes, she would do nicely. He cleared his throat as though she could hear him think, 

“So Rose said you’re a writer?” He asked not knowing what to say, 

“yeah I have been writing for about 6 years now, in Chicago. What is it that you do?” 

“I’m an accountant” he responded knowing that when he said that nobody questioned him further and that was a part of his job he liked. “I moved here about two months ago” he told her. 

She filled up the meal with polite small talk, asking if he had many blind dates, why he moved to Chicago, red or white wine? 

He responded short but thoughtful, happy to have mindless conversations with such a beautiful woman. A few, but none since he moved here, a new job opportunity, Red always red. 

Her face lit up, she told him all the places he’d have to see, the places she loved. She talked most of the night which Ben liked. He saw her passion and this only made him want her more. He offered a few anecdotes to assure her he was listening, and he was. Her smile made his stomach flip and he wasn’t sure if it was from his loneliness or if she was as incredible as he thought in that moment but it was a feeling he was welcoming. 

She will do very nicely 

After dinner he offered to walk her home, she laughed and said it was too far but she was happy to walk him home. 

They strolled through the park and started walking up a street shed been down many times. It was cold so they kept their hands in their pockets but Ben made it a point to graze his arm to her elbow any chance he got without making it seem obvious. It was nice to look at a beautiful woman that he could touch who was enjoying his touch and his company. They lingered outside his building for a moment, it came out like word vomit when he asked, 

“did you want to come up for a drink?” He asked and slightly cringed as he realized what his mouth was saying. 

“sure,” she said with a side smile and they walked into the lobby of his building. 

They entered the apartment and he flipped on the lights, he grabbed the ice bucket from the bar cart in the living room and walked to the kitchen to fill it from the freezer. Rey had removed her coat and when he saw the dress clinging to her body from the side, his knees turned to jello. He walked up to the cart, 

“what can I get ya?” He asked as he started rolling up his sleeves. 

“gin and tonic?” She asked 

This wasn’t a daring choice but it surprised him, she had been sipping white wine all night. He reached to the bottom and grabbed a lemon and asked if she wanted a twist. She smiled and nodded yes. 

Ben poured himself a Whiskey over ice and gestured for Rey to join him on the couch. He sat in his usual spot and she walked over and sat next to him. He was happy when her knee touched his but he was holding back a smile as to not give himself away. She took a sip and looked up at him through her lashes, 

“You’re place is beautiful,” she said softly as she lowered her glass 

He wasn’t sure what her intentions were but he was sure that she was flirting, with a half grin in his low register he said “thank you, the view is what sold me.” As he placed a hand on her knee. 

This made Rey visibly flush and she bit her bottom lip and took another sip. Ben took the last sip on his drink and before he could think his lips meet hers with a sense of urgency, and he could feel her melting into him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it will be exciting to see these overlapping scenes from both angles but let me know if it is too repetitive, I am so unsure and I don't want to let you all down.


	5. Makes Me Look Desperate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's POV on her and Bens first sighting.

Rey was not nervous as she walked down the steps of the L, she was hopeful but she knew if nothing else that she was about to eat some amazing food. Rey liked to cook but it seemed pointless to do it herself, so her nights were filled with take out and frozen dinners. She loved being around people, not even ones she knew just people in general. She loved the city for this reason the more of a crowd the better. It made her feel apart of something, less alone. 

She strolled down the road and she saw the illuminating sign to Eisley in the distance and she got flutters as she started thinking about the serious stranger she was about to meet. When she walked in she handed her coat to the host and mumbled to him “Reservation for Ben S” as if she didn’t want him to hear his name in case he was in ear shot.

“right this way miss” he said as he opened his arms towards the dining room. A sea of strangers sat filling the tables, the chatter was bubbling and there was the sounds of wine glasses toasting as people began drinking. She was in her element. Her eyes searched as the waiter guided her closer to her table and she saw him stand.

Rose was right he was tall, she quickly shook her head to the side as if she were putting on her 'first date mask’, making It less obvious that she was checking him out when he pushed in her chair she noticed he smelt of Dior and she felt blood rush to her face. He introduced himself and she reached her hand across the table to shake his hand, she shuttered when he touched her. His hands were large but not rough, he was pale and every bit of exposed skin was covered in freckles. He was in a white button down shirt that was open at the top and a black suit. His hair was neat full of beautiful black waves. His eyes were a glowing whiskey brown and when he smiled she saw the beautiful imperfections in his teeth.

Rey could talk endlessly about Chicago, she loved it here. She moved here when she was 22, fresh out of college. She went to Oregon State to study journalism. She never wanted the fake Hollywood writings or the cut throat pace of New York. Chicago was the greatest love of her life. She walked Ben back to his apartment. She loved walking through this part of the city at night. It wasn’t as safe in her neighborhood and so she took advantage of the purpose this walk offered. 

“sorry about Rose,” she said lightly “makes me look desperate…” she trailed off walking along side Ben, she noticed the small touches he was offering her through the night and her nerves were jumping. 

“No, not at all, I am glad I spilt coffee in my shoes,” he was trying to ease her mind she could tell and he laughed. What a sight he was when he laughed. 

“did you want to come up for a drink?” He asked as they lingered at his apartment door 

Rey took a deep breath, usually she would turn him down, she was not an easy lay. She knew as a woman she held the power to have sex when she wanted to because any man may be so lucky, but when she looked up at Ben she saw his half smile twitch and it made her giggle under her breath. “Sure” she said with a smile and followed him through the door. 

The marble floors ran up the walls in the lobby, and she tried not to gawk at the beauty of it. In the elevator his smell filled the air and she wasn’t sure if it was him or the white wine making her head spin. She walked in after him and removed her coat, hoping it would mentally cool her off as well as physically. She looked around and was not sure she expected his apartment to be so bleak. It looked very much like a single man lived there but she assumed it was one of those places where a decorator was almost mandatory. 

Her heart had truly skipped a beat as she looked out the wall of windows behind his couch and took in the view. She had seen the city like this before from office buildings and event centers but to think of living this way was an aspiration of hers. He looked at her sheepishly as he made her drink and when he sat on the couch she knew she wanted to be close to him. Her breath drew shallow as he touched her and her heart pounded in her ears when he kissed her. 

She wrapped her arms around his broad tone shoulders and make little noises as he kissed her deeper. He was good at this, he pulled away for a moment and he smiled it made her throat feel as if it would close up. 

“Is this okay?” He asked softly 

Rey stood over him and put her legs on either side of his knees and slid onto his lap. 

He continued to reach for her lips desperately as she moved her body to his chest, he let out a deep groan from the bottom of his throat and she felt his hands begin to move up and down the sides of her. She heard the first alert and ignored it, then the second and she made eye contact with him as she heard the sixth come in.

“hold on,” she said sounding annoyed as she stood up she could see the outline of him in his pants and she was silently pleased with herself. She walked to her coat laying on his kitchen island just across the room and pulled out her buzzing phone 

“fuck fuck fuck,” she said and met Ben’s eyes with a disappointed sigh. “It’s my boss, he has a lead on a big story, it will probably be front page Sunday. He’s offering it to me.” She said that last part almost as a question even though she was already putting her coat back on. 

“If you want you can go, I didn’t force you up here and I am not going to force you to stay.” You could hear the aggression in this statement. 

This surprised her “Ben I know,” she said trying to calm the tension “look I don’t want to leave but this is a big deal for me, its a shooting, a diplomat.” She said with a pouting face. 

Ben stood and helped her grab her stuff, “Can I call you a car?” He asked begrudgingly

“No that’s okay I can get an Uber.” Her eyes met his and she leaned in to kiss him pulling him by the collar. His kiss had surfaced and was just superficial. She let out a groan, “call me though” and she walked out the door before he could respond. 

She was on the phone waking Finn once she was in the car, she would need pictures and he was her guy. She didn’t mention the date to him, she always had Find My iPhone on and it was almost a game to her friend group to be checking periodically. They never said anything unless they were having a hard time reaching someone but Rey didn’t think she needed to tell anyone about her date just yet. She was sexually empowered which is rare for women but she didn’t care about being on a hook up or a date. This time though, she was worried that he was going to ghost her after her abrupt exit. 

Rey stayed up all night with her legs folded on her small couch typing up the article, deleting it and starting again, at around 11:15 am she sent it in to get her editors approval so it could make Sunday morning news.

She was absolutely exhausted and a little disappointed after the high of submission wore off. She collected herself long enough to walk from the couch to her room. She placed her phone on her rattan night stand and pulled the soft white blankets up to her chin. Her eyes closed and she fell into a deep sleep. 

The buzz of her phone woke her and she was glad. It was nearly 6 pm and she didn’t want to have her entire sleep schedule off for days. She felt rested enough that she began to lift herself from her bed long enough to realize the intense hunger she was experiencing. She walked to the kitchen and pulled out a frozen stir fry bowl and threw it in the microwave. She ate quickly to remove the empty pain she was feeling in her stomach.

She decided it was a good idea to shower since it had been nearly two days. She got in and let the warm water run over her and felt her body relax. She closed her eyes to rinse the soap from her hair and for a reason unbeknownst to her she saw flashes of Bens face. She touched her lips as the water ran down her face remembering the way that he felt and feeling an ache between her legs when she thought of sitting on his lap. 

It had only been 24 hours and this man had already made her question her desirability. No text, no call. She ignored it as she turned the water off. She grabbed her phone again just to double check, nothing. She couldn’t blame him she did run out of his place as fast as she could. 

She opened their messages to start typing, maybe they could finish what they started? She typed the word ‘Hey’ into the message bar and clicked her screen closed before she could send it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think from here on out the chapters won't overlap as much I just thought this one was important because we want to know the first time she meets Ben. Also lets normalize sexually liberated females.


	6. Baby Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finds it in his heart to forgive Rey

Warning: This chapter contains sex, there is verbal permission however it is not of a gentile nature.

Ben’s chest started heaving and he pushed through. He had skipped 3 runs this week and he felt like he had to make up for it. It was cold out but the sweat still dripped from his hair around his ears. The only time he tied up his hair was when he ran and it was just the bit that hung on his forehead. 

He was circling back toward his building when he decided he would make another lap around the block. As he turned the corner the news stand caught his eye. He slowed and grabbed a Sunday paper, Chinese Diplomat Shot by Rey Johnson. He gave a half hearted chuckle, threw the paper back down, and started running again.

She hadn’t lied to him, this was the first time that occurred to him since she ran out the door Friday night. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, kicking himself for kissing her too soon. That is what he thought this was, she didn’t want to hook up so she left. He noticed the side smile she tried to conceal when she saw the stiffness in his pants and he had thought of it again in the shower as he released himself. Maybe he would call her, he thought

“Hello?” Her voice sounded surprised 

“I saw your article.” He said his voice sounding smug 

“I’m glad you had so much faith in me” 

“Look I was uh, I was kind of an ass. Let me make it up to you.” He stated this as more of a demand than a question. 

“I don’t know I am very busy,” she was very clearly teasing him. 

“too busy even for a drink?” He asked his voice sounding more gentile. 

“We could do drinks,” she dragged out “but it would have to be during the week I have plans with my friends this weekend.” 

“Thursday okay?” He asked “There’s this cute bar in my neighborhood-” 

“Naboo, she interrupted I love that place.” Of corse she did. 

“okay I can meet you there at 6?” He asked 

“7,” 

“7” he laughed “see you then Rey” 

When he hung up he couldn’t help the dumb grin on his face, it didn’t last long though his assistant buzzed his office phone, “your mother is on line 1 sir” 

He rolled his eyes and answered the call. It wasn’t about work this time, she was getting onto him for not answering his dads text. Leia and Han were not together anymore but they were still friends so family drama became everyones problem. He and Han got into a fight the last time they’d spoke and Ben wouldn’t care to remember it. He pushed it out of his mind and told his mom if she wanted to talk about personal issues she needed to call him on his cell after working hours. She wouldn’t because he wouldn’t answer and that’s why he wanted her to do it that way. 

— 

Ben wore something more casual this time a simple pair of black jeans and boots, he paired it with a get button down open again at the top and a leather jacket. He arrived early ordered a beer and sat at a table. He pulled out his phone to see if he’d received an “I’m on my way” text and he had not. He looked at the clock and it was 6:58 so he waited. 

He was three beers in before he realized that she wasn’t coming, he decided to enjoy himself. He ordered a whiskey on the rocks and shot it down like water. He decided he’d want at least two more. He checked his watch again, trying to hold on to any bit of hope and he groaned when he realized it was already 8:15. Ben had been dumped before but never stood up. His buzz was coming in stronger than he intended when he decided to text her. 

Rey: *calling* 

“Hello Rey?” Ben was concentrating on his words so he wouldn’t slur 

“Now I am the ass! I completely forgot I’ve been so wrapped up in this story” 

“You don’t have to lie to me, I just don’t understand why you agreed to come if you didn’t want to see me” 

“Are you still there? I could come now?” 

“I’m gonna head home, I think it’s starting to become obvious to the bartender that my date didn’t show” he said slightly mortified 

There was about a twenty second pause and Rey said “I could come for a drink at your place?” 

This peaked Bens interest, it sounded like she was trying to skip the courting and get straight to the hooking up and he liked her but he wasn’t going to argue with her on this. “You know where I live.” He said and he hung up. 

Ben stumbled home, he stopped at a store and grabbed a bottle of white wine and a coffee to help sober himself up a bit. When he walked through the lobby he stopped and left Rey’s name with the door man so she could get up. He put the wine in the fridge and brushed his teeth. He lit the threshold candle on his coffee table and put on an old jazz record. He’d removed his coat and boots and rolled up his sleeves, ran his hand through his hair and waited. 

When she knocked he got giddy but took his time getting to the door. She walked in and he thought his heart may stop. She felt bad she must have, she removed the black coat the same one from last week and she was standing in nothing but dark blue lingerie tights and black heels. 

One look at her and he could speak. He placed one hand under her knees and the other across her back and scooped her up. He carried her to his room and threw her on the queen size bed. His mouth was desperate for hers and hers for his. He slowly removed each of her shoes and kissed the inside of her calf each time. He removed his shirt and her eyes lit up at him. He began to kiss her again and then he stopped to look at her. He stood at the edge of the bed, her knees bent and touching and her elbows propped her up.. 

“Is this okay?” He asked 

She shook her head yes 

“What do you want Rey?” He asked her in a low slow voice 

Rey slowly parted her knees, Ben didn’t move. She removed her stockings and pulled her hair from its slicked back bun. “come here Ben” he sat on his knees between her legs and she kissed him something fierce. 

“Say it.” He demanded 

“Take me” she demanded back. She looked surprised when he stood back up. He grabbed her by both ankles and in one swift motion she was laying on her stomach. His hands landed on the small of her back and she winced. 

“Don't. Move.” He sounded serious 

He grabbed a tie from his wardrobe and wrapped it around her wrists tying above her head. He did this silently and slowly and she let out a little gasp anytime he touched her flesh. He removed his belt from his waist and folded it in half. 

It hit him like a bus, this is what he needed this is what she would work well for. He popped his wrist and the belt flew down and smacked her ass. She jumped and squealed. 

“You broke our date” Ben reprimanded “You were bad.” 

She squealed again “yes I was.” She laughed 

He spun around and grabbed her face pinching until her mouth was collapsing on itself “yes sir” he demanded 

“yes sir” she repeated. 

he threw his grip off her “you were also late to our first date.” 

“Yes sir” he smacked her with the belt again 

“You also made me hard and then left me on our first date.” 

“Yes sir” she said smugly 

He hit her again and walked over to her head. He pulled her by her arms, “roll over” he demanded. He grabbed her and pulled her until her head and neck hung off the bed. “Open” he said running his hands across her plump pouty lips, she obeyed. He took his pants and boxers down in one quick jerk and shoved himself into her mouth. 

She took it in and moaned at the taste of him. He untied her outfit from around her neck as he pulsed his hips into her gagging mouth. He watched as his movements made her tits bounce and he groaned in pleasure. 

He pulled himself away to look at her in, she was beautiful droll running down her chin. He circled the bed and pulled her legs until her butt was on the edge of the bed. He pulled her nighty and threw it on the floor and freed her hands. “stand” he said and he kept eye contact as he hunched himself down to grab her ass. Her hands wrapped around his neck and he lifted her off the ground like she was weightless. He placed one knee on the bed and then the other as he walked them back to lay her head on the pillows. Never taking his eyes off of hers. He began kissing her neck and her collarbone. He left love bits down her chest and she moaned with each one. 

“Ben” she pleaded “Ben” 

“Bad girl” he whispered as he continued to kiss his way down her body. 

He got between her legs and started kissing her thighs, she twitched and he knew she was in pain. “what do you want Rey?” He asked quietly almost singing 

Her head rolled as if she forgot how to talk. 

“Reyyyy?” He said again 

“Ben,” she said desperately “Please touch me , kiss me, fuck me.” 

This sent Ben wild he threw his head down and started eating her fiercely. She let out a sigh of relief as he licked her clit laying his tongue flat and moving in a rapid rhythm. “You tell me when you’re gonna come” he told her and he burrowed his head backdown into her cunt. 

“Ben I- Ben oh” she was climbing he could hear it 

He lifted his head and let her fall, she looked up at him and saw his devilish grin, “not yet baby girl.” He teased. 

She threw her head back in frustration. 

He grabbed her ankles and placed them on his peck muscles as he slipped himself inside of her. She yelled loud and the hair on the back of Ben’s neck stood up. 

“Fuuuccck” she yelled “harder” she demanded 

Ben was going to make her regret that. He pounded harder and harder and she began to whine “is this why you came here baby girl?” He asked as his body crashed into hers “is this what you wanted, for me to punish you?” He asked 

“yes sir” she answered and she didn’t stop “Yes sir, yes sir, yes yes yes sir” she moaned 

Every yes made him want to slam into her harder and faster and he did “come on me!” he yelled “now!” 

She did “yes sir” her body twitched and he kept going even as she lay still. 

“Where do you want me bad girl?” He asked her in a nicer tone 

Before she could answer him Rey pushed herself up off her back and swung her head around to catch him in her mouth. She let her throat relax and moaned as he pushed his hips into her face. He pulled her hair as he moved and she moaned even louder. 

“yes,” he growled low “fucking take it” as he exploded in her mouth. She did take it and she continued to until Ben’s body gave out and he twitched to the side. He was still catching his breath and he couldn’t understand how she had bested him once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I guess I am that writer now. this was way harder than I thought but I hope you enjoy.


	7. No Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben bask in afterglow, and Finn and Poe make an exciting life decision.

“well that was fun” she said to Ben as she licked her lips. 

“I am glad you stood me up” he said back still catching his breath. 

“I’m really sorry about that, its not like me I -“

Ben interrupts “no. no it’s okay.” 

She stands and grabs Ben’s shirt from the floor and throws it over her head, he stands and pulls his underwear back on and leans down to kiss Reys neck. “Would you like some wine?” 

“maybe just a glass, I can’t stay long” Rey says 

Ben grabbed her hand and walked into the living room, she swam in his shirt and when his back turned she sniffed the collar. She knew the scent would stain her chest, and she grinned. He was so handsome as he walked around her his chest still bear. His thighs were twice the size of hers easy, and his briefs hugged them in the best way possible. He turned and handed her the glass of wine, he had his fill of alcohol for the night. Ben grabbed her by the hips and lifted her to the island where he stood close to her, her knees resting on either side of him. 

“I’d like to take you out again,” he said quietly “if you’ll show up this time.” His eyes down fiddling with the buttons on the shirt. 

Rey grabbed his face and lifted to meet her gaze she batted her eyelashes at him and said, “no promises.”

She was teasing him, and he knew that because this made him laugh. She really liked when he laughed. She traced her fingers along his cheeks connecting the dots of his beauty marks, she dragged her fingers right over his lips and he stared at her until her hand dropped. He stood straight up and kissed her deeply, and she smiled. “Just don’t always expect me to show up in my underwear” 

Ben was nice enough to let her wear his shirt home, she thought he was using it as a bargaining tool to make sure she showed up the next time he asked her out. Rey thought this was funnier than Ben did but he gave a smirk to show his good spirit. 

They didn’t talk much, they kissed in between sips of her wine and teased one another with small touches. She learned he was not very close to his family, and he learned she was an only child. He was just enjoying the company and Rey really liked not being alone. Rey didn’t stay for another hour before she left his place. Ben called her a car, she was not brave enough to wear what she was wearing on public transportation.

When Rey returned home she began to shiver, her apartment was old and not as well insulated as Ben’s and she was practically naked. She grabbed some sweat pants and put them on, she was not ready to change out of Ben’s shirt. She had been overworked all week, and had thought about picking up her computer but the call of her bed was too strong. The wine was making her eyes droop so she decided it was time to sleep. 

Her alarm went off and she opened her eyes, her lips turned to a smile before she sat up because she could smell Ben, it was like he had held her all night. This is how Rey was with a crush, she’d hardly known him and she would wrap her mind around a world where they had shared their lives. She would move on fast though, quick in love and quick out. She had boyfriends and when it got too much she’d leave. For a reason. There’s always a reason. 

Rey was independent to a fault, she didn’t need a man and she made sure every man who needed her knew it. She did like Ben, but something in the back of her mind, something she felt anytime she liked someone, told her to wait. There would be that thing that would come up and ruin him, his nails were too long, he ate too loud, his sister was too pretty. It didn’t matter what it was Rey would find a way to bail. 

She pulled herself into the shower, sad that his scent would no longer linger. She heard her phone buzz as she brushed her teeth, 

Rey thought on this a while, many times she typed out no just to delete it. She didn’t like going out during the week, it was too much of a distraction that interfered with work. She thought about his smile, and the bruises on her bum from where he had punished her, and she did want to see him again.

She figured she could manage this, if she didn’t have to leave the city she could go straight from work to the store and if they didn’t waste time at a restaurant she could get done and make it home sooner. 

This weekend way major and she needed full concentration for it. She technically didn’t have plans until Saturday, but she had to have Friday free for work. Poe was going to propose to Finn and he’d asked Rey to help. She was so beyond excited, and was going to try and take sneaky pictures of it happening. He wanted to do it in the grocery store where they met, but thought twice about proposing on the produce isle. Rey knew Finn wouldn’t care, he’d say yes to anything Poe would ever ask of him, especially to spend the rest of their lives together. 

—-

Rey stood in the park hiding behind a tree, she had been waiting for Poe to walk Finn over here for the last fifteen minuets. Shit she was cold, the chill was getting to her feet but she stood still as her heart beat heavy in her chest for her best friend. This is where they had shared their first kiss nearly four years ago, and this is where they were going to be engaged. That made sense for them, they were a fairytale and Rey lived in her own reality where this is just not the life she lead. She threw her hand to her mouth as she saw Poe’s head bobbing its way over and she crept further behind the tree. Poe stopped Finn from sitting on the bench they had been walking to and he grabbed both his hands. He pulled a small box from his pocket and Rey started snapping the camera before Finn had even realized what was happening. He slid down to his knee and Rey saw Finn shake his head yes.

Rey let them finish the sweet kiss and placing the ring on Finn’s finger before she ambushed him for a hug. She was crying, Finn was crying, and Poe was making fun of them for crying. Her dearest friend had just become the happiest man in the city and Rey could think of nothing else then the joy that bloomed in her heart for both of them. 

That night Poe and Rey had planned a party for Finn, they invited nearly everyone they knew in the city. Rey thinks she was about 4 drinks in before her head became dizzy and probably 6 drinks in when she decided to sing karaoke with Finn. Finn was about 9 drinks in, but everyone had lost count. 

“Let me get my bag”, Rey said to a group of people she was standing near but not talking to as she fumbled away from them.

The words on her screen started to float and she put her phone back in her bag and forgot what she was doing 

—-

Rey woke as the sun poured into her room, she was mad at the sun. Her head did not want the sun there. She rolled over to have her back face the window and she tried to burry her face in the pillow. It didn’t work she was up. She grabbed her phone to check the time 12:17, not bad. She noticed she had a missed call from Ben, and her memory flooded and she flipped her phone to the cringe worth texts she had sent him. 

he had tried to call her a few moments after she stopped responding and then sent that text when she didn’t answer. That was almost 10 hours ago, she felt bad again. 

Rey: *calling 

“Rey.”

"Hey Ben," 

“Rey I’m sorry, I was trying to be funny and it came across wrong.” 

“are you really sorry, or is this an elaborate plot to get your shirt back?” 

“Rey I-“ he paused “ I really like that shirt.” 

“ I really like vodka, or I did last night I guess, I was so drunk I hardly remember texting you” she forced a laugh to hide the embarrassment she felt. 

“you’re still going to try and poison me tomorrow?” He teased.

“Oh, Ben…. stop trying to be funny, I’m the funny one.” She laughed, for real this time. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Yes dear.” 

she hung up and a smile filled her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even still reading this? I am starting to lose motivation. I have been reading other works a lot and I feel like mine is sub par. idk


	8. You Got a New Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up this one is a lot. I have questions at the end and would love some feedback!

Ben rolled out of bed with a bit more enthusiasm. Today. He would see Rey again today. The simple fact that she had drunk texted him proved to him that she was thinking of him, which eased the head spin he was getting from thinking of her. Every time he closed his eyes all he could imagine were the cute little noises she’d make when he kissed her. The smell of her hair on his shoulder, and the muscle of her thighs wrapped around him. She was making Chicago better, and Ben was starting to look forward to his days.

He did his run today, but took it easy. He wanted to look tone for her, but he didn’t want to tire himself. He hasn’t shaved since the morning of their last date, he wanted to test the waters with her preferences, he was doing it all for her. 

He made his americano at home, and was able to drink the entire thing on his walk to work. He knew getting through work would be easier than most days simply because he was going to see her, kiss her, smell her touch her. As he walked through a room of cubicles heading for his office on the far wall his assistant scurried over and looked slightly panicked. Ben hardly notice, he hadn't had a worry on his mind, until he said her name. Ben stopped dead in his tracks and snapped his head, “what was that?” He added enunciation to each of the ending ’t’s. 

“you’re moth- oh uh, Mrs. Organa she’s in your office sir.”

“On the phone, you mean?” 

” Uh no I- I don’t sir, she’s here. In your office. Waiting for you.”

Of corse she was, she was in town, Ben couldn’t remember the last time his mom was ever in Chicago, and why would she be here? She was so busy in New York. Too busy for him when he was in New York, so why? Why is she here? He meant to say that last part out loud but he was too caught up in his train of thought he didn’t realize his feet kept moving until he opened the door to see the back, she was looking out his window at the view. 

Her head turned at the sound of his foot steps, “Ben” she started “How-“

“What are you doing here Leia?” He interrupted still looking as if his eyes were lying to him, that she wasn’t here.

“Leia?” She said semi shocked “That’s not like you Ben?” 

“It’s not like you to be in Chicago, to be in my office.” He snapped back 

“Ben I came to check on the reports from last quarter, plus the board is really driving home the importance of keeping this a family owned operation and they thought it would boost moral if employees saw me here.”

She was lying, she did that a lot, she lied “Sure.” He said folding his lips in and squinting his eyes. 

“I also wanted to see you Ben, I had been calling you at home and you don’t answer.” 

”Ive been busy” a lie, he’s not busy he doesn’t want to talk about his father, and that is what she wants to talk about. Thats why she’s here, and she can’t help but lie. 

“Ben, it’s Han, really he wants to talk to you. I think-“ 

Ben stops her again “Ma it doesn’t matter what you think about Han, or me okay? I am an adult and I have my own mind and opinions and I don’t want to talk to that, that-” He struggles to find his words “man” he says painfully “not yet.” He is trying to keep his voice down but his tone is serious. 

“Ben he messed up, and he knows that and he’s sorry, he just wants to talk to you.” She says these words like each one is physically coming out of her mouth and landing on a thin sheet of glass, that she desperately does not want to shatter. 

Ben stands still not saying a word, he loves his mom and he is glad to see her but not like this. He spent time with her as a child here and there when she could come home for dinner or weekends she wasn’t traveling. Ben staying behind with his uncle or the nanny. They would get along unless Han was involved. He’d left Leia, and he left Ben. Ben still couldn’t figure out why, what it was that he did wrong. More than that, he couldn’t understand why mom was always coming to his defense.

Leia came closer and Ben didn’t move, she grabbed his hand and squeezed, “I did not mean to bombard you son, I really did come for work. I just wanted to see my best guy first.” She gives out a half smile as though she’s asking for some grace. 

He towers her and he leans far down to kiss her cheek, “it’s good to see you mom” he squeezes her hand back

“i’ll get out of your hair.” She walks out of his office and he stands there for a moment to collect himself before walking to his desk.

It’s hard to concentrate, he ignores the 4 way call he’s on and gives out little grunts here and there so they know he hasn’t disconnected. He twirls his pen, he folds paper until it’s too small for his large hands to hold. He knows his mom is right, to leave things with Han as they were when he left New York was unsustainable but necessary for the time being. He wasn’t sure if 3 months was enough time to cool his hot head. 

Why today though? Why did she have to show up today? He stands with his cell phone and walks out of his office, “Emmat go In there and take notes, but pretend you’re me.” He barks at his assistant as he walks to the elevator. 

He walks out of the building and stands in a common area looking around as if it will tell him what he’s doing, he dials his phone and waits nervously, regretting this call with every trill he hears. 

“Ben, don’t tell me you miss now darling?” Rey teases him. 

“Actually I am at work and I had a deep urge for a, aaaaaa ….muffin? and I was wondering if you wanted one?”

she sounds surprised, “You’re trying to send me a muffin basket?” 

“No-“ he says regretting this lie, this call “I was uh, thinking about coming to your work to bring you one.” As the words come out of his mouth he wants to suck them back in. 

“You’re so desperate to see me, you’re going to hind behind a muffin?” Rey is blunt and he likes that, but he’s looking for a little mercy. 

“sorry” he blurts out “it’s dumb I know I just wanted to get some air and I don’t know anyone else in the city outside of my colleges and I just- I am sorry Rey I uh” 

“Are you close to the Times building?” She asks sounding surprising chill about the situation 

“Uh kinda, I’m on Monroe and West Adams. 

“You can get your muffin after, I will meet you outside the building in fifteen minuets.” She hangs up before he can respond. 

It’s not like Ben to leave work, he has never earned his job by anything more than having a birth right, but he got his work horse trait from his mom. He doesn’t know what it is about this woman, but suddenly he feels that waiting eight hours to see her will make him crawl out of his skin. 

Ben doesn’t know the city too well, so he orders a car. He had to be there in fifteen and he wasn’t going to risk it. When he pulls up he smiles but he doesn’t see Rey. He was 3 minuets early and he knew Rey’s clock ran late. He got out and stood in the cold, really regretting not grabbing his coat. He shivers and as he looks out on the street he feels a warmth incase him and he closes his eyes. It’s her, her arm level fits perfectly around his waist and she reaches to grasp his stomach. He is too broad for her hands to touch, but he doesn’t mind her rubbing her hands up and down his abdominal muscles as he feels her head sink into his back. He’s frozen, not by the cold but by her touch. She releases him and he turns his eyes lock on hers and he’s feeling better. 

“Come on,” She yanks his arm and she pulls him down a block and across the street. She turns to him and says “follow my lead” as they walk through a restaurant connecting to a hotel. She slips through a door that says ‘Employees Only’ and gives him a nod when he’s feet stop moving. She runs up the stairs and swings open a door and she hugs him again placing her head on his chest. 

He looks around to take in the city view, this quaint little rooftop that they are not supposed to be on. That she runs to like it’s her childhood treehouse. They share a secret now, they share this place.

“Are you so warm blooded you don’t need a jacket?” She asks laughing at him. 

“Oh I uh-“ He looks down at himself and he looks ridiculous standing there shivering, it’s jacket weather and he doesn’t know what to say “I didn’t want to be late, and uhhh, it was warm in the office so by the time I realized I didn’t have it it was too late so I just left.” He lies and yes, he does realize how dumb he sounds. Noticing now that the snow is coming in flurries. 

“Oh.” She winks at him and offers a half smile, “I forgot you have a thing about being on time. 

He offers a smile and laughs with his gut and points back at her “You ARE the funny one”

She steps closer and touches the hair around his mouth, “this is new.” She states 

“Do you uh, do you like it?” He tries to make this question seem obsolete like the world is running short on razors and he’s just doing his part. 

“I like it if you like it, if it makes you happy. You gotta do what makes you happy Ben.” 

This isn’t the answer he’s looking for but she doesn’t sound patronizing. He asks again changing his words and keeping the meaning, “Do you prefer a clean shaven face?” The words fall out and he realizes it doesn’t seem so subtile now that he cares a lot about her answer. 

She looks up through her eyelashes at him pulling her chest closer to his, wrapping her arms around her neck, “I like your smile Ben S, and I don’t care if it has hair or not.” She’s not answering the question any differently and he can’t be mad at this because she grabs the back of his neck and pulls his face to her own and runs her lips against his. 

Ben kisses her back, allowing himself to wrap up in her touch and feel the pressure of her body against his, he breaks back and the wind whips across his face and his teeth give out an involuntary clatter. 

“Lets go get that muffin” she tells him and she kisses him softly then turns and grabs his hand as she leads him back downstairs.

—

Rey buys Ben a muffin and they warm up in the Starbucks. Rey looks up as they wait for Bens car, she kisses his cheek and apologizes because she has to rush back to work. “See you tonight?” Ben confirms.

Rey pulls at the patch of hair on his chin and scrunches up her nose, “Oh yeah” she tells him as she turns again to leave 

The facial hair will stay, for now he decides. He stands there feeling better than he did on that group call in his office, before his mom showed up, before his dad- before his dad and their fight came back to the front of his memory. Ben didn’t want to think about that right now. 

—

Ben comes through the front door like a hurricane and rushes to the bathroom. He wants to shower but it’s already 5:45 and he doesn’t want to be late. He takes a quick shower and as he is drying his hair he hears his phone going off. He forgot to tell the doorman he was having a guest so she can’t get up, he thinks. “Hey sorry I-“ 

“Hey Ben,” he’s interrupted. 

Ignoring the beautiful invention of caller ID really should be a sin, “Hey Jessika” this really can’t be happening, 

“I’ve uh been trying to call you for a while Ben,” her voice is soft, gentile “whats going on?” 

Ben checks his watch, 6:00 fuck, “look Jes, it’s not a good time can I call you-“ 

“Ben don’t lie to me please” the irritation begins to rise in her voice. “you need to talk to me now, I know you aren’t going to call me back and I know you can’t keep avoiding this.” Her voice starts to soften again. “Ben, it’s me. It’s Jessika.” 

Ben wants to avoid this, he doesn’t want to talk to her, and he is hoping for is Rey to be as late as she always is. “Jessika I don’t know what’s left to say, I left New York. I got a new job. I have moved on, I-“ He regrets those words instantly.”

”THE FUCK?” The gentile tone is gone and she is screaming. “You moved on Ben? WTF does that mean? You got a new bitch? You owe me so big Solo, 2 fucking years of my life and you’ve fucking moved on?” 

Her anger fuels his, “excuse me I owe you, I fucking owe you?” He sees red.

“You have no idea what I’ve been going through and I-“ He quiets his tone as he hears her knock. “look I said this wasn’t a good time I can’t talk now, bye Jes.” He ends the call, his blood is boiling and he can’t see straight. She knocks again and this grounds him, he plants his feet on the ground and walks to the door. He started to turn the handle as he realizes he’s still just wearing a towel.

He smirks as her and shrugs his shoulders, she stands in the door way with two bags of food that are slowly slipping from her hands. He grabs them from her and lets her in. “Wow Ben, you think I am that easy?” She says taking in all the harsh lines of his body. 

“Sorry, I showered and my hair was wet and, -“ he stops himself to think about what he’s trying to say. “make yourself comfortable I’ll be right back.” He disappears to the room to find some clothes and composure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ekk, you guys are not ready for what's in store. This is my favorite chapter so far I think. How do we feel about pictures? Is it too cheesy? Yes I did edit his ring off of his hand! No shame in it but Ben is not married Adam is. I have twist and turns and I am excited to write more but I am so busy and these take me hours to get right for you. I don't know when I will be able to update next, but I appreciate the love and kudos and all that it motivates me to stay up until 2 am to get them done!


	9. Yes, Mr. Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Reys experience of the night that started this story where she gets kicked out! Also I did change some things in chapter one because then I started this story I had a rough outline but I changed some details don't come for me.

***Trigger warning: There is mention of an article that Rey is working on that she deals with a family annihilator. It’s not graphic and it doesn’t go into detail but there is mention of death of young children. *****

Rey got back up to her office feeling refreshed after Ben had come to see her. It dawned on her that she didn’t know how much she needed that break. She’d been working the past few days on a big family murder story that included the death of two young kids. Sometimes Rey’s work was heavy, she knew that when she got into journalism that it was going to be hard sometimes. 

Standing on that roof with her arms around Ben felt good, she hadn’t been thinking of the heavy work she’d been doing. All of her was right there with him.

Chicken or steak? Steak right? Ben would be a steak guy? He ordered fish at dinner, but he’d want steak? Rey decided steak, and threw it in her basket. She gathered up the last bit of groceries she needed for dinner and made her way to Ben’s apartment. When she walked in the door man from the other night was working and the bags in her arms initiated him to call the elevator for her, and not question her access to the building.

He answered the door in a towel, a dark blue towel that she desperately wished was transparent. She felt a shiver between her legs when he turned away and she saw just how broad his shoulders were. He disappeared and Rey started unpacking the bags she brought. She pulled out white and red wine. She had watched him pour her a glass last time so she knew at least how to find those things in his industrial looking kitchen. 

Rey poured herself a glass and started rummaging through cabinets looking for what she needed to prepare the meal. She washed her hands and began chopping celery When she poured her second glass. Ben still hadn’t come back and she was confused “Ben?” She called out as she continued chopping. He didn’t respond. 

Rey walked to the back of the apartment where the bedroom was and for the first time she was taking in more than the open area of the apartment without being blinded with lust. She noticed the lack of personal touch it almost looked like a hotel, with less wall art. “Ben?” She called closer to the door. It was left slightly ajar and she half way knocked before swinging it open. Ben was standing buttoning his jeans without anything else on. Rey’s eyes widened at the sight of him.First the towel and now this, dear lord. She turned quickly as if he needed some privacy.

“Rey? You can come in.” He puffed air out at her attempt at modesty.

“sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.” Her eyes scanning him now, and he notices, and she sees her notice and she’s flush red.”

He walks over to her slowly and leans a soft kiss teasing her neck, she leans in and rolls her neck allowing him better access. He whispers, “why are you being so shy sweetheart?” She can feel her legs shake at the way his words leave his hot breath on her neck. 

Rey quickly remembers the glass of wine in her hand, she blurts out “wine, wine I brought red and white I’ll pour you a glass.” 

She practically runs out of the room unable to answer Ben’s question. Why is she so shy? When she had been here last she was not expecting him to actually call her, and when she saw him this afternoon she didn’t quite it expect it to cause nerves. Rey is a bad bitch, she doesn’t let a man give her self doubt. What was Ben S doing to her? She hears his footsteps approach and she starts pouring red wine in his glass, and then tops hers off with the white. 

Ben turns the coroner in a light grey henley and jeans, he saw the glass she pushed near the barstools while she stood opposite the island behind a cutting board. She lets her eyes scan up as he enters to be sure that he is wearing a shirt and when she sees he is, she continues to put her concentration into not cutting her fingertips off. “Thank you.” Ben grabs the wine and takes a drink and she can feel his gaze on her. “What are you making?”

Rey feels heat radiate on her face as he stares “Steak with brown butter and broccoli, it’s a crowd pleaser.” Her answer is short and abrupt and she can’t even look at his face. 

“Did I do something to upset you?” Ben asks but it doesn’t sound like a question, it sounds like a statement and not a statement saying she’s upset, a statement saying she’s blushing.

Ben’s words hit Rey like a truck she quickly turns and starts opening the bottom cabinets next to the stove in search of a pot. She doesn’t need a pot right now but she can’t stand the way he is digging into her with his eyes. She’s bent at her waist when it occurs to her that her ass is in his line of sight, he was staring at me so I turned around and bent over like an idiot, she thinks to herself still digging around. She hears his voice but it sounds closer now “Can I help you find something?” She can feel his hand grab her waist as he inches forward and his pelvis is on her bum.

Rey gasps but doesn’t pull away, she stands up slowly and places the back of her head on his chest, “I need a pot for the vegetables.” She says breathy, trying to hold composure. 

“sure” he says leaning her forward as he bends with her and grabs the pot that is closest to her in the cabinet she was trying to hide in. He places it on the counter and stands back up. Rey stays down for an extra second enjoying the feel of him on her ass, before she realizes he’s not bent over her and snaps up feeling her cheeks fill with hot red flames. His other hand reaches up to her other hip and he puts his mouth to her ear “Rey, are you okay?” He lets out a half chuckle, and she knows that he knows full well the effect he is having on her.

She turns around and to the side to get away from his body, she grabs her wine off of the counter and finishes the glass in one gulp, knowing he can see her. She is going to do, she is going to turn around and kiss him. You walked into this fucking apartment naked you can kiss the man, but he’s not that man anymore. He’s the guy who called at work because he wanted to see you and couldn’t wait 8 hours. He’s the guy who stood on a snowy rooftop with you even though he wasn’t wearing a jacket, and he’s that guy who looks absolutely incredible in nothing but a towel or a pair of jeans, but probably also without the towel or jeans. This is Ben, Ben S…, humm… “Ben?” 

“Yes?” He is facing the seating area grabbing his wine glass from across the counter, Rey turns her body to face his, regretting it when she sees how close she is still standing to him

“Ben S. What is your full name?” She says out of the side of her mouth he can’t make this sexy right?

Ben leans in and kisses her mouth softly, “Benjamin Solo” he says with his lips still touching hers, damn he made this question sexy.

Rey can’t help but kiss him back and suddenly his hands have found her hips again pulling her into his pelvis. He opens his mouth and his tongue is trying to get into hers. She opens herself up, Benjamin Solo can take whatever he wants, she thinks to herself and is hoping he does. Desperate for the same view that started his mess she pulls at the hem of his shirt and lifts if above his head, she drinks him in for a second before he beings pulling her shirt up. 

His mouth moves to her jaw and he’s placing soft kisses on his way to her neck, while she can feel the hardness in his jeans against her pencil skirt. “Benjamin Solo” she says breathlessly 

“Yes Rey Johnson?” She doesn’t remember giving her name, he really did see my article. 

“bed?” This sets off a growl from deep inside of him and he bends down to put his shoulder on her waist and picks her up effortlessly and she shrieks. He smacks her ass again as he walks to his room and she kicks her feet playfully. 

“Take that fucking skirt off.” He says, his voice low and raspy. 

She listens, and she knows he likes to be in control in here. She starts to reach behind her back to undo her bra straps but he pushes her down on the bed before she can get the first hook undone. 

“I want to do that one” he says, lifting her into an arch so he can remove it.

It hangs loose on her arms but she doesn’t remove it, he flips her around and pulls her up to her knees as he rocks himself behind her. She gets a vibration in her stomach as she remember how they stood in the kitchen. He bends down and bites the elastic holding her underwear on and slides it off with his mouth. “Let me take you?” he asks. 

“yes 

“tell me,” he demands as he removes his jeans. 

“Take me Ben, please” her voice is low and she can’t seem to get her heart to beat at a normal pace.

“Are you begging for my cock, Rey?” 

“yes sir” the anticipation is burning through her. 

“say it Rey” his tone firm, and reaches his hand between her legs to play at her wet folds. 

“Please give me your cock,” She swallows the saliva that pools in her mouth “Mr. Solo”

He makes a loud grunt and is inside of her within a second. He slams into her body and she screams with relief as her tense body is getting the very thing it had been craving. He slams into her again and again, “do you like that Rey?” He asks and he pulls her hair by the bun to arch her head back to him. 

“Yes Mr. Solo, yes I like that” her insides wrapping around him and he throbs at the sound of her screams, “please don’t stop” she begs”

“fuck,” he moans at her pleading, she knows he likes it when she’s desperate and the bedroom is the only place Rey is going to submit to a man. Specifically this man if he keeps giving it to her like this. 

“Ben, I- I’m gonna” her breath is staggered

“Fucking come for me baby, come on my dick”

“yes sir” she yelps as her body convulses around him and he sees this as a chance to crash into her harder.” 

”fuck, fuck , fuck.” He’s coming in her and she lays her head down on the bed keeping her ass in the air. He twitches as he pulls out and sees his come dripping out of her.

“you have such a beautiful pussy” he says with a smirk. 

Rey flashes a smile at him, unsure how to respond but very happy about this comment.

Ben is lifting his jeans back on and Rey has rolled over on the bed to watch, “jeans? Thats what started this? My jeans make you shy?” He asks smirking at her.

Your jeans and you shirtless makes me horny, she thinks but offers up “I am not shy”

He looks at her and cocks his head to the side, “we are going to pretend you didn’t see the pot that was right in front of you?”

“Hiding in plain sight.” She says offering up a guilty grin. 

“If you don’t get dressed soon I won’t be able to find my kitchen.”

She forgot about dinner, and she’s guessing he did too. She stands and dresses and they return to the kitchen for their shirts. Rey knocks back another glass of wine while she finished dinner. Ben finishes the first, and pours himself a whiskey. She plates the food and they eat at the bar, less formal but closer together than at his table. 

”You could decorate your place you know?” 

”I could?” He sounds confused as to why she is brining this up. 

“Your place is so big and nice and you have nothing in it?”

“I just moved here, and work keeps me busy”

“Your an accountant?” He nods at her “your life must be so boring” she teases him. 

“Yes I like it that way, for some people their job is their entire life, it’s what defines them. For me I see it as something I have to do so that I can spend my time outside of my job living my life.” 

Rey thinks this is a thoughtful answer, and wishes she can say the same but her life is consumed in work and she is okay with that so instead she leans over and kisses his bicep, “That was very nicely put Mr. Solo” 

“Mr. Solo?” 

“mmhumm” He leans in to kiss her lips softly, “Solo? That name sounds familiar?” He pulls himself back

“Thats because you were screaming it about a half hour ago.” He teases.

“haha Ben” she deadpans “but honestly why does your name sound familiar? Solo is uncommon but I know I have heard it before?” 

“I don’t know Rey and I don’t think it matters.” He says sharply at her, and this surprises her. 

She decides to drop it, “So tell me about your family?” She smiles up, and his chestnut eyes turn to pools of black 

Ben scoots out of the bar stool and walks to the window in the living room behind them, she is a little taken back because of how angry he seems. She can’t begin to think of what set him off but she though she had changed the subject in time to calm his nerves. “Ben you don’t have to tell me about your parents, or the Solos or whatever it is that has you all pissy” 

He flashes a glare over his shoulder at her, “pissy?” He asks “Really Rey?” 

“You’re kind of throwing a fit Ben.” She does not submit to him not out here, she won’t call him sir or Mr Solo, but she will call him on his bullshit. 

Ben smashes his glass against the wall next to the window and he crosses the room quickly to head into his bedroom. “I think you should leave” he says without looking at her. “just get out”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update nobody asked for, also I am assigning chapters "soundtrack" songs so this song is going to be "You're the one that I want" by Lo-Fang and I'll let you guess which part the applies to ;D


	10. 2 Whiskeys and Some Pain Killers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is dealing with the aftermath of his tantrum.
> 
> _"I don't mind that I know that you're wrong  
>  I don't mind that you think you're right  
> All I want is a fight to fight  
> Anything but quiet_

*** TRIGGER WARNING****  
Ben cuts his hand and its not graphic but there is a bit of blood.

He knew he let it get too far the moment he left the room. The idea of him falling into anger in front of her was too devastating to come to terms with. Too raw to apologize for. Why did this have to be his day? It was too much and he managed to push out the only thing that made him feel better.

He picked up his cell phone, hands still shaky unaware of what he was going to do. I could call mom, I could call Rey, I could call Jess, I could call Han. None of these ideas seemed like anything he wanted to deal with. It wasn’t until he locked the phone screen in his hand that he noticed the blood.

That glass breaking in his hand had done damage, real damage and it was dripping on his polished concrete floor. He took a stride into the bathroom and uncurled his hand over the sink. A gash the size of a water bottle lid on his palm. Fuck, he knew it would need stitches and he knew he wouldn’t be able to drive. He decided to call a car. Fucking ER at 1 am was not his idea of a good time.

On the way to the ER Ben texted his assistant,

Ben sat in the waiting room until 4 when he was finally taken back to a bed. 7 stitches later his doctor reminded him not to get into any more fights with scotch glasses, Ben couldn’t bring himself to pretend this was funny. He was in pain, and sad, and alone, and the dry heaviness of his eyes was apparent. He took a car home and climbed into bed leaving the blood in the sink and on the floor, leaving the shattered glass next to the window, and leaving Rey without an explanation.

—-

When he woke he looked over at the night stand to see the time was 11:23, he slowly rolled to lay on his back looking up at the fan. He could go for a run, he could call Jess, he could work from home, he could call Rey, he could go to the gym, he could call a decorator. That was the first thing he thought of that didn’t sound painful in his current state. Ben wasn’t much for decorating he like practical, minimal, but his space gave off more of a “I went to Ikea” vibe. When he made the call he wasn’t sure if he should text Rey and let her know he was following her advise. Thats what he wanted to do, but he resisted.

—-

“Hi I’m Kaydel.” She reached her hand out before Ben could offer her passage into his flat.

”Ben” he said with a fake half smile, “come in” He had gotten dressed in jeans and a button down, cleaned up the blood and glass, and started to clean up Reys mess from dinner, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. The cleaning company was coming in a few hours and they would get on with it without the memory.

“You’ve got a great place here,” she commented walking in “bare bones.”

”Yeah I just moved here, and I was told I should have some help with it.”

“Yes, I can see why, I uh- well do you mind giving me a tour of the rooms you want redone?”

He was regretting this already, although it was nice to not be isolated he was still not with the person he wanted to be with. “Uh all of them I guess if you wanna just look around.”

He sat on the couch before she could insist he go with her, she pulled out her phone and started taking pictures of all the angles of the apartment. Now he felt like an intruder in his own home. What the hell? Maybe he should kick her out, never mind please leave. He threw his head back and it landed on the back of the couch and he sighed waiting for Kaydel to return.

“Mr. Solo?” His eyes opened but his body didn’t move as he made eye contact with Kaydel returning to the room. “What is your style I am guessing mid century modern?”

“I don’t have a style really, I like things that make sense.” That sounded dumb “I just mean I want to be able to use each room for its intended purpose and not live in an art gallery.

“Okay well what I can do is put together some mood boards for you and email them to you and then you can tell me which ones are your favorite and we can base the design around that. I would like to take some measurements of a few little spaces here and there if you don’t mind. Are there any furniture pieces you want to keep specifically?”

“yeah, uh I like my desk in my office, and my bar stools.”

“Okay and what is your budget on this?”

Ben thought about it and didn’t want to be a douche and just throw his credit card at her but he didn’t know how much money it costs to decorate. “Uh- I mean I don’t buy things that are collectable but don’t buy anything particle board.” He said hoping that would suffice. It seemed to because Kaydel stood up and said she’d start measuring and then get out of his hair.

—

Ben was sorry about feeling sorry for himself, he thought about Rey. He was going to text her. Bad idea, but he was already 2 whiskeys and some pain killers in.

There was no reply.

—

Ben woke up in a sweat, his head spun. He wasn’t sure what day it was, when he fell asleep, or when he’d busted his stitches but he couldn’t think straight. He rolled over off his arm and the warm blood flooded out of his open hand. He could see stars. He reached for his phone, “Siri Call Mom on speaker.” The light was too much for him to look at. It rang for about a minuet that felt like a million years and no answer. He thought about calling 911 but he didn’t want to make a skeptical about being pulled out on a gurney. The pain in his hand throbbed. “Siri Call Rey on speaker” no answer. “Siri text Rey”

“Texting Rey, mobile. What would you like me to say?

“Im at home I cut my hand open the other night” he still didn’t know what time it was or what day it was but this was his best guess. “I busted my stitches and now I can’t get myself out of bed. I don’t know who else to call, I don’t know anyone here.”

As the text sent the pain sent adrenaline through him and he came up with an idea that would have been his first thought if he was thinking clearly. His assistant, his dumb assistant could come help him. Even laying there like that he wanted to see first if Rey would respond before he could reach out to someone else. The black haze that was around the corners of his eyes overcame him and he was asleep again.

He couldn’t see anything, but he knew someone was there, he lifted his hand hoping it was Rey hoping she was there. That she would grab his hand. “Mr. Solo can you hear me?”That wasn’t Rey, his hand dropped and the darkness was back

“Mr. Solo, sit still,” the lights above his eyes were bright and unrecognizable.

Vision blurry, “Rey?” he whispered

”Mr. Solo?”

“Rey?” darkness

“Ben? Oh God, Ben?”

“Rey?!” A sharp yell no vision, “help me.” A soft plea. Darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave on a cliff hanger. No one is reading this anyway so nothing matters at all. This chapters song is "THE QUIET"- Troye Sivan
> 
> IS ANYONE OUT THERE? ARE YOU READING THIS? DO WE LIKE PICTURES IN THE TEXT? DO WE LIKE THE SONGS? HELP ME
> 
> comment please. (:


	11. West Side Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wakes up after Bens blow up and her night of drinking at Naboo.
> 
> Also I know nothing about hospitals or recovering from blood loss, don't come for me.
> 
> _"I been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear."_

Rey wakes and her body is screaming. Tuesday was a good day to call off of work, it’s in between deadlines and honestly a lot of her job she could do at home. Her head is spinning as she thinks about the wine and gin, and her heart speeds up when she thinks about Ben in that towel. Finn and Rey work together but Finn has a different schedule sometimes if he picks up weekend shoots or night projects, so he’s off today. Not that it matters he’s not here and she’s in his bed. 

Rey gets up and goes into the living room, Finn is sitting in front of the TV and the news is on, he’s playing some game on his phone and not paying attention. “Good morning Rey” 

“shhhh..” She’s desperate for a glass of water 

“That bad?”

“I’ll be okay…” she stands on that feeling for a brief moment. She will be okay, she will survive, it just sucks. “I just don’t understand what happened.”

“you said he freaked out?” 

Rey tries desperately to recall last nights events, she does remember getting kicked out even if it is fuzzy, she remembers Naboo, and she remembers Poe telling her to go to bed. “I don’t know why he was so mad though.”

“You said something about his apartment, and his family?” 

“Solo” she remembers, “his last name is Solo, where do I know that from?” 

Finn and Rey ponder this a while. “I have an idea”

“What?” Rey says urgently

“the internet is great” He says grabbing his laptop off the couch next to him and opening it. Rey takes the hint and sits where his laptop once was. Finn starts to type ‘Ben So..’

“Benjamin Solo” Rey corrects him 

“Who is Benjamin Solo?” Finn says out loud before pushing enter. 

Articles fill the screen with images of his face, 

“Billion Dollar Merger Organa Inc, Skywalker Co”, 

“Heir to Organa Inc Ben Solo graduates Harvard”

“Ben Solo Steps Off of New York Board at Organa Inc. for Chicago Office”

“What the fuck Rey?” 

“I don’t actually fucking know.” Rey isn’t sure what to think, it hadn’t taken much to find so much and thats his face so is it really him? “call Rose right now”

Finn grabs his phone to dial rose, she’s on speaker, “Hey Finn, what’s up”

Before Finn gets a word out Rey speaks “How did you get that picture of Ben that you sent me?”

“Rey, hey” she sounds pleasantly surprised, “oh um I just googled Ben Solo” 

“Did you see the results?”

" Well I searched under images and when his face popped up I just grabbed the picture of him, I wasn’t going to stock him for you. Plus I was at work” 

“Hey Rose,” Finn says

”Yeah?” 

“Do yourself a favor and read the results.”

Finn hangs up and the apartment goes quiet, neither one of them moving. 

“You have to see him again.” Finn tells her.

“I don’t know, I mean I wanted to before we looked, and I still kinda do but that seems like a big secret to keep, plus all the bullshit from yesterday.” Rey is torn.

“I hate to be this guy…”

“then don’t”

“Rey there’s a million articles of him here all from New York. He’s here now, think of the stories he would provide.”

Rey shakes her head “I am not going to use him for content Finn, thats not me. 

”Think about it, what he did was kinda fucked” 

Finn doesn’t press and Rey doesn’t argue. 

“I’m gonna head home, can you drop me off?” 

“Yes, but only if you tell me what happened with you two, because you’re right, he is sexy.” 

“He makes me call him sir,” 

“Never mind too weird”

—

When she gets home she heads straight to the shower, alcohol sweats are gross, they smell gross, they feel gross, and the fastest way to get rid of it is to sweat it out in a hot shower. When she gets out she pulls her phone from her bag and realizes it’s dead. She walks into her bed room and plugs it in. In her living room she’s cuddled up on her couch with some tea and is typing away at an opinion piece about gambling in major cities. Perfect hangover puff work. It doesn’t take her long to do so she turns on the TV to see “West Side Story” is on. Her feel good movie, the one she watches when its gloomy or if she’s sick. She lets it play and her eyelids fall. 

—-

When she wakes she’s almost mad at herself, she’s not going to sleep properly tonight. The clock on the stove says 5:40 and she feels like she could be up for another 12 hours. She turns off the tv and goes to the kitchen to look for food. Opening the freezer she see’s she out of frozen meals. 

“Take out it is” she hums to herself. 

Looking for her phone she remembers its on the charger, she gets rewards if she orders on the app. She picks up her phone and turns it on and her notifications go crazy.

12:16 Rose: OMG HES SOOOO RICH

2:34 Finn: How are you feeling?

2:57 Ben: Rey, I am sorry that I kicked you out it’s been a rough couple of days and I took it out on you.

3:19 Gail Ackbar: opinion piece approved, good work. 

5:20 Missed call: Ben

5:21 Ben: Im at home I cut my hand open the other night I busted my stitches and now I can’t get myself out of bed. I don’t know who else to call, I don’t know anyone here.

Reys blood is boiling, she gets dressed calling Ben again and again hoping he will answer, every time voicemail. As fast as she can she runs out the door. Finn, I need to call Finn. 

“Hey Rey”

“Finn!” She’s breathless running to the cross street to see if she can hail a cab. “My phone died and he called me and he’s bleeding he can’t move and now he won’t answer the phone.” 

“Ben?” 

“Yes 20 minuets ago he texted me saying he can’t move he’s bleeding and,- and he doesn’t have anyone in the city. What do I do Finn tell me what to do?!” She hadn’t realized she was crying until she stopped running catching up to the noise of the city. She’s trying to hail a cab but can’t stop her hyperventilating. 

“Call his building, you said there was a doorman, call them ask them to go look, I hear traffic are you on your way?” 

“Yes, I am trying to get a cab” 

“Okay when you get in the cab send me his building address and I will meet you there.” 

“Finn,” she sobs, “What if he- oh what if-“ 

“He’s not Rey, just call the door man okay calm down. I will see you there.” 

Before she has time to think a cab stops and she screams Bens building name at him, she’s on the internet searching for his buildings phone number when she finds it. 

“Hello you have reached West Maddison Apartments, for parking press 1, for maintenance press 2, for the lobby press 3, for” Rey pushes 3 and with every trill her heart rate speeds up. 

“Hi I um I am calling about Ben Solo Floor 43,” Before she can get it out the doorman interrupts

“Oh yes, the paramedics came already he’s on his way to County General.” Before he finishes Rey hangs up. 

”Go to County General” she tells the cab driver. God she’s dumb, she hung up she didn’t ask if he was okay, what if he’s not okay. She remembers to text Finn.”

‘He’s on his way to County General, you don’t have to come’ she wants him there, she’s scared, she wished she would have asked how he was. 

Finn : Leaving now, see you soon. 

This is the longest cab ride of her life, is he okay? Why is he like this? She sobs when she sees the lights ahead of the hospital, “this is fine” she yells and throws a $50 bill at the cab driver as she takes off on foot.

The ER is a mad house but Rey is mighty and she’s never let others slow her down, skipping the line she walks through the doors where the ambulance would have brought him and starts looking through the beds searching for his face. “Ben?” she cries, she is full on sobbing again “Ben?” 

“Are you Rey?” A woman in dark blue scrubs asks her. 

“Yeah, Rey Johnson, Im Rey” She’s surprised and is unsure how she knows this woman. 

“He’s over here, won’t stop asking for you.” 

Rey flips around and follows her, she leads her down a hall to a private room, even unconscious Ben gets VIP treatment. 

“Ben? Oh God, Ben?” 

“Rey?!” A sharp yell no vision, “help me.” A soft plea. He falls quiet.

”What’s wrong? Why isn’t he moving?” Her tears are falling harder now. 

He lost a lot of blood, he’s having a hard time staying couscous we’ve been giving him blood, he just needs rest. The only time he’s woken all he says is ‘Rey.’” 

she chokes back a cry, of corse he has I am the only person he knows for 800 miles. “He’s going to be okay?” 

“he should be, the cleaning crew at his apartment found him in bed, his hand is more likely to be infected since we had to close it up again, but all and all he’s lucky. You’re welcome to wait, he should be up soon.” 

Rey nods, unable to speak. Should she stay? Does he want to see her. She pulls out her phone to call Finn, there’s no need for him to come he should be fine and she’s not even sure she is going to stick around. Before she locks her phone she remember the text Ben sent her, he’d said sorry,

maybe she will stay …for a bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sad, you guys are great and are inspiring me to keep going I am not going to be as busy the next few days so if y'all keep engaging I will keep writing. Song of this chapter is "The Fear" by Ben Howard. Also there are lots of twists coming I did not forget about Jes!


	12. I Want to Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben recovery and they are catching feelings.
> 
> _"My heart just dropped  
>  Thinkin' about you  
> The world just stops  
> When I'm without you  
> I was on fire for you" _

Dry lips and heavy eyelids Ben feels the cords on his arms. His haze begins to fade and he sees florescent lighting above him, fucking hospital, “Rey?” He says it so quietly he doesn’t think anybody can hear him, he doesn’t think she’s there. 

His lips don’t feel dry anymore, “Hi Ben,” she says pulling back from his mouth. 

“Rey,” he whispers again with a smile attempting to form at his mouth. 

“You fucking scared me!” She bites back and he want expecting that, have some mercy, but he knows he deserves it. 

“I know, I am so sorry I shouldn’t have smashed that glass, it was a bad day and I took it out on you.” He sounds weak and shameful and he feels her on his lips again, then he feels her tear on his face. 

“that’s not what I meant, you big dummy” she let’s a chuckle of relief leave her mouth. 

Ben reaches for her hand and she leans on the side of his bed “can you stay?” He says preparing for her to pull away. She nods

“excuse me” she yells into the hall, “he’s up” 

A few moments later a nurse walks in, “How you feeling sir?” She asks. Rey smiles and him and lifts her eyebrows as she mouths the word ‘sir’ at Ben. He gives a cheeky smirk.

“I feel much better, the hand hurts and this one is giving me a hard time, but I’d like to leave.” 

“I will tell your doctor you’re awake, he may want to keep you for a while but he will be the one you talk to about that.” 

Ben nods at her and she walks out, Bens fingers start to trace up Rey’s arms and she hums against the feeling. “Now that you know I am not dying you can be mad at me again.”

“I’m not mad at you Ben, I just don’t understand you. You got so mad at me for trying to get to know you. I thought you wanted me to know you. Her face looks wounded and he can’t ignore the twisting feeling in his heart for making her feel this way.

“I had a few unfortunate encounters that day, I uh- I guess it put me on edge in a way I didn’t expect and you just got caught in the cross fire. I’m sorry if I scared you by breaking that glass, I have an anger thing I have been working on it all my life and I still have episodes. I’d never hurt you Rey, I have never hit a woman and I never would I swear it.” He looks up at her with begging eyes. 

“I didn’t think you wouldn’t hit me, it’s you telling me to leave. That is what hurt.” 

He grabs her hand in his good hand and lifts her knuckles to his lips and doesn’t say anything but knows she can feel his apology radiating in his gentle kiss. 

“We can talk about it when you’re not in a hospital bed, if you’d like” her eyes looked guarded. 

He squeezed her hand again “I want to know you.”

The doctor came in and told Ben he should stay overnight.

Ben said he wanted to go home and then texted someone, moments later a nurse came in to his room with his discharge papers. Rey didn’t question him. 

“Are you taking care of him? If he falls asleep on his hand again he’ll end up an amputee.”

“Yes.” Rey says interrupting Ben in saying “no.”

“Yes?” Ben looks up at Rey. 

Rey squeezes his hand “Yes.” 

—-

Ben’s convinced Rey that he cannot stay at his place. Theres going to be a mattress pooled in blood and he will need to sleep in a bed. They are going to pick up some things so he can stay over. She tells him time and again that his place is much nicer but he’s ignoring her comments as if he’s heard it all before. Emmat meets them at Rey’s place with Ben’s overnight bag. 

“Home sweet home” Rey tells him as he walks into her duplex and flips the light. 

Ben looks around at the chipped paint on the window, the uneven cabinet doors, and fabric on her love seat that looks like its right out of a 1990’s sitcom. He smiles, this is Rey. He can see the images of her moving across these rooms. He likes the movie he plays in his mind. “I love it” 

”Yeah sure,” she giggles at him “I hope you had him pack you warm pajamas because my heater isn’t as nice as yours.” 

“we can huddle for warmth” he says grabbing her waist. 

“Ben I am starving, and you need to take it easy.” 

He leans down to her lips places a gentile kiss and says “let’s get you some food.” 

Rey orders takeout and begrudgingly Ben eats a little. His stomach is not feeling great but he’s happy just to be here. The silence isn’t heavy it floats and he stares at her as she pulls another piece of noodle out of her stir fry. She looks up and sees his eyes scanning her, “Ben I think we should talk.” 

“We can do that.” He sits up straighter and his gaze breaks, he didn’t like the hesitation that came out when she said that. 

“This morning, after last night I was so confused about what happened with us and I uh-“ She sounds so unsure and his nerves are building “I googled you.” She looks at her from the side without moving her head to face him. 

A knowing “Ah,” came out of his mouth. He knows what comes up, he’s not famous to anyone who doesn’t read Business Man Today, but the internet can make the world so small. “So?” Trying to probe her thoughts.

“I mean you told me you were an accountant?” She looks through her brow at him. 

“I am an accountant.” He reaffirms. 

“Right but that’s not all you are and you know it. It feels like a lie.” 

“I just don’t like talking about it until I have to, I have had- ugh” he lets out a frustrated groan “I have so many people use me to get to my family, to their money, and I was still getting to know who you were.” 

“If I thought I would ever see you again, I wouldn’t have looked you up. I hoped I would, but you were angry. I didn’t think we were going to be anything and we had only seen a little of each other so I didn’t know if you’d care.” 

He reaches across the table to grab her can and lifts her gaze to meet his “I care” 

She smiles and he lets go to meet her back with a smirk. “Do you wanna go watch a movie in bed?” She asks

“You have a TV in your bedroom?” He asks as if it’s the most unnatural thing in the world. 

“Yes Ben I do,” she snarks back at him “and it’s super great for days like this when my guy almost bleeds to death and needs to lay in a bed and relax.” 

“okay,” he says putting his palms up in surrender. Grinning at the sound of her saying ‘my guy’

Rey helped Ben change his shirt to make sure he wouldn't agitate the bandage on his hand. He notices her shudder as his shirt comes off. He insist he doesn’t want to sleep in a shirt, she doesn’t fight him on it. 

They curl up in her bed and Rey places her head on Bens chest, while they watch ‘American Ultra’. Ben feels Rey’s breath on his chest and he doesn’t want to move ever again. He grabs his phone from the nightstand sending a text, 

"Kaydel, I’d like a TV in my room.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If your ignoring my chapter soundtrack this one is a bop on its own  
> ; "Fire for You" by Cannons. I need to go to bed goodnight for now!


	13. An Entire Drawer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey navigate his recovery
> 
> _"Feels like lightning  
>  Running through my veins  
> Every time I look at you" _

Rey can’t think of the last time she didn’t show up to work two days in a row, because she doesn’t think it's ever happened. She called Ackbar and told him she wasn’t feeling well to avoid explaining the bizarre situation she was in. Having never taken a sick day where she wasn’t working from home he insisted she could take the week to recover and maybe wait to work on a weekend story. 

This is why Rey didn’t take time off, she liked being the first call when a lead came in. She liked knowing she had the scoop, and it took her years to get there. Ackbar insisted, he didn’t give her the option.

She had quietly gotten out of bed and was sitting on her couch with her laptop, searching for something to write about. Checking her emails for leads. She would’ve taken anything to fill the hole left in her by not being able to work. She searched Ben’s name again, it felt wrong. She was reading articles like she was reading his diary. Checking over her shoulder making sure he wasn’t coming. Learning about his family, his academics, the multiple jobs he held in the company through the years. Searching for a man who was asleep in her bedroom. Thinking of Finns words, she felt dirty and turned the computer off. 

——-

Rey went into the room looking for her phone charger. Her hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head. The shorter pieces of hair were falling out the back and she was in her sweats she had slept in. She must have rustled around a little too much because as she tried to sneak away she heard Ben’s sleepy voice, 

“Good morning, Rey” The sun poured in from the window behind the bed and glistened on his pale chest. His hair was slept in but still unbelievably beautiful. His smile was sweet and he squinted his eyes at the light. 

“Morning” 

“Got any big plans for today? He asks teasing. 

“Nah, just babysitting.” She winks at him, and he pretends to be wounded. “I was thinking about making a pot of soup actually, the temperature is supposed to drop to -10.” 

“soup sounds amazing.”

“well, if you don’t have any plans you’re more than welcome to come over and have some.” She says through a full smile. “I ordered some groceries, they should be here soon. Do you want some coffee?” 

“you are reading my mind" 

Ben gets up and manages to put on a dark long sleeve t shirt and follows Rey to the kitchen, she pours him a cup of coffee which he insists he prefers black and she watches in amazement since she needs at least 3 teaspoons of sugar in hers. 

”So do you wanna talk?” Rey asks, but it doesn’t sound heavy even if that is her intention.

“My family?” Ben knew it was coming, and he’s feeling a bit more separated now from his moms visit, her urging him to talk to Han, and his call from Jes. 

“Now you’re reading my mind.” 

“My mother showed up in my office that morning, I haven’t seen her in 2 months and I walk into my office first thing and she’s there.” Rey is listening but remains quiet. “She wanted me to talk to my dad. We had a blow up before, uh before I moved here and it kind of sparked this transition.” As he continues to talk she can see the words look like they are becoming more painful to say. 

“That sounds harsh”

“Thats one way of putting it, I uh- I have never really gotten along with him. He left when I was young. I always felt like he didn’t like me. I don’t think he ever wanted a kid. I’ve just been feeling a lot of pressure to make nice with him and I don’t think I’m ready.” 

”right, but I didn’t realize that asking you about your name would spark such a response.” 

“Now that is my fault, I have been here two months and haven’t looked for a new therapist. I have had this anger inside of me, as long as I can remember and it sometimes consumes me. I have to keep constantly working it down, for some reason that was the straw that broke the camels back.”

Rey accepts this, she is not sure she understands it. Understanding family isn’t her strong suit but she can’t imagine this would be the lie he would to turn to. It’s embarrassing and it’s personal for him, and this is enough for now. 

“I did take your advice though,” he raises his eyebrows at her and his voice sounds much more playful. “before I slept on my hand I hired a decorator.” 

Rey laughed at this “keeping your priorities straight then?” 

They sat and drank coffee as Ben told Rey more about his family dynamic. His mom who was always working, and his laid back father always chasing the next adventure. Rey didn’t ask questions, she would listen and take in what he felt comfortable sharing. She felt like her online digging was already an invasion and she didn’t want him to start asking her questions she wasn’t ready to answer. 

—

Rey loves to cook, soup is her specialty growing up in Illinois the winter requires warm food to keep yourself from freezing. Her foster mom Maz taught her to make all different kinds, but today for Ben she made vegetable beef. 

“Ben, if you’d like to make yourself a bowl it’s ready” she says as she stirs it and turns the stove off. Ben and Rey have spent the morning talking over the tv as it play re runs of Golden Girls. Rey has been looking at Ben’s email with him on her computer to look over the mood boards his decorator sent him. She tries not to disagree because it’s his place, but she is vocal about what she likes even before he says what he thinks. She thinks it might be influencing him, but neither one of them say anything about it

“Rey, this is amazing” Ben tells her cuddling back up on her couch with his bowl. 

“I’m glad you like it” says cuddling up next to him, “what should we watch?”

“Oh, Man in The Iron Mask, have you seen it? 

“No, I don’t think so” 

“perfect.” 

The light outside begins to fade, the tension has been growing all day as they have kept a respectful distance. Not shared even so much as a kiss. It’s not that Rey hasn’t thought about it but she is unsure how uncomfortable he is feeling with his hand. The distance is not tight it is not a rope about to snap. He makes her laugh, and the conversation is easy and the quiet is too. Rey tells him about the story she had been working on, the one that he helped her get through unknowingly. She swears his eyes twinkle when she gives him the recognition. He is a kind spirit and can be incredibly thoughtful in his words. Ben slowly lifts his arm to the back of the couch and rests his wounded hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s getting late, I should probably get going.” 

Rey looks up at him, surprise covers her face and she isn’t trying to cover it up. “oh?” 

“I don’t want to outstay my welcome” His fingers are now tracing the base of her neck and she leans into the sensation. 

“I just thought you would stay? I took the week off of work, ugmmm - “ She stops herself because she can hear the neediness in her voice. “just your mattress.” 

“I had Ematt replace mine today.” His eyes are locked on hers and his voice is soft. 

“oh” she says again and now she knows her disappointment is flashing like a neon sign 

“Rey?” 

“Humm?” 

“I would love to see you tomorrow. I just don’t think I should stay tonight” As quick as her excitement rises it falls by the time he finishes his sentence. 

“but why no-“ Before she can get the words out he interrupts her. 

“I like you, and if I stay here I won’t keep my hands off of you. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea of what I want this to be.” She stares blankly trying to process these words. “Today was my favorite day in Chicago and I don’t want to ruin it, so I think I should go home.” 

Rey leans into his chest to hug him, she can hear his heart speed up as his body becomes aware of the contact she made. “It was a pretty good day”

She feels a little ridiculous to think that she hardly knows Ben, but when she feels near him it’s different. It’s not like the past relationships she’s had that end due to some inevitable conflict. Her prioritizing her work, them wanting to have kids right away, shit, once a guy broke it off with her because she refused to let him keep a spare change of clothes at her house. She got good at laughing it off and drinking wine and being her sarcastic self about how small his dick was anyways after they left. She won’t be hurt by men who are held together by fragile masculinity. And she won’t say it out loud, but Ben could have an entire drawer at her place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for you patience this chapter has been the hardest to write. I got writers block pretty bad. I think about this story all the time so worried I may let some of you down.
> 
> Song of this chapter is:"Please Forgive Me" by David Gray know it might be kind of weird that I keep suggesting music for each chapter but I was listening to music and a song that will probably be at the end was my inspiration for this entire story, So I hope you listen and try to connect with my Rey and Ben.


	14. Option Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben fights loneliness and tries to sort out what he feels for Rey.
> 
> _"Sand is dry, cuts like glass  
>  Heal my urge, get here fast  
> I'll be your gold angel  
> If you want me" _

Rey watched him pack up and though the throbbing pain wasn’t only coming off his hand when he kissed her goodbye, he still left. She said they could see each other tomorrow and that gave him hope. After the night he’d cut his hand and she had left, there was a coldness that surrounded him. He wasn’t sure what it was, but once she kissed him in the hospital it had disappeared and he knew that this was something different. 

After the cleaning crew had called the ambulance it seems they stayed behind to clean the blood off of his floor. He walked by the mattress covered in dry blood that was leaning against the living room wall. Ematt had said he would have someone stop by tomorrow to grab it. Ben felt lonely here, most of the time he was in Chicago he was alone but this was different. He could kick himself for leaving her. He wanted her he knew that much, but there was a voice inside telling him to slow down and create something real. 

Ben walked into his bathroom, he hadn’t showered since Rey had been over and he was in desperate need. His bathroom was large and dark. The shower was more of a room itself with glass walls and black tile. He couldn’t get his hand wet so it was tricky but he managed to get a grocery bag taped around his wrist which made it easier for him to wash his hair and body. 

He pulled on pajamas and fell onto his bed. It was new, he could smell the factory on it and it was sterile and it reminded him of the lonely feeling again. 

Ben’s face smiles with the hope of tomorrow. 

Ben locks his phone afraid to say too much and he stares at the ceiling, he left too early. He wanted to leave before it got unbearably cold, yet sitting in his apartment alone he feels cold anyway. Against his better judgment he decides to call her. 

Calling: Mom

”Hello son” 

His mothers voice sounds soft but almost rushed “Are you busy?”

“Always but I have time for you.” 

“I uh, cut my hand and well I ended up in the hospital. I am okay I am home now, but I figured you’d hear and I didn’t want you to freak out.”

“Your uncle Lando called me after he received a text from you demanding to be released. He’s a medical professional not your errand boy you know?” 

“I am sorry if I over stepped, I just didn’t want to stay and I know he has some pull with the bigger hospitals. I am fine though, I can’t believe you didn’t call sooner if you knew” 

“Oh Ben, I am your mother. I know you far too well that you won’t tell me anything unless you want to talk about it. Honestly though, had I called you wouldn’t have answered.” 

He won’t argue, she’s right. “I love you mom."

“I know.” She waits a moment to say “I love you too Ben.” 

“Goodnight.” 

Ben feels lighter, he knew his mom would know about his hospital stay the moment he texted Lando, but this was more about the tension Han seemed to have created when he urged Leia to talk to Ben about fixing their relationship. Ben needed at least one of his parents. 

Ben sat on his couch and tried anything to keep his mind off of calling Rey or texting Rey. He wasn’t so desperate to call his dad but he decided that sports center wasn’t going to cut it. He walked over to his fridge to see that the only thing in there was alcohol and condiments. He’s dumb, he knows but he can’t help it.

Like a kid waiting for Christmas morning Ben decided he would try and sleep through his anxious waiting. He was on his sterile mattress staring up at the fan. He had never been so sprung so soon over someone. He couldn’t figure out this invisible pull she had over him, they weren’t even anything really. Hardly more than strangers but if happiness was a feeling Ben was able to feel, it was when he was around this woman. He thought of Rey and his eyes started to weigh heavy and he slipped into a light sleep. 

His phone rang, he woke and to his surprise it was dark out still. He looked at his alarm clock and it was 10:45 he’d only slept an hour. His mood perked up when he saw Rey was calling, “Hello?” He said trying not to make it obvious that he had been sleeping. 

“You have two options Solo.” She said to him confidently 

“Oh?” His interest was heightened. 

“You can come down to your lobby in your jammies and pick up this bowl of soup from me or,” she paused

“Or?” Ben asked anxiously 

“Or you can call your doorman and tell him there’s a pretty little thing coming over to bring you soup.” She paused again. “those are the only options thought because I am already in my car and I cannot tell you how cold it was getting in here, and damnit you’re getting this soup.”

“How far are you?” Ben asks quietly 

“I should be pulling up in about 5 minuets.” 

“I’ll meet you downstairs and we can decide then.” 

“You would, Ben!” She huffs at him. 

“I would what?” He asks shocked at her anger. 

“You would find option number 3,” she huffs a laugh this time and Ben does too. 

“See you soon.” 

Ben springs out of bed and starts brushing his teeth. On his way out the door he slides on some sneakers without socks and throws a blanket over the old mattress to cover up the blood “Just in case” he says to himself. 

When he gets down to the lobby he tries not to make eye contact with anyone. He doesn’t look very presentable and it is almost obvious as to why he is waiting there. When Rey walks in she is in jeans and a sweatshirt. She looks good in jeans, Ben thinks. She has a large reusable plastic bag and he assumes that the soup. She is shivering as she meets Ben’s eyes and he smiles. She leans in for a kiss and Ben can feel how cold she really is.

“You’re freezing! Did you park in the garage or on the north poll?” He teases her

“I parked in the garage, I just uh, my car’s heater doesn’t work.”

Ben looks at her bewildered. She drove here with snow on the road with no heat. Its unbearably cold and windy and not to mention the work it must have taken to get the frost off without a heater. “Okay well that settles it,” Ben grabs her hand and pulls her toward the elevators “I’ll sleep on the couch if I have to but there is no way I am letting you drive home like this, and we are taking that car to a shop in the morning.”

“Ben it’s really not that big of a deal.” Rey is trying to downplay it while they wait for the elevator doors to open. 

“Rey it’s dangerous, we can take it to a shop in the morning and I can drive you home to get cleaned up and we should still have plenty of time before Kaydel shows up.” He is trying to sooth her by rubbing his arms down hers in an addition to warm her up.

“I brought a change of clothes just in case” and she lifts the bag she walked in with. 

“Rey!” He says shockingly “Is there even soup in there?”

“yes!” She says with a cheeky grin.

“I cannot believe you’re booty calling me.” 

The elevator door opens and Rey gives him another smile, they walk in and as soon as the door closes Ben pushes her against the wall in a feverish kissing frenzy. She lets out little moans as he bites gently on her lower lip. When they reach his floor he cannot open the door quick enough, she places her bag on his kitchen counter and starts removing her sweater. He slides off his sneakers and his shirt. He lifts her shirt above her head and she leads him to his bed. She pushes him down and straddles his crotch. She can feel him twitching as she grinds on him and his kisses move down her neck as he growls at how beautiful she is. He stops suddenly and puts his head on the pillow. 

“Rey I like you, this is why I left.” He sounds torn. “I want you so bad because, fuck, but I don’t want it to be just this.”

“I know, I want more too.” she says quietly leaning over him to find his lips “but this can be apart of it.”

“I am so serious I don’t want us to mess this up” 

“If you don’t fuck me right now, I will never speak to you again.” 

Ben moans at the way she says this to him, “it sounds like my hands are tied.” He says softly 

Her mouth moves to his ear and she whispers, “They aren’t, but I’d like them to be.” 

A noise comes out of Ben that doesn’t even sound human as she gets up off of him and disappears into his closet. She comes back with one of his belts and climbs back up to where she had been sitting. She gestures her head up above his head so he'll move his hands. She wraps the belt around his wrists until he lets out another groan. “Are you going to listen to me now?” She asks in a commanding voice. 

“yes” Ben lets out with a moan 

“Yes ma’am” she demands 

“Yes ma’am” he says as his smile widens. She removes her jeans and begins to pull Ben’s pajama pants down. She carefully kisses the head of his cock without touching the rest of him and she grins as his wetness starts. She circles him and removes her underwear.

“Open” she tells him as she puts her fingers to his mouth and he does. She throws her leg around his head and pulls herself over his face. He lets out another moan and his mouth beings working in a fever. He has never tasted anything this good. He liked not being in control letting her have her way with him and as he worked his tongue she began moaning his name. This made him move harder, and he went faster and her legs twitched around his head until she threw her hands back to catch herself on the beside Ben’s hips. “Do you want to fuck me, Ben?” She asks him slowly his mouth still buried in her wet cunt. 

“Yes please,” he says urgently but she’s muffling the sound. 

“I think I like it when you beg for it.” Her tone is devilish.

“Please" he says as she begins to move down his torso keeping her legs on either side of him. “Please Rey let me fuck you, please.” His voice sounds desperate. She leans up and removes the belt from his wrist. He grabs her wrist and he tries to line himself up to move in her but she leans forward so he can't. 

“I didn’t say yes yet, did I?” 

“No ma’am” he says like a boy getting in trouble. 

“Where are you going to come, Ben?” She asks harshly. 

“Rey, please I’ll come where ever you want, please just let me fuck you please.” His pleading is becoming more instinctive. 

“You’re going to come inside of me Ben. I want to feel it inside of my tight little cunt.” 

He’s shaking his head before she finishes talking “Yes ma’am I will.” 

She slides back on him and lets him enter her and his chest explodes with ease as his neediness becomes less frantic. He is pumping in and out and she’s moving around screaming on top of him. Her small tits bounce as he pushes himself in her harder and faster. “Oh Ben,” she screams and he body starts shaking again “Ben come for me now” she is now sounding desperate “Now Ben, please.” She begins to be breathless, "Please fill me up Ben" The sound of her begging takes him over and he explodes inside of her filling her up and they moan loud animalistic noises as they ride it out. 

She pulls herself off of him and lays next to him in the bed placing her head on his chest. Ben wraps his arm around her, they lay in their euphoria. 

Rey gets up after about 20 minuets to clean off and Ben goes to the kitchen to put the soup away and grab her bag. “You’re not going to eat?” She asks him. 

“I’m not hungry anymore.” And Rey rolls her eyes and they lay back down naked basking in the afterglow until the darkness washes over their consciousness and they fall into a peaceful sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I hope this is okay it's a little long and I did pictures for the text messages instead of typing its more work but I read a FF that had it like this and I prefer it personally. Chapter song is "Gold Angel" By Minke


	15. You Were Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben set up the redecoration of Ben's place.
> 
> _"Promises mean only two ways out  
>  I'm not afraid, can't you hear them calling out  
> You and I, we've got young bodies, old souls" _

Rey wakes to the sound of the shower running in the bathroom attached to the bedroom. She smiles as she remembers where she is. She walks in quietly and decides she wants to join him. She sees his muscular side silhouette outlined through the steam and shutters. Still naked from last night she opens the door and pulls herself to his back wrapping her arms around him to meet at his chest.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” She melts at his low voice calling her pet names. 

“good morning” she says, her voice still sounds as if she’s waking up. He turns around and pulls him against her and she laughs at the bag on his hand. He shrugs as he leans down to kiss her sweetly

He stands kissing her and holding her close, the water falling in-between them makes her skin feel like it’s melting into his. He feels her tremble and he shuts the water off and wraps her in a towel. It’s thick and soft and warm. He removes the bag from his hand and picks her up again as he did the first time he carried her to bed but this time he’s not in a hurry.

He lays her back on the bed and the pillow under her head is soaking wet from her hair but she can’t move. Her senses are stunned as he places soft kisses all over her body. Moving his hand under her hips she feels the length of him on her legs and she lets out a moan “Ben, I want you” she says softly. 

Ben moves his lips to her’s and says “I’m yours” He moves inside of her and their body shake together. He is deliberate and soft and present. He continues to kiss her neck and her back arches as she calls out to him. 

“Oh, Ben. Ben.” Her moans are small but full. She can feel his eyes piercing her as he studies the way she looks with him inside of her. His raven hair flowing around his face making his skin seem all the more fair. She could stay here, the thought is fleeting but true. This feels right, her draw to Ben had been so natural and it shows by the way their bodies flow together. She feels herself clenching at her core as Ben pushes in a steady motion reaching his hand down to tease her clit, focusing on her pleasure. Ben grunts and their bodies shake in unison. Rey reaches her head to Bens neck to kiss him and their lips meet again as he rolls off of her. 

The room goes quiet and Rey listens to his heart beat and she can feel hers and she is right here with him and she thinks of nothing but him. It feels right. 

“Do you want to get coffee?” Rey breaks the silence 

“I can make some, and we can pick up breakfast after we drop off your car.”

“Ben we don’t have to do that today I can drop it off some other time.” 

“How long has it been out?” He asks her as he raises an eyebrow at her. 

“About 6 months” she says in a guilty voice. 

“I know a guy” he says as he gets up to make coffee. 

—- 

Rey gets into Ben’s car after dropping her car off at the service station, “where should we get food from?” Ben asks.

“Theres a store up here, we could get some groceries and I can cook.” She suggests 

“I don’t want you to have to cook, Rey. You’re good at it but I don’t want to put you to work.”

“I love cooking, especially when I can do It for people I care about” She looks at him and smiles and he grabs her hand. 

“Groceries it is.” 

Something as simple as buying groceries with Ben makes her heart skip. This is what normal people do, they shop for food together, so they can share meals together. She likes the feeling of together when it involves Ben. 

They grab snacks and enough groceries to stock Bens place. Ben starts walking down the toiletry isle, he stops in front of the shampoo, turns to ask Rey “which one do you use?” She points to the bottle with the flowers on it and he grabs it with the matching conditioner. 

“Oh, Ben I don’t need any I have plenty at home.” She goes to reach for it in the cart to put it back and he grabs her hands before she can and wraps them around his waist.

He leans down and kisses her forehead “Those are to keep in my shower.” He tells her. She goes still for a moment and nods her head as he grabs the cart and continues to walk. 

For his place, he wants me to have things at his place. She can’t get this out of her head. It freaks her out a little, but only because having things at his place makes her happy and not scared. She thinks about the drawer she’d given him in her head and grabs an extra bottle of the shampoo she’d seen him use in the shower and runs to catch up with him. She places it in the cart and he looks over to her, “For you to keep in my shower” she tells him. He smiles and they finish their shopping. 

——-

When Rey starts breakfast Ben slips into his office to take a few calls. When he comes back into the living space he has his laptop open and is looking through his email. 

“Hey what do you think of this one? I like the black but I don’t know if I am a mustard yellow kind of guy” 

Last minute mood boards from Kaydel. Rey laughs “Ben, everything cannot be black all the time. It’s okay to let the light and the sun in you know. You should see my friends apartment. They have great taste and their place isn’t as nice as yours but they have an eye for design.” 

“Rose?” 

Reys huffs a laugh remembering that is the only friend of Rey’s that Ben knows, “No Poe and Finn, Finn is my best friend and he and Poe just got engaged. Poe is a pilot so he makes good money, it’s not “Billion Dollar Merger” money but it’s provided a cute little home.” Rey notices Ben’s face go a little sour at this. “Is it still too sensitive for me to mention my extracurricular googling?” 

“I just don’t think I like hearing you talk about my moms merger, there are much sexier things we could be doing with that mouth of yours.” He leans over to kiss her and she gives him a playful swat and leans in to kiss him back. 

Ben’s phone rings, it’s the doorman Kaydel and her team show up and storm the apartment. Rey notices that Kaydel is pretty, and very peppy. “You must be Mrs. Solo!” Kaydel says reaching for Rey’s hand. 

Rey almost passes out at the sound of this, “No I’m not his wife, I am uh I’m just- “ Rey’s face flushed red as she stumbles over her words. What is she supposed to say? I am the girl that comes over to fuck Ben? 

“Rey and I have been dating” Ben interrupts and places his hand on Rey’s lower back to settle her nerves. “I asked her to be here when you came by, she has a good eye for things like this and her opinion matters very much to me.” 

Ben says these things like he’s used to people asking questions about him. Rey is usually the one asking the questions. Either way this answer is thought out and very sweet. “Oh, I am sorry to assume. You make a cute couple.” Kaydel says although she doesn’t seem very phased. 

Her team is walking around taking measurements of everything, one person removes the old mattress from the living room. Rey and Ben are swarmed with the big bag Kaydel brought in and she assures them to focus on texture because they can get any color he’d like. She starts asking about demolition and additions he might like to make. Perhaps adding a vanity to the his and her closets in the master. It’s all too much for Rey’s brain to handle. She lets Ben talk and only give her opinion when he asks. This is his place, that’s how it should be. 

After Kaydel and her many minions leave Ben looks at her and blows a sigh of relief that they’re gone. “Wow, that was more than I though” he says to her.

Rey looks over at him and smiles, “It’s going to be beautiful Ben.” 

“Just not as nice as Finn’s place?”

“Do you want to meet my friends Ben?” She blurts it out unsure as to why. She knows that he’s probably already overwhelmed and she doesn’t want to add pressure but she can’t help it. 

“I would love to, I don’t know anyone in the city but you and if they’re your friends they must be pretty great” His response surprises her, he’s not running scared that her shampoo is in his bathroom or that she wants him to meet her friends. He wants those things, he’s feeling it too. 

“You know what I’ve been thinking about a lot today?” She asks him softly moving herself closer until his hands are on her hips. 

“What’s that?”

She leans her cheek to his chest and wraps her arms around his torso. “You said you were mine.” Her voice is coy as if she’s standing naked in front of a crowd. 

He kisses the top of her hair, and lets out a little huff of a laugh “I am, sweetheart” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter makes me so happy. They're sweet. I know a few of you said it was soon but I hope you can sense that they have their bond still even though it's not common in this universe. Idk if that makes sense. The song of this chapter I HIGHLY recommend, its one of my favorite songs all time! "Young Bodies" by Westward the Tide <3


	16. Champagne and Orange Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time Ben and Rey share prospective in the same chapter. I felt it was important here. I try and make a point to split it up, hope it works well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"when darkness comes  
>  And pain is all around  
> Like a bridge over troubled water  
> I will lay me down" _

Ben likes the feeling of waking up next to Rey and he’s not looking forward to getting back to work next week. He knows she keeps a busy schedule and he’s going to miss this. She raises her head from his bear chest and looks up at him through her lashes. He leans down to kiss her head. “Good Morning Ben.” Her voice is so sweet in the morning he thinks. 

”What do you want to do today?” 

“I was hoping to get some work done and maybe go into the office later to see if I can get my name in print this weekend.” This answer disappoints him but he understands. 

Ben looks at her longingly wishing neither one of them had to leave this space. “Do you want me to take you to go get your car?” He asks her then places a kiss on her nose. 

“yes please.” She says looking up at him with doe eyes. 

“I’m going to have a hell of a time letting you leave” He says this out loud without even realizing it. Rey moves over him and kisses him again this time exploring his mouth. God, he loves the little noises she makes when she kisses him like this. It makes his skin feel electric. He grabs her neck and moves her hair behind her shoulders to expose the freckles on her tan skin. He kisses her there and she moves down his body. She begins to stroke him and he makes a loud groan. She licks her way up his shaft and he digs his hands into the sheets as she begins putting the length of him in her mouth and sucks. His throat is making a chocking noise and she looks up to see his eyes are focused on her every movement. She makes a show out of relaxing her throat and taking him deeper. He can hear her little moans as she tastes him and his head spins. She starts touching herself and he can’t stand the sight of not being able to reach her. 

He shifts out from under her and comes at her from behind. She’s on her hands and knees and she turns around to look at him as he lines himself up. Fully pressing into her he groans “fuck Rey” and she smiles at him saying her name in such a pleasurable way. He pushes in further the next time and she turns back now and he can feel that he’s found the space inside her that needs to be pleasured. He takes his hands to her ass to stabilize her and he continues to rock himself in and out until she’s screaming and he’s covered in her come. “where Rey?’ He asks breathlessly and she doesn't respond with words rather a look over her shoulder as she rocks back into him making him moan and he fills her insides with his come and she wiggles again at the feeling of being so full of him. 

He slumps over her body she lays flat and rolls out from under him. “I am going to have a hard time leaving too Ben,” she kisses his cheek and moves to the shower without him. 

“I think we should have a rule here,” Ben says as he joins her in his shower. “You’re not allowed to use my shower alone anymore.” He smiles down at her and she places a kiss on his chest. 

—

The kiss goodbye is hard on him, but he lets her go outside the auto shop. He sends a text before he drives away. 

Rey enters the auto shop and the mechanic checks her ID and hands her the keys "it’s all good to go.”

“sorry, I hate to be this person but I need to pay?” She looks at him, he’s had a long day I’m sure. 

“No, your bill has been paid ma’am you're all good to go.” She looks at him with her brown scrunched in confusion. He prints the receipt and hands it to her. Most information is just *** and then numbers except the last name on the card says ‘Solo’ 

Calling: Ben 

“Is everything okay?”

“You paid for my heater, Ben.” 

“Well you risked your life to bring me soup it was the least I could do, sweetheart.” 

“Ben, it’s very sweet but I don’t need you to handle me like that. I don’t want your money and I can pay to fix my own car.” She’s annoyed and she’s making it clear. She doesn’t want to be kept. 

“Rey I know that, I wanted to do it for you. I Was the one who forced you to go get it fixed.” She is quiet “Honestly, if I was trying to handle you I would’ve bought you a different car. One with automatic windows and four wheel drive.” She can hear the amusement in his voice and she’s sure he’s trying to lighten the mood.

“Can you ask me next time, or can we talk about it first. Please.” It’s not a question she needs to be involved in making choices that deal with her. She cannot budge on that. 

”Absolutely, I am sorry I was just trying to help.” 

“I know, Ben,” she pauses “I miss you too.” 

She walks into the office and even though its Friday and she’s showed up for a half day. Ackbar assures her that he doesn’t have any open stories for her and she should go home and get ready for next week. She groans but she knows that if there’s no room they’re going to kick her opinion piece out and it would be a waste of a day. She decides to call Ben, she’s only been separated from him for 4 hours and knows that she has to try and not sound needy.

“Hello sweetheart” his tone is quiet and clear 

”Hey are you busy?” 

“No, what’s up?

“My boss said I am fired until Monday” 

“I love your boss, do you want to come over?” 

“What ever for?” She laughs

“We could go out?” 

”It’s too cold!” 

“We could stay in.”

”Ill be there in 20 minuets.” 

Either Ben called the doorman, or he’s used to her presents here because he let’s her on the elevator. When Rey gets to his floor her heart beat picks up like she is a teenager again going on her first date. She knocks and the door opens almost right away and before she has time for pleasantries Ben grabs her hand and pulls her into a big warm hug. 

”I am so glad you’re here” He says squeezing her tighter. He’s still holding her while he closes the door. Rey hugs him and presses her smile into his bicep that’s covered by a grey sweater. ”Rey, look about your car, I am sorry I..” 

She cuts him off “I appreciate it Ben, but if this, if we are going to be a thing” she twinges at the web she is spinning with this point she is trying to convey. While she continues to fumble through it. “Not that I’m saying we are, or we don’t need to put a label on it, unless you want, or not, and whatever it is doesn’t have to be anything but, I am just saying if..”

Much to her delight Ben stops her, “As much as I like seeing your head spin, I feel very comfortable with calling us a thing” he offers her a smile but she just nods.

“Right, so if we are a thing, I really need to be included in the decisions we make, anything that has to do with the other. I don’t like being left out.”

“Okay, I will talk to you next time.” He is shaking his head making sure she feels heard. “I still feel like that car is a death trap” he lets out a huffed laugh.

Rey rolls her eyes at him, “Oh what restraint you showed in not buying me a new car” she says drenching her words in sarcasm. He ignores her and pulls her to his lips. “So we are a thing?” She looks up at him through her eyelashes

His grip at her waist tightens and he looks down at her and raises his eyebrows “Oh yeah, Rey, we are definitely a thing.” It’s the biggest smile she’s ever seen on his face and she can’t help but let out an audible giggle while her heart skips.

“Did you still want to meet my friends?” She asks him, the shy feeling rolling off of her as he continues to stare at her adoringly. 

A quick kiss lands on the tip of her nose “Of corse I do.” 

“They’ve invited us to brunch on Sunday, if you’re free.” 

This quick kiss lands on her lips “I am” 

“You want to go?”

This kiss isn’t as quick “I do.” His voice is getting quieter. 

“good, you bring the champagne and i’ll bring the orange juice.”

He makes a hissing sound as he pulls himself back from the embrace. She shoots him a confused glare and he says “It’s just, and I hate to be that guy. I do but, I paid for your car to get fixed, so maybe you should buy the champagne?” 

She doesn’t think she has ever rolled her eyes harder as he beings to laugh, thinking that his comment is the funniest thing in the world. She leans in and playfully smacks his chest before they lean in to kiss again. 

——

If kissing him is always going to lead to this she is going to need to kiss him less. Her legs muscles are soar as he lifts her legs up to his shoulders. She may need to be getting to the gym more but this is a workout in itself. 

The way he moves across her like he’s floating leaves her breathless. His mouth on her nipple and he bites slightly to let her moan in pleasurable pain. His kisses feel like fire on her skin because she can feel his length rubbing against her and her insides ache for him. 

“Ben, please I need.” 

He sits up and smacks her ass harder than feels like play but she lets another deep moan out as she looks at him, his eyes a dark black from their usual bourbon color. “I know what you need, baby girl.” His voice is low and graveling and it makes her shiver. 

He continues to leave his little love bits across her skin before he lines himself up, and he looks down at her face, she knows what he wants and she angles her chin up at him “Please Ben, fuck me, please.” 

She knows thats what he wanted to hear because all of a sudden he’s crashing into her wet cunt and her walls are clenching around him. He’s thick and deep and it sends a pain through her because she still isn’t used to men his size. “More, please Ben, more.” She is doing it now because she know what it does to him to see her beg for him. 

“You’re fucking greedy huh?” His movements are quicker per her request and in a muffled groan he grabs the back of her knees pressing his fingertips into her skin. “This is what you want?” He asks 

“Yes please, more” she moans, her body is starting to quiver. 

“You want more?” His hands release her legs and they fall to the sides of his hips. He moves one hand to her center and starts rubbing her clit as he’s slamming into her. The bed frame is smashing into the wall and she’s moaning beneath him. “Do you want me to come in your pussy? Will that make you come, Rey?” His voice is loud and demanding.

”Yes please, come for me please” The begging gets him and he erupts into her and she yells “Fuck yes, fuck, fuck.” His hand continues to swirl over her clit until her body cannot take the sensation and she bucks her hips straight up in the air. 

In a low tone he says “good girl”

Ben stands first and looks down at her completely still and stunned. “Are you okay?” He asks. 

She looks up at his bourbon colored eyes, and smiles because she can hear the concern in his voice, “You’re wearing me out Solo, my body hurts.” Still trying to catch her breath. She says it with a smirk and he smiles wide with pride. 

He leans down to kiss her and places a finger on her lips, he slowly trails his finger down her face to her neck and chest until he reaches her nipple and his hand expands to grab her breast. “don’t move” he tells her softly “I’ll be right back.” 

Rey quivers, at his touch but once he’s told her not to move she wouldn’t dare. He walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind him. She can hear movement and water, he is in there longer than expected but she just stares up at the ceiling. 

When he returns he’s still naked and she can see candle light flickering behind him. His eyes meet hers and there is care in them as he studies her. She looks back at him so ridged and solid. Without a word he helps her sit up and wraps her hands around his neck and his go around her waist. When he lifts her she wraps her legs around him and he walks back into the bathroom. His big tub is filled with steaming water and bubbles. He steps in with her still clinging to him and sits them down slowly. 

They sit like this for a moment before Rey shits her shelf off of him and places her back on his chest. His arms encase her and she relaxes between his legs. He breaks the silence “Is this helping?” Rey can feel the tears start to well up in her eyes. She’s been through this before where she let men into her bed, or would let them fill her time over dinner. There was never this much care, with anyone. And in such an intimate setting, one that has effected her heart like this. She nods slowly turning sideways and letting her head settle deeper into his chest. 

“More than you know.” She chokes out and she thinks maybe he mistakes her tear for water and until he wipes it away without a word. He continues to run his fingers along her head stroking her hair until she feels like she is weightless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I’ve planned the future drama and it’s good but I’m really enjoying the mushy stuff 😭 
> 
> song of this chapter: “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon & Garfunkel


	17. I Am Right Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one starts with Ben and ends with Rey again.
> 
> _"But I keep thinking  
>  Something's bound to go wrong  
> But she looks in my eyes  
> And makes me realize  
> And she says "don't worry, baby"_

He notices her tears but won’t ask. Ben is fast to emotion himself and doesn’t always want to talk about it and he doesn’t want to push. He strokes her hair until she is able to feel like the world will melt away and it’s just the two of them. He doesn’t complain, a beautiful naked woman on his lap in his bath, and better yet that woman is Rey.

The water is getting cold and he looks to make sure she’s awake before he moves. She is staring at the candle wick that flickers on the side of the tub. “You ready baby girl?” He asks her quietly. She doesn’t speak but shakes her head and he can feel her lip start to chatter in the cold water. He stands to pull the drain, and dries himself first wrapping a towel around his waist. He grabs Reys towel and helps her stand as he begins drying her body. Her mind is not in that room, and he knows that. He wraps the towel around her body and lifts her again to the bed. 

He slides on a pair of briefs and grabs a t shirt for Rey to wear and helps dress her. She is motionless but will hold the position he puts her in. He lays himself down and pulls her back over to nearly the same position they were sitting in the tub. He doesn’t see tears this time but his grip around her is tighter since he doesn’t have to worry now about his stitches getting wet. 

“I’m here.” He says as he places a kiss on the top of her head, and she moves to make eye contact with him. He says it a little louder and straight into her eyes “I am right here” 

“I know it’s a sensitive subject Ben,” 

He looks down at her with confused eyebrows “what is?” 

“family” it’s hardly a whisper but he hears it

He grabs her chin almost too harsh so that she will look at him “You can talk to me about anything, I don’t care what it is.” 

She lets a breath out and says “When I was six I was found roaming a fire station. My parents left me there. I can’t remember much but I do remember how panicked I was when I couldn’t find a familiar face.” Her tears are heavy now Ben is running his hand up and down her back to shush her. “I grew up in the foster care system. I was lucky, one of my foster siblings taught me to defend myself when I was nine. I avoided abuse because I was never in the same place for more than 6 months. I bounced around different families until I was 16. When I came to stay with Maz. Maz the only mother I had known, and the only reason I got to go to college was because she let me stay even after I turned 18.” 

“She sounds like an amazing woman, Rey.” 

“She was.” Rey says, and that word tears through Ben. Was. 

”When?” He asks and he can hear her breath well up as she sobs. He pulls her closer and wraps his other arm around her head. 

“It’s been about 7 months.” She finally says as she is able to calm herself a bit more. 

Ben places his lips in her hair and begins to rock her. “Thank you for telling me” is all he can think to say. An unimaginable feeling he cant even begin to understand. 

Ben holds her until she’s cried herself to sleep. Then allows his eyes to close, he’s not going to let go. 

—- 

The next morning Ben doesn’t wake to bring her breakfast or coffee in bed, he wakes holding her. Making sure that she’s not alone. He slides his arm across her body, she is laying on her side facing away from him, and he pulls her close. “Good morning” he whispers into the back of her head. She grabs his hand and lets him hold her. 

They stayed in bed a while until Rey decided she wanted to eat. Ben got up with her and they went into the kitchen where Rey started to make breakfast. He just watched her, what a luxury it was to watch her. She moves quietly in the kitchen opening and closing things until she serves him. She makes eye contact and Rey laughs at the look he is giving her. Like he’s never seen another human before and he just laughs back when she asks “Don’t you know it’s not polite to stare?” 

—- 

These little moments fill their day, stolen kisses break up conversations and Ben talks Rey into playing xbox with him for a bit. She insists they leave the apartment but Ben likes this bubble they’re in, especially since she’s been wearing nothing but his t shirt all day. 

”What are we going to do?” He asks 

“It’s a surprise” she tells him as she picks out his outfit. 

“What happened to open communication? Huh? What happened to making joint decisions?” He teases at her. 

“Ben, get dressed.” She is ignoring his questioning as she throws a pair of jeans and a long sleeve Henley grey shirt at him. “We can stop at my place so I can change on the way there.” 

Once Ben is dressed and Rey is in her work clothes they drive to her place so she can change. She makes him wait in the car and he doesn’t argue because it’s warm in his car and cold outside. 

When Rey gets back she’s in jeans and sneakers with a plain grey hoodie. “I assume we aren’t going out for dinner?” He asks. 

“Don’t worry there will be food.” She tells him with a smile. 

Rey knows Chicago, she’s lived here her entire life, so she tells Ben where to go able to keep up the secret as long as possible. It’s when he see’s all the signs to the United Center that he realizes they are going to see the Bulls play. “Do you have Bulls tickets?” He asks her incredibly surprised. 

She smiles bright at him “I do.” She called in a favor, working at the Times has it’s perks. 

Ben seems thrilled as they park. “I cannot believe you like basketball!” He says as he closes his door. 

“I like beer and nachos” she tells him “and seeing you smile” she tacks on. 

Ben scoops her up and spins her around before landing a kiss on her lips. “you’re the best” he tells her and she laughs at his excitement. 

Rey picks up their tickets at will call and after they move inside Rey removes her hoodie to display a red and white Bulls shirt and Ben smiles at her. “I’d say you owe me dinner” she tells him. 

“I’d say you’re right” he slides his arm around her waist and walks her to the nearest concession stand. 

After they’ve collected their food and drinks Rey turns and sees a familiar face, “Korr” She calls out “Korr!” She turns and sees Rey. 

“Rey! How are you?” She asks

“Good, how are you?” 

“I’m great!” 

“God, I don’t think I’ve seen you since Rose and Skip’s wedding.” Rey confesses 

“Yeah, it’s been a while. You’re so busy though I am always seeing your name in my paper!” As she gets that sentence out she notices Ben standing there as the crowd around them moves. She looks up at him. 

”oh!” Rey says noticing Korr’s look. “This is my boyfriend Ben, Ben this is a friend of mine from college, Korr.” 

Ben is already smiling when he nods his head and shrugs his full hands in Korr’s direction “It’s nice to meet you” he says politely.

“And you, Ben” She says offering a friendly smile back “I won’t keep you, but hey call me sometime I’d love to catch up.”

“I’d like that too” Rey says with a smile as Korr turns to find her group. 

Ben is staring and smiling at Rey when she looks back over at him, she hardens her brow “What?” She says and it sounds almost annoyed as she walks to go find their seats.

“You called me your boyfriend” he pokes at her. 

“So?” She rolls her eyes again. “Would you rather have me say, This is Ben we are a thing?” 

“No” he says “I like boyfriend” 

“oh?”

He just smiles as they walk up to their seats. 

Rey is happy here. Not because of the beer, and not because of the nachos, although those are definitely a perk. But because Ben is here. The Bulls lose and neither of them really care. Ben kisses her at the last buzzer, “Do you want to spend the night?”

“Can we stay at my place?” She asks 

He nods and kisses her again. This is happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter I feel like it helps them learn more about one another that we being Raylo fanatics already know. Also I don't like basketball but that is the only sports that would be going on during January so I ran with it. Also a throw back to when Ben was watching Sports Center. 
> 
> Song of the chapter is: "Don't Worry Baby" by Imaginary Future I love The Beach Boys original but I think this cover to Ben's soft nature in this chapter.


	18. Hetero Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's brunch day and a month passes because I know you guys want the DRAMA! Also I made a mood board for Poe and Finns apartment it's in the notes.  
>  _"We could still be having some sweet memories  
>  This heart still beats for you  
> Why can't you see?  
> Shut up, kiss me, hold me tight" _

"Hey guys!" Finn greats Rey and Ben at the door of the flat. 

Rey leans in for a hug, Finn gives the best hugs. "Hi Finn" she pauses and gestures behind her "this is Ben, Ben this is Finn my best friend in the entire world." She flashes Finn a big smile. 

Ben reaches out and shakes Finn's hand "Nice to meet you, man. I've heard a lot about you." Rey had been explaining Finn since day one but she was so excited to see him today that she went on and on about their history and how he met Poe on a dating app. How they just got engaged, how stinking cute they were. 

"Nice to meet you too, Ben. Come in, come in" Finn said rushing them into the flat. 

"Ben needs to look around some, he's redoing his place and he just wants everything to be black." 

"Well give him the tour, I will take this and start mixing." He grabs the bag of champagne and orange juice from Ben. "Poe is almost done with the hash and then we can eat."

"Poe, this is Ben. Ben, Poe" Finn says as they walk towards the kitchen and the men give head nods from a distance. 

Rey is nervous, but excited. She wants Ben to like her friends, more importantly she wants her friends to like Ben. "Isn't this place so cute? Poe has an eye and Finn, well Finn lets Poe have whatever he wants." The walls are painted white over old worn brick. The pops of leather are all a light orange tan shade that add texture. There are plants in nearly every room and matte black hardware is a common theme through the flat.

"I'm more of a modern man myself," Ben says "I don't know what that means but that's what Kaydel told me" Rey laughs at him. 

Brunch goes pretty well, Ben and Poe realize they have a lot in common which is great because Rey and Finn can have side conversation about Ben's amazing Adam's apple. Poe is an airline pilot and Ben also has his pilots license, he and his dad used to do that on Ben's summers off from college. Poe invites Ben to an indoor driving range and they start exchanging phone numbers. They eat and talk, until Poe suggests a game of Cards Against Humanity. The afternoon is full of laughter and of corse Poe wins. 

When they leave Rey is buzzing. It had been a success. "You're friends are great." Ben tells her as he opens the passenger door for her. She climbs in the car and waits for him to walk around and get in before she responds. 

"I'm so glad you think so, I kinda like you and it would be a real shame if they said they didn't approve."

He cocks an eyebrow at her "Is their approval mandatory?" He asks playfully 

"Aren't you lucky you don't have to find out?" Her smile is wide, she is pleased with herself. 

"Where am I going, Rey?" He asks as he pulls out onto the road. She is quiet and thinks a minuet. 

That is a good question, where are they going? Up until now they've been living in this sick day bubble. They both have work in the morning so they should probably both go home since it's already 4 and Rey knows she is running out of clean underwear. The thought of being separate seems sad, they've been with each other constantly for a week and Rey didn't want to be alone.

"Your place" she tells him and he nods, "my car is there and I need to do laundry." 

He didn't like the second half of that sentence "I could come over?" 

"So we are going to drive to your place, pick up my car, drive to my place so I can do laundry, and then drive back to your place in the next 5 hours?" That didn't make sense. Rey's duplex wasn't that far from the city but it was far enough to make this plan sound insane. 

\----

The work week goes by and Rey is out of her mind with work. Jumping back in would usually seem like a dream but her first vacation ever has spoiled her and she is not used to the hours passing so quickly without being as proficient as she normally is. Her mind is distracted with sweet mid day texts from Ben and constant notifications on Pinterest from Finn about wedding planning. She has a bad habit of correlating her self worth to her productivity. This is not her best quality she knows, but she still struggles not to believe it. 

It's cute and she knows it, but it's distracting and she can't stop thinking about his lips now. Her hands hover over the keyboard on her computer and swipe over the keys as the decide what to write. She's having writers block, which she hasn't had since the 5th semester of college. She knows she will see him this weekend but even the thought of waiting an extra few days makes her sad, makes her feel guilty. 

If she can leave the office by 5, she should be able to take the L home. Then before traffic gets too bad she can drive to Bens. Oh, but then she will have to drive to work. Well maybe she could stay with Ben tomorrow night too. But then it's the weekend, Saturday they will probably stay together again, and all day Sunday. Rey thought about this, it was swirling around her brain. She was going to leave her place for 5 days? Basically living with Ben without any of the perks of having her things around, or any say in how things were handled. She shook her head to avoid thinking about this because she needed to work. I'll take an uber, she thought. 

She got there at 8, and felt bad as she saw the takeout containers unopened on the counter. Ben didn't care, he kissed her like his lips may fall of if he didn't and she ended up naked in his bed once again. She thought about bringing up the scramble of having to decide to uber to his place but kept quiet. She had never really had a boyfriend. This wasn't her style, commitment was new. She was no innocent but she had never been tied down and wasn't sure what the protocol was for something so heavy. She took a mental note to ask Finn about it. 

Rey brought over two changes of work clothes but refused to leave them at Bens. This was not shampoo he could use himself if she didn't, these were her personal items and she was not asked to leave them there. She never took them out of her bag until she got to her office and placed them in the back of the deep bottom drawer of her desk. Just incase he would ask her to stay again. 

Over the next few weeks Rey had been keeping her entire wardrobe in her desk. She was having trouble getting the drawer open and when she forced it back, it snapped the heel off of one of her shoes. 

"I need help with Ben." the words out of her mouth made Finn's ears perk up. 

"What's wrong?" He seemed concerned. 

"I am so busy.... with work" she added quickly, she didn't want him to feel bad about her performing best man duties. "and he always wants me to come over and stay but it takes me an hour to get home, and then I pack a bag, and then I spend my months rent taking an uber to his place so I don't have to leave my car there. I've been keeping clothes in my desk, which is fine but then I go 5 days without being home or having any comfort of my things around. It doesn't make sense for him to stay at mine because it's farther for both our offices and did I mention I am living out of my desk?" Finn goes to answer but she starts up again "- and then I know all weekend he's going to want me to stay and it's like I am living there, but we've only been together a month. I just don't know how this stuff works." 

"From personal experience I am not sure I can be much help, because gay relationships move faster usually. I hate stereotypes but that's the truth. I do know however know someone who could give you really good advice about this." Rey looks at him raising her brows in anticipation. "Ben" 

"ugh, " Hard eye roll "I don't know if its too soon, and what if it freaks him out, or if he doesn't want me to keep my things there?" 

"Well it seems like he wants you there an awful lot so I am sure your things around will not additionally bother him. Also I don't know much about hetero relationships but I know that any good relationship requires communication and If you don't talk to him about your concerns nothing will get better." 

"argh" Rey says annoyed at him, but she knows he's right. She's not going to tell him that but she knows he is right. She told Ben she couldn't come over today because of laundry but tomorrow is Friday so she will be packing her overnight bag again to get her to Sunday. Friday. Friday, she will ask him what he thinks. 

\--------- 

"Hi, sweetheart." Lips on hers the moment he opens his door. 

She smiles with his lips still on hers. He got takeout, Italian by the smell of it. They had made it a habit to order from the same 5-6 places so Ben always knew what Rey's go to was. "Hey" her brain is surprised by the words spewing from her mouth "We need to talk.".....what...... Ohhhhhhh so this is what word vomit is. She's always believed it was an excuse that people with no impulse control had make up to excuse their actions. 

This is not that.

This is real word vomit, this is not a subject she wanted to talk about she wanted to not do this with him she is uncomfy. 

Can you eat your own word vomit?

She does that a thing where her eyes don't want to know what his face is doing so she decides the tip of his shoe is the most interesting thing she has ever seen,

Ben looks at her with concussion, and she feels a huge lump stuck in her throat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what I imagine Poe's style as. I hope you guys like it let me know if you want more visual stuff like this. Who doesn't like books with pictures?
> 
> Song of this chapter: "Shut Up Kiss Me" -Angel Olsen


	19. Leave Your Mark, Sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well this one is short but I felt that it needed to be. This moment to them needed to be short like the interaction. Don't hate me but grab the tissues.
> 
> _"I never meant you any harm  
>  But your tears feel warm as they fall on my forearms  
> But close my eyes for a while  
> Force from the world a patient smile" _
> 
> _"Oh, tell me now, where was my fault  
>  In loving you with my whole heart?"_

Ben had not seen this coming, those words falling from Rey’s lips felt like a stab in the stomach. “We need to talk” Eyes wide and unsure what was wrong Ben clenched his fist preparing himself for the worst. This was Rey, he liked her a lot, like a lot. More than he had ever liked any girl. He had not been one in the past for serious relationships and it was strange how natural he felt he and Rey fit together. There was ease when she was around.

He took a step back just out of reach of her physical touch and asked looking straight at the floor “whats wrong?”

“Ben,” the sigh that followed the way she said his name was tearing him up. “I’ve just been so busy. I am here all the time.” He knew this was too good to last. He had started to develop real feelings for Rey, the movie montage feelings, the ones he’d seen in his uncle Ben’s marriage. Real and true feelings. She didn’t want him, she didn’t want to be here with him. His head was spinning and she spoke again. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this, if I can keep going back from the office to your place. I am never at home anymore, and I am swamped with work and Finn’s wedding.”

“So what can we do to fix it?” Ben wasn’t going to let go without a fight and this was not how he saw his evening going. “Rey, we can fix this.” He told her but she remains silent and unmoved. His dread grew faster and deeper. “Rey, Kaydel is coming on Monday. I’ll add the vanity to the closet, we can put in the shoe shelves.”

She leaned into him with a kiss, he thought he could breathe. When he tried to deepen the kiss she pulled back.

“Ben, I think I need to take some time.” His heart dropped to the pit of his gut. _What did I do for her to leave?_ Trauma of being left behind filled him and he began to feel the too familiar spike of rage begin to flood his senses. He clenched his fists, but before he could react she reached up and kissed him again.

Her kiss was hard and deep, and was what he was looking for before she said she needed time. She had dropped her purse and Ben felt his palms open and he slid them up her back. She jumped onto him wrapping her legs around his waist. This felt different from normal this felt more. Unsure what it meant and wrapped up in her physically and emotionally he tried not to think about it too hard.

She kissed him slowly and passionately as he walked them into the bedroom. She removed her lips to take off his shirt. She looked at him once his chest was bare, he could feel her eyes but he couldn’t look into hers. He was scared what that meant, what this would mean. She grabbed his face and he looked up reluctantly into the soul piercing green of her eyes, heavy with tears. His eyes began to pool and she kissed him again. He pulled off her sweater and reached behind her to remove the clasp of her bra. Their lips still connected he could feel the tears falling on their cheeks, unsure who’s eyes they’d fallen from the kiss wouldn’t break.

He moved slow to lie her back and was trying to make this last. She reached and unbuckled his jeans but Ben was not in a hurry to remove them. She undid her slacks and broke the kiss to pull them down, so Ben did the same for himself. Naked they made eye contact again, and Ben began to study Rey. He wanted to remember what she looked like. This was her, he wanted to remember her. He quickly threw his face into her neck to mask his tears as he left kisses on the way to her jaw.

He moved inside her, and she clawed his back. _Break the skin_ , he wished silently, _leave a your mark, sweetheart._ She nestled into his neck and he began to feel the quiet moans of her breathe on his flesh, horripilation covered his skin. He was slow and deliberate with his movements watching her body move beneath his, she’s so beautiful. Thoughts like this trailed through his mind, but he kept them to himself. He refused to expose more of his aching heart to her. He was grateful to have just this, it wouldn’t last but he was grateful.

When she began to moan his name, his tears returned. “Ben, ohh Ben I-“ He knew it was ending and her sweet lips were calling to him, determined to keep the moisture in his eye he held back and concentrated on her.

He came and groaned her name into her ear. His head fell next to hers and he was scared to move from her. This would be it, this would be the last moment he would be happy. They lay silent and Ben could feel her playing with his hair. She pulled the back of his neck to her face and kissed him hard and deep. He know what this was, but he soaked up what he could. Wishing the feeling behind it would make her reconsider, make this more than a goodbye kiss. 

Rey pulled out of the kiss and looked up into his eyes, hers still red with tears she spoke, “Ben?” she whispered, he squeezed his eyes closed his name felt like a weapon. “We can still be friends, I just need time.” He removed himself from her and rolled away. He couldn’t bear to look at her anymore, to have her look at him anymore, the pain was too strong. There was too much in the air, the fleeting pleasure was masking itself with the return of his rage. He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door locking it behind him.

”Ben?” He could hear her call from the bedroom but the red in his eyes was holding too much and he began to quietly sob.

”I can’t, I can’t, I can’t” he whispered through the tears, too low for her to hear. When he had sat there for about ten minuets he heard his front door open and close. With a sharp inhale his tears and sobs became more auditable and he threw his soap dispenser against the wall watching it shatter. "Why? Why? Why? I can't"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SADSVILLE! I am sorry but the fluff had gone on long enough, y'all tbh its about to get a lot more messy. BC I PROMISE JESS MAKES AN APPEARANCE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! Also please listen to the song of the chapter bc Ben is feeling alone and the best song I could find to represent this was: "White Blank Page"- Mumford & Sons  
> "I Gave You All" is also on his breakup playlist lol.
> 
> I really feel like this song is sooo Ben and also is a good look into the developing feelings he's going to be having through the story.


	20. I Love You More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is Rey's perspective after Ben locks himself in the bathroom. Also I think the next few chapters are all going to be POV Rey.
> 
> _"The words came out, they couldn't be erased  
>  Saw the pain in your eyes, and I knew everything had changed  
> I'm a traitor, I'm the cause  
> I'm the breaker of your heart"_
> 
> _"And I know I like to draw at night, it starts to get too real  
>  But the less time that I spend with you, the less you need to heal" _

Rey didn’t mean to say it but when it came out of her mouth she didn’t feel the urge to take it back. She needed time and it wasn’t her intention at first but it felt almost right. 

She had always had her job, and Finn was a priority over her sex life. Ben was her boyfriend, but she was not going to force herself into his apartment. If he wanted me there he would ask me to be there. It was shocking when he offered to have the closet customized for her, but she didn’t want it like this. An ultimatum, give me a closet or I am leaving you. No. 

Her eyes weld up as Ben got up and she heard the door slam. “Ben?” She called out and with no answer she felt the tears streaming from her face. Why was it so hard to give her some time, to let her think? Why would he just walk away? Why was it so easy for him to just close her out? She felt foolish crying on his bed naked and alone.

She stood to pull her clothes back on. She picked up the shirt Ben had been wearing when she arrived. She held it in her hands like he had disintegrated and that was all that was left of him. She hugged it to her chest and inhaled his scent. She would miss him, she would miss this. 

She walked out of his apartment and the cold air bit her. She was frozen on the sidewalk unsure as to what she was going to do. She thought briefly about calling Rose or Finn, but decided the only person she wanted to talk to had locked himself in his bathroom and was clearly not wanting to talk to her. 

She decided to get on the bus. Maybe it would take her home, or maybe she would ride it in a loop. She just had to get away from this feeling, and the distance between her and Ben may help.

Rey rode the bus but got off as soon as she got close to her place. She wanted to be alone, she came inside and put on West Side Story and fell asleep on her couch. This is what she did when she was sad over Ben, but this time it was worse. 

At 3 am to the loop of the Blu-ray screen playing the theme music over and over woke her. As she stumbled into consciousness she sobbed and stared at the start screen.

She went into her room and removed her clothes and bra, she opened her closet and pulled the shirt she’d taken from Ben, that night she’d stood him up. Placing it over her body she noticed it still smelt like him. She’d not washed it yet, she hadn’t wanted to. Rey walked over to her bed, pulled a bottle from her night stand, took 2 sleeping pills and cried until they took over. 

She’d slept until 11 am on Saturday, when she woke covered in Ben’s scent she wanted to fall back into the darkness of sleep. Why had she been like this? She didn’t want space, she wanted Ben. She ran away from him because she was scared he didn’t want her around as much as she wanted to be around. She decided to call Finn, she knew she couldn’t trust anyone as much as she could trust him to be honest with her.

“Hello?”

“Hey Finn” it was immediate the first words she’d spoken out loud since calling Ben’s name and she was already crying. 

“Rey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He was doing that thing that Finn always does. He’s frantic and always puts his head to the worst case senecio. He cares about her so much but he is a ball of anxiety sometimes. 

“I think I messed it up” she squeezed out in gasps of air through her balling. 

“What Rey? What did you mess up?”

She explained the situation to him, the words she didn’t mean to say but didn’t take back. The way Ben reacted and the way he reacted again when she said she wanted to be his friend. She cried hard through the entire story, lucky for her, Finn could understand Rey’s crying voice, he knew her well enough by now. 

“Rey?” He said once she finished. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you still laying in bed with his shirt on?” 

She looked down at herself “yes.”

“And you regret what happened and you want the damn shoe shelf?” He was asking these questions like he knew the answer, because he did. 

“Yes.”

“Get your ass dressed and go tell him that then!” 

“He was mad Finn, he slammed the door and locked it and wouldn’t come out he left me there.”

“You left him first. He was probably hurting, Rey. You messed it up so you have to fix it. He’s allowed to be mad. Men are allowed to have feelings, and they are allowed to hurt.” 

She knew he was right, she’d hurt him and he hurt her back. She just said “What if he doesn’t want to see me?”

“Then you can call me and say you messed it up. You have time now. GO!” 

“Yeah, okay.” Her voice was echoing what she was feeling, hesitance. “I’ll let you know how it goes, I love you.”

“I love you more." 

Rey hung up her phone and slid Ben’s shirt off, she jumped in the shower and washed her body before changing into tights and a skirt with a sweater. She decided to take an uber, she could drive but it would be faster to get to him if she didn’t have to worry about parking. 

She walked in the lobby and noticed Kaydel “Rey!” Kaydel was cheery and Ben was no where to be seen. 

”Hey, is uh Ben upstairs?” She asked. 

“No, he ran out to get lunch for the crew he’s too sweet! He should be back any minuet though. ” 

“Oh great, I guess I’ll wait for him upstairs.” Kaydel was going to talk but Rey pushed past her in a hurry to get to the elevators. 

“I want to talk to you about some design elements before you leave.” She heard Kaydel yell at her before the elevator closed and Rey nodded out of politeness.

When Rey got into Ben’s apartment it had already looked like a shell from what it did the night before, there were people buzzing around packing personal things away to get them out of the construction areas. She walked through to the bed room to see they had already started removing the wall between the shower and closet. As she went back to the living space there were less people. She was hoping to get out of the way.

“Excuse me?” Rey turned her head to see a slim woman in an orange body-con dress standing in front of her. She had flowing black hair, and tan skin. She was beautiful but she was looking at Rey confused. 

“Yeah?” 

“Isn’t there something you could be doing?” She asked and her face gave an annoyed look at Rey. 

“Oh, no I don’t work with Kaydel,” Rey gave an uncomfortable chuckle. This was probably Kaydel’s assistant, she thought. There were so many people here, she’d lost track of who was on her crew. “I’m a friend of Ben’s” She offered a slight smile.

The woman’s face grew a bit softer, “Oh, of corse you’re a friend of Benji’s” She giggled like she was 14. “I didn’t realize he’d made friends in Chicago” she sounded like she was lying, like she was trying to make Rey feel less than. 

“You know Ben from New York then?” Rey would be polite and make casual conversation. 

“Oh, wow how silly” she reached a hand out to Rey “Yes, I’m Jess, Ben’s girlfriend.” She gave a smile that only cut through one side of her face. 

Rey’s face must have gone red because she placed her cool hand there and she felt heat from the pits of hell. She turned and ran, not even trying to hide her panic.

It had taken Ben all of 12 hours to call a booty call from New York. She’d known that Ben didn’t have a girlfriend she’d trusted that much but 12 hours? That was cold. The thought of even seeing her friends last night made her sick, and he was already calling someone into his bed? That hurt worse than asking for time, or trying to be a friend, that hurt worse than being locked out and ignored. 

——— 

Finn opened the door and his eyes went wide. She hadn’t told him she was coming because she couldn’t find the words to talk, and her vision had been too blurred by tears to be able to text. She sobbed into Finn’s arms “I fucked it up” He wrapped himself around her and pulled her into his flat. Poe wasn’t home so Finn took her to the bedroom so she could lay down and they could talk. Although for the first hour all she could do was cry. 

Finn wrapped her up in a blanket and stroked her hair until she had exhausted herself into sleep. When he’d heard his phone ring he steeped out of the bedroom to not wake her up.

“Hey baby, how was your flight?” 

“Fine, I am in Seattle now, I will probably be back tomorrow unless weather delays us. Hey um is Rey okay?”

Finn was confused he hadn’t been on his phone since Rey got here and he knew she hadn’t been on hers. “yeah, her and Ben,” 

Poe interrupted, “Yeah he called me, told me that he’d heard Rey had stopped by and wanted to make sure she was okay. I guess he got a busy line any time he tried to call her number and his messages weren’t getting through.” 

Finn snickered a little, “She must have blocked his number.” 

“Have you seen her? Ben said he wanted to explain but I told him I didn’t want to get in the middle of it. Rey was my friend first.”

“She cried herself to sleep in our bed, don’t tell him that. Just tell him she’s fine, and that she doesn’t want to talk right now but will reach out if she does. Okay?”

“Sounds good to me.” Poe paused a moment “I miss you babe.”

”I miss you too. I should go, I don’t want to leave her too long. I love you.” 

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

Finn ordered the most grease filled cheesiest deepest dish pizza he could find, in hopes of distracting Rey when she woke up. Poe was sweet and had some wine and ice cream post-mated to the flat even though he was half way across the country. 

Finn put on Singing In the Rain, Rey told him what happened and cried again. Finn cried too. They finished the wine, and the ice cream. 

—————— 

After almost two days of nonstop crying Rey drank the largest cup of water she had ever seen. Finn dropped her off oh his way to pick up Poe from work and Rey was in her duplex again. She wanted to throw herself on the couch and cry but since she’d hardly been home in months the place was disheveled and honestly gross. She felt the urge to spring clean, she blasted her ‘girl power’ playlist and got to work. She’d been thorough, the baseboards were scrubbed and the light switches disinfected. When she was finished she had a donation pile, and a soar body. She climbed into bed.

——— 

It had been about three weeks since Rey had left Ben’s apartment when Poe gave her a call. 

“Hi love what’s up?” She answered thinking this must be wedding related. She loved Poe, but they didn’t really talk unless Finn was in the middle of it. 

“Hey Rey, I uh well I was flying back from New York this morning and I grabbed a paper…” He struggled to find the words. “Rey, it’s Ben’s dad he passed last night. I just thought you should know.” 

“oh.” She said briskly “Thanks for letting me know.” She hung up quickly and right away felt the tears falling from her face. She had flash backs of Ben telling her they had been in a fight about Ben not wanting to be more to the company. That Ben was so lucky to have so many opportunities that he was refusing to take advantage of. 

Rey wondered if they made up before he’d passed, if Ben had talked to him. Rey ran into Ackbar’s office and said she’d had a death in the family and would be out a few days. He let her go, they’d figure out paper work when she got back. 

She’d gotten into a cab and went to Ben’s building. Surely he’d be there unless he’d left for New York. She just didn’t want him to be alone. She knew what it was like to be alone after such a loss and she still cared so deeply for Ben. When she got out of the cab and ran into the lobby the doorman stopped her. 

“Ma’am he’s not here, he’s been gone almost two weeks now.” 

Ben was gone, her heart was racing she was still crying for him. Her heart was broken and she’d thought she’d started to put it back together but before the glue dried it had just exploded all over again. The vision around her eyes went blurry and she thought it was from the tears. 

She heard a woman scream as she felt her head hit the ground. Her head hurt now and then she couldn’t see anything. 

“Ma’am can you hear me? Are you okay? Someone call 9-1-1. Ma’am?”

She was tired, so she closed her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bam bam baaammmm! Drama drama and Poe and Finn fluff <3 So Rey's girl power playlist is not something I actually made but my guess is that its a lot of Beyonce and Fifth Harmony. 
> 
> Song of the chapter is  
> "Once" -Maren Morris  
> "TALK ME DOWN" -Troye Sivan


	21. I Don't Know Anyone in The City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****Trigger Warning****  
> Rey has a very mild panic attack
> 
> _"It's not true  
>  Tell me I've been lied to  
> Cryin' isn't like you  
> What the hell did I do?  
> Never been the type to  
> Let someone see right through"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So idk how much more I am going to be writing anytime soon. This is taking more time than I had thought and I feel like I've become stagnant. I don't know if you are even reading anymore so comments are appreciated! I need the motivation.

Rey woke up almost immediately and stood. The doorman kept insisting she sit and wait for the ambulance but she knew if she went to the hospital she wouldn’t make it to New York. She had to be there for Ben, she blamed her spell on the rush of emotion and hurried back outside.

In the cab she called Poe back, “Hey, Poe”

“Rey, you doing okay?” He sounded concerned “You hung up so fast you scared me.”

”I had to find Ben, he’s in New York, Poe do you have a flight you can get me on?”

“Let me see what I can do, I’ll email you.” He sounded urgent but she knows she did too. “Rey?”

“Yeah?”

“unblock his number”

“right.” She said short. She’d done that last week. Hoping he would still be trying to reach her. It was radio silence.

When she got to home she tried to call him, he didn’t answer. She packed her bag with basics and a simple black dress to wear to a funeral. She looked at the back of her head in the mirror but there was no visible damage, no blood. She took some Tylenol and hoped it would be enough.

When she checked her email Poe had moved quick and got her on the redeye.

On the plane she tried to sleep, and she did for about two hours. The plane had wifi and she’d emailed Ben, but he still hadn’t responded. She tried to google information about his father's funeral and his wake and was finding that as much as they were a part of the New York social scene they were private.

Her flight was supposed to return her to Chicago in 4 days but since she’d hope to find Ben and expected he’d want her to stay with him, she only booked a room for the night. She checked in and hooked her computer up to the hotel internet. She looked again for information and at 8 am the Times had posted information about where the funeral was.

Rey felt like she’d been run over by a truck but she got in the shower anyway. The funeral wasn't until tomorrow and she didn't know where she was going to go, but she had to go look. Sitting still was not an option. She had to find Ben, she could feel it. _He wants her to be there_. She couldn’t explain it but the strings on her heart were being tugged and she knew it was Ben...

She kept checking her phone, waiting for a response. Waiting for a call back. She didn’t care if he responded, she had come to New York and she was going to talk to him. _Apologize to him, support him, love him._ That was the first time she had thought that to herself and it had been true. _She loves him_. He deserved to know that.

When she got down to the first floor her heart began pounding wildly. She was nervous, she loved this man and he was in an unspeakable amount of pain. Her eyes stung as she tried not to blink the tears into reality which just made her vision blur. The anxious feeling started in her stomach and radiated to the pounding of her chest. It manifested itself into horrible pain that faded from the back of her head down to her neck.

All of a sudden he legs gave out and she was on the ground again. She landed on her hip this time able to catch the upper half of her body on her hands before impact. She wasn’t feeling faint but at some point, unbeknownst to her, she had started hyperventilating. The woman who checked her in called out her name and turned to the phone. Rey didn’t move, she doesn’t know how long she sat there. She heard the sirens and she heard the questions but she couldn’t speak. She was _frozen_.

A man with a white coat entered her room, he wasn’t as tall as Ben but he was still commanding. He had a strong nose but his chin and mouth were a bit more round. He was flipping through papers on a clipboard he was holding when he walked in. Rey looked at him, wondering if he knew what was wrong with her.

He looked at her and gave a half smile before lowering the clipboard from his direct line of sight. “Mrs. Johnson, I’m Dr. Esparza I’ll be taking care of you while you’re with us today. We got the results from your blood test back,” she didn’t react just kept her gaze on him. “It seems to be _normal,_ I put in a referral for psych to come see you before you’re released I think you may have had a physical reaction to anxiety given your breathing.” She hadn’t told anyone she fell on the marble floor in Ben’s apartment lobby the day before. She hadn’t said anything to anyone, except her name.

”There’s something else, _ma’am._ ” His voice sounded much more serious this time. “I assume it is early based on the low levels of HcG but I am assuming you _don’t_ know.” She cocked her head unsure as to what he was dancing around. “ _You’re pregnant_.”

That metaphorical truck slammed into her again and this time it forced words out of her mouth. “That’s not possible.”

“Are you sexually active?”

“Yes,” she knows it’s dumb that she blushes at that but she does. “I have the depo shot”

“When was your last one?” He seems a lot more calm then expected, but then again she knows it’s not his uterus in question.

Rey thinks back and her mind starts to draw a blank. She hadn’t been with anyone but Ben in the last 12 months at least. Her Depo shot was more of a _‘just in case_ ’ thing. One she, apparently didn’t think about enough. It comes crashing in on her when she remembers the appointment she canceled right after Maz died. Unable to get out of bed, too sad to think about getting a _'just in case'_ shot. She hadn't been thinking about sex, birth control was the last thing on her mind.

“about 8 months ago” she says shamefully

Dr. Esparza nods at her, “yeah that’ll do it. You have to get one every 3 months and then after 6 months you’re pretty fertile.”

Rey knows this, _God she feels like an idiot_. It falls out of her mouth “I hit my head yesterday, I blacked out for a moment and I didn’t tell anyone.”

Dr. Esparza’s eyes go wide at her confession. He walks over and starts examining her eyes again, looking at her skull with urgency. “I’ll rush a CT, is there anything else?” Rey shakes her head no at him  
"I know this is a lot" he looks at her and she wants to roll her eyes. _Please don't mansplain this to me_. Instead he offers, “Do you want to see a chaplain, or I can have the nurses call someone for you, family maybe?”

She offers a fake grin, “No, I am on vacation I don’t know anyone in the city.” He nods and leaves the room. Rey thinks she knows why she admitted her fall, she was worried but not about herself.

——-

They keep her for observation, so she had a lot of time alone to think. She weighs her options, she could terminate but she almost gets giddy at the idea of being a mom. It was not in her plan right now and she wasn't planning for it for quite some time. The thought of her career slowing down made her a little sad, but not as sad as losing the little thing inside her that she had just discovered. She had never been pregnant before, and Rey wasn't a religious person but she believes in the universe. There's a reason this was happening for her and Ben. There was a reason this was happening now. The galaxy was coming together to offer her a shot at something she'd always wanted, _a family_.

She had Maz as an amazing example of what a parent could be. Finn and Poe would spoil the child rotten. Ben, he would be a great dad. He would protect them fiercely. She knew his soft side, the side that carries her to the bathtub when she’s tired. The side that got her 2 different kids of cupcakes when she wanted to cry and watch Dirty Dancing. He’d taken care of her.Ordered her food when she was too tired to think about eating, helped her wash her car in the middle of winter so the salt wouldn't rust her old Toyota. He was gentile when he wanted to be. She needed to talk with him.

That seems like common ground, let him come to her. This had been overwhelming for her, but she'd lost Maz 8 months ago. He just lost his dad, and she still isn't sure if they had made up before he passed. He needed time. She loves him and she would hold her secret until he could handle it. Until he was ready to handle the pressure of fatherhood.

She meets with psych and learns better ways of coping with her overwhelming feelings. She needs to see a therapist and an OB when she gets home she decides. The CT came back fine, she was lucky. She gets back to her hotel with just enough time to change before she heads to the church.

Rey had a bit of a hard time convincing the security at the door that she knew the family, considering she didn’t know anyone but Ben. She waited on the steps of the church knowing he would have to walk by to get in and he would see her, and sweep her into his arms. So she waited for him. She showed up an hour early, the funeral was about to start. Ben wasn’t there. She’d asked the security if she were at the right place, if there had been a mix up, if this was a decoy and she got nothing out of them.

She tried to call Poe to see if he could reach out, but he didn’t answer. He was probably working and she figured it was probably useless anyway.

A black SUV pulled up to the church and his large figure got out, his hair and suit were perfectly black. His skin pale, and the freckles she had memorized seemed even more adorable now. He looked amazing all things considered, he looked like Ben. He was the first to exit when he turned and helped a much shorter woman out of the car. Her hair was braided across the top of her head, peppered with grey. She’d recognized her from her time internet stocking Ben. That was Leia. When Leia exited Ben turned again and placed a hand out, Jess stretched her long exposed leg from the car while her hand was holding onto Ben.

Rey took to cowering behind a pillar of the church. The sight of Jess had sent Rey into a head spin. Were they together? If Ben had not been home in weeks there must be a reason. Maybe he was _happy with her_? Who was Rey to take that from him? This had been _her fault_ , she was asking for space, _she fucked up the birth control_ and now she was going to walk into his fathers funeral and _confess her love for him_?. She was being selfish, and she wouldn’t do this to him.

She waited for him to pass before she ran away. This was not the time or place. She sent him another email, same as the text, just incase he changed his number or blocked hers. She was scared, but she wasn’t going to give up. Even as a _friend_ , she could co parent. That thought killed her, but she wasn't going to let her child be abandoned, Rey could suck it up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the secret is out, I have had this plan all along and I have held back because I know a lot of people get upset when we place Rey in a motherly roll. Let me say Leia is not a motherly character and thats the cannon. Also I don't think wanting children makes Rey a certain type of woman. A lot of women want children or have unplanned pregnancies be perfect for them. You can be a feminist and want children, don't put us in a box. TYSM 
> 
> Song of this chapter is: " i love you" -Billie Eilish


	22. Keeping Things Bottled Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes home and starts dealing with the repercussions of her big news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I am crying in the club. I have been working all day on this because I really was encouraged by your sweet comments. I am so scared of letting some of you down but I am beyond grateful for the sweet words!
> 
> _"Well you're the closest thing, I have, to bring up in a conversation  
>  About love that didn't last, but I could never call you mine  
> Cause I could never call myself yours, and if we were really meant to be  
> Well then we'd justify destiny, it's not that our love died it just never really bloomed  
> No I can't let go" _

Rey decided to stay in New York until her flight had to leave. She wanted to give Ben as much time as possible. She'd be near by if he needed.

She would have called Maz if she could, to share this with someone. She didn't want to call Finn until Ben knew. He should know first. But if her _mom_ , if Maz was alive she could share it with her.

Rey tried to call Ben again the day after the funeral, to see if maybe he'd had some closure. He didn't answer. Rey checked her phone every 2 minuets after that until her plane took off the next day.

Staring at a screen full of texts from Rose and Finn, making sure she was okay. She offered short answers to put their minds ease. She didn't tell anyone about her hospital stay, knowing it would bring up more questions and concerns.

She felt empty, keeping things bottled up. Her mind was full of secrets she couldn't tell anyone and she thought she may snap. The most life altering few days has just happened and she was dealing with all of it on her own. She was always alone, she got a lot of side eye as she sat weeping in her seat on the flight. Hormones, or maybe just the sickness of being left behind again. _Nothing, coming from noting._

\-------

It took about a week into being home for her to see a therapist for the first time. She was nervous but she took advantage of the listening ears to unload everything she had been feeling. Everything she had kept inside she let go of. Doctor Tano was nice enough and she lended her sympathetic ear to her situation. She was understanding and validated Rey's feelings without sounding patronizing.

"What are you planning on, Rey?

"With what?"

"Are you happy to raise the baby alone?"

Rey felt tears begin to form in her eyes, she hadn't told anyone yet so there was no one to confront her with the truth she had been avoiding. She chocked it back, " _That's not going to happen_." she sounded like she was trying to convince even herself.

"You said you haven't spoken to Ben in four weeks. Your options may be limited by the time he returns your call, and what if it is not what he wants? Will this child still be what you want?"

"I'm not leaving my child" Rey bites back at her. Once she says the words she realizes how harsh she came off and her face lowers.

"Rey, I am not here to make judgment on you or tell you what to do. I am here to help you figure out what you want. Your happiness is my priority, and I want you to know that whatever you think is best for you is the right choice.

Rey falls apart at Dr. Tano's words. Stupid hormones. Even if she didn't know this woman, and was paying her a dumb amount of money to listen to her talk about her problems, this was the first time in 4 weeks she felt heard and cared for. She was completely vulnerable with her feelings and her tears and it washed over her like a breathe of fresh air.

When she left the session her heart fell to her chest when she urned her phone back on and saw that she had a text from Ben

_There it was_ , what seemed to be her answer laid out in the cruel words he’d sent her way. Her heart felt hopeless and she cried in her car in the parking garage of Dr. Tano's office. She collected herself long enough to find herself on the road, she didn't remember leaving but there she was. She was unsure where she was going until she pulled up to Finn's building.

Same shit, different day. She was balling her eyes out in the hallway waiting for Finn to answer the door. Poe answered and wrapped his arms around her before either of them could say anything.

He pulled her inside still holding her close, his voice projected through the apartment "Baby, it's Rey, you should get in here." Her grip on him tightened and he wrapped his other arm around her as her sobs kept consistent.

Finn entered to find the two people he loved most in the world wrapped up in some sort of break down. Poe was not as empathetic as Finn but Rey was family and if she was hurt so was he. "What's going on?" Finn seemed beside himself.

Rey released Poe at the sound of her best friends voice and curled into his chest. Her sobbing slowed but she could hear Finns heart speed up as he stroked the back of her head. He bounced over each of her three buns while he shushed her. Remembering her coping techniques she tried to calm herself before she got worked up again.

Poe ushered Finn and Rey's entangled bodies over to the couch. He laid a blanket on Rey's lap and began unlacing her boots.

They sat in silence and let Rey collect herself, not wanting too press until she was ready. She lifted her head from Finn's chest and showed him the text exchange.

She had told him that she hadn't seen Ben in New York before she came back. Finn was so mad at him for ignoring her, but she played it off. _His dad died, and I kinda dumped him_.

As Finn read the messages his face became sad and then furious. He started typing to respond but Poe took Rey's phone from him before he could say anything to worsen the situation.

"Fuck him!" Finn said as Poe began to read, "He's not even in Chicago anymore, and good fucking riddance."

Rey shook her head. She had to tell him, he didn't understand. By the sound of it Ben wasn't going to know for a while and she couldn't keep it to herself any longer. Dr. Tano had opened a door where Rey could talk about the soon to be heartbeat growing inside of her. It made it feel real.

She looked him in the face and his worried gaze studded her swollen red eyes, she grabbed both of his hands and looked down at them. She sat for a moment and looked back up to see his troubled expression, "Finn, you're going to be an uncle."

Finn sat at her confused Poe was behind her so she didn't catch his reaction. When Finn had put the puzzle together his eyes went dark and his face turned red. His eyes narrowed and then he looked at her trying to gage how he was supposed to react. "Rey, I.." he trailed off, his words barely above a whisper.

"I found out in New York, we didn't see each other." _Which was kind of true_. "I couldn't tell him. He still doesn't know." Finn's eyes widened at her composure. "I want this baby no matter what he says, Finn this is my family." Finn began to cry as he looked at his best friend with the strength she had shown in the small sentence she had just uttered.

Poe placed a hand on Rey's shoulder and squeezed it lovingly. "I am so excited for us." it was almost a squeal. "Our soon to be party of 4." This is one of the reasons she was so happy Finn and Poe were together. Poe never made her feel like the odd one out. They all just belonged, and she knew it.

Rey filled both of them in on her hospital trip and everything she'd been doing since. Poe ordered food insisting Rey eat all of her food. She sat there with them until Poe had to go. Finn offered to let her stay but she was exhausted from crying all day and desperately wanted to take a bath and go to bed so she drove home. She was feeling better now that Finn knew, but even after the hurtful message Ben had sent her she still wanted to tell him desperately. She couldn't throw it at him and if he wasn't ready she wasn't going to push. 

She sat in the bath tracing the lines on her hips that her jeans had left letting the water cover her, it was the first time all day that she actually felt warm. She heard her phone buzz across the counter, _shit I forgot to let Finn know I got home okay_. She almost seemed annoyed to get out of the bath before she'd really started it. She decided to ignore it for now. She could get it when she was done. She washed her body and felt her muscles relax into the the water around her. This was peace, and she felt okay for just a moment. Her phone began to ring this time, and she knew if she didn't answer Finn would be pounding on her door in the next half hour. That's what Finn did, he worried about her. 

She pulled herself up slowly and wrapped a towel around her body she grabbed her phone off the counter and nearly jumped when she saw Ben's name on her phone. She took a deep breath in "Hello?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys don't mind me dragging this out a bit more, but I think we are going to hear from Ben again after his sobbing session in the bathroom next. I promise I have answers for you but I don't want to reveal everything just yet.
> 
> Chapter song: "I Can't Let Go" - Landon Pigg


	23. Ben, You Look Like Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's side of the last 4 weeks.
> 
> _"Never got the chance  
>  To say a last goodbye  
> I gotta move on  
> But it hurts to try" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should clear up a lot of the boring details, but I think this chapter is pretty good. Poor Ben though can't get away from drama.

**_ ~4 weeks ago~ _ **

Ben hears the sound of his call box, he stumbles out of the bed he _didn’t_ sleep in and stumbles to the living room to answer the call. The doorman announces his decorator is here and would like to come up. 10 am already.

“Yeah let them up.” He growls into the box and he stumbles his way back to his room. In the bathroom he splashes cold water on his face and as he studies himself in the mirror he can see the obvious puffiness around his eyes and the dark circles that droop to his cheeks.

He pulls himself together when he meets Kaydel at the door she smiles at him, excited for the day ahead. “Hey Mr. Solo, I have the team coming in about an hour but I wanted to go over some last minuet changes before we start demo.”

Ben nods at her and steps to the side of the door welcoming her in.

“Is Rey here? I found a beautiful slab of marble I wanted to see if she would approve it for the dressing table?” Ben shakes his head. He had called Kaydel about a week ago and told her to add the built-ins for Rey. It was supposed to be a gift to her. Kaydel promised to not ask questions about finishes until demo day in order to keep it a surprise as long as possible. In exchange, Ben agreed to pay any rush order fee’s, _a small price to pay_ he thought.

“Rey got tied up with work” he continued to nod as if convincing himself of the lie coming out of his mouth. “She left choices to me, but I think whatever you pick will be fine.”

He could tell this was _not_ the answer Kaydel wanted. She wanted to please Rey, but Ben wasn’t in a hurry to announce that he’d been dumped.

“Is there anything else?” He asks trying to speed up this encounter so he can further pull himself together. She shakes her head at him and he says, “I’m gonna go take a shower before you rip it apart. Make yourself at home.”

Ben wants to cry in the shower, but he doesn’t. He cried enough last night to last a life time. He’s dressed and shaved when he walks back into the living room to see Kaydel’s team has showed up and began to box his belongings. He looks over at the clock and notices the time. “Kaydel.” He draws her attention and she taps one of her workers on the shoulder confirming she will return shortly.

“Yes, Mr.Solo”

“Ben” he insists

“Ben?” She agrees

“I would like to go get some food for you all, it’s nearly lunch time. Is there anything you’d like or should we go buffet style?”

“That’s not necessary Mr. S- Ben. My crew can take their lunch when we are finished.

“I insist.” He said this firm and it surprised her and she wasn’t going to argue. “Buffet style then?”

“That would be wonderful, thank you.”

“Great, I’ll be back soon.”

He just wanted to clear his head, to be in a crowd of people he didn’t know, who didn’t know him. He took his time walking from his apartment to his car, looking for a spot to order from on his phone. He had tried to text Rey, but couldn’t bring himself to push send.

 _I deserve better than to be someones after thought,_ he kept telling himself this but he didn’t believe it. When he got into his car he looked over at the passengers seat. Empty. _She should be here, but she’s not_. He shook the thought from his mind and pulled out of the parking garage a little too fast.

He’d been gone an hour, and apparently it was enough time for shit to hit the fan. He walked in holding mountains of food in deep disposable casserole treys. He had put the paper plates on top and when he walked in the door of his apartment he almost dropped it all on the floor.

Why was _Jess_ in Chicago, in his fucking living room? The last time Leia was in town she hadn’t come with her and Leia sure as hell hadn’t mentioned this visit either. “Jess, what are you doing here?” The angry words spit from his lips. He was not going to attempt pleasantries with her.

“Hey Benji!” She said with a giggle clearly ignoring his unhappy tone.

He looked at her puzzled, and completely annoyed by her presents. “Why are you here?”

”Your mom had a meeting with the Chicago group last minuet. I didn’t have plans so she said I should come and acquaint myself with the people at the Chicago office. Her plane leaves in like an hour to go back to New York. I wanted to come see you so I decided to fly back commercial, isn’t that the sweetest thing you ever heard?”

Leia had her own jet, she was all over the place all the time with her companies and her assistant, _Jess_ was tied to her hip.

“Typical Jess making sure she’s aquatinted with everyone.” The sarcasm was full on, he wasn’t trying to be funny though. Her cheery demeanor soon turned glum.

“You never seemed to have a problem with my company before?” He hissed back at him.

“Yeah,” he said matter of factly “that was _before_ you and my father tried to have me fired.”

“Really Ben? Skip the mellow drama it’s not a good look even for you.” His fists clenched at the tone she had in her voice. She was always one to bite back regardless of the backlash, she wasn’t a meek creature.

“Jess, I told you I don’t know how many times that _whatever we were_ was over before I left New York. You made it very clear you didn’t approve of my move and _honestly_ that was a bonus. So again I’ll ask, what the fuck are you doing here?” His words came off unkind and he didn’t care. She had hurt him, and Rey had hurt him.

“Ben we were trying to push you into a promotion, not get you fired, you have no ambition! Happy just to sit by and let your career take you nowhere. That’s why Han agreed getting you in the London office would be best. They were still establishing leadership and you could’ve been on the ground floor of the international group. You could have had some real influence in this company!"

“He was trying to send me away!" _He didn’t want me around,_ he thought. "Don’t you dare act like you were doing it for my benefit! You were looking for a goddamn meal ticket and you thought I’d be idiotic enough to _commit_ to you.” He paused as to not say something too harsh he didn’t really mean. “It was never going to be like that with us, Jess.” His words sounded softer, like he could remember the pain it had caused him to walk away from the little feeling he did have for her. “We were too different, we didn’t work like that.”

Her face was stoic, she wasn’t going to show the weakness even though he could tell it was there. She knew he was right, she hadn’t wanted to let go. “Ben, I was trying to help. So was Han, you have to know we did what we did because we wanted what was best for you.”

Ben’s anger began to flood him again. “I don’t know why people keep saying they know what’s best for me? That I can’t make my own choices. What the hell is the deal with people being so obsessed with work? There is more to life than a fucking job.” This anger wasn’t pointed only at Jess and she could tell.

“I’m gonna go Ben, I can tell I am not wanted and honestly I don’t need this bullshit. Maybe I can catch Leia.” Jess was annoyed but Ben didn’t try to make nice. He’d been wanting her gone from his life. Maybe this time it would stick. “Hey Ben?” He looked up at her just as she was about to walk out the door and their gaze met “You look like shit, get some fucking sleep.”

Once she was gone the air felt lighter, not weightless but lighter.

He turned to see the wondering eyes of the design team looking at him. They had heard the yelling, Ben wasn’t trying to hide it. He didn’t care. He walked back to the kitchen and gestured at the silver containers stacked on his counter. “I got you all some food, help yourself. There’s drinks in the fridge.” The sincerity left his voice half way through the offering. 

He stepped into the hallway outside his apartment trying to have a moment to himself but the elevator dinged and Kaydel was looking at him with a smile. “Ben, have you seen Rey? I saw her come in but I haven’t been able to locate her since?” Ben’s eyes went wide as he looked at her.

“Rey was here? You saw her today? Here? You’re sure?” His question surprised her.

“Yes, she was looking for you just after you went to grab lunch, I told her you’d be back soon and that I wanted to speak with her. She said she’d wait up here for you and when I brought up my design book she was gone. Do you know when we should expect her back?”

Ben couldn’t move to his phone fast enough, _she hadn’t called him?_ He dialed her number but the ding instead of the trill indicated the line was busy.

He texted her but they wouldn’t confirm delivery. He was frantic. Was she okay? Why on earth would she have come here? He grabbed his keys again before Kaydel could ask where he was going and he was out the door.

He knocked on her front door frantically, an effort he should have abandoned when he pulled up noticing her car was not parked in the patch of gravel next to her duplex.

He thought about going to bang on Finns door, but they’d only been there once. He knew the building but couldn’t remember the apartment number 2186? 2187? It was a blur. Then he remembered he had Poe’s number.

\------

“Hey Ben what’s up?”

“Poe, have you heard from Rey? I try to call but her line is busy and my messages are sending. We got into it last night and she showed up at my building when I wasn’t there and now I can’t get ahold of her and I’m just worried.”

“I’m in Seattle for work, I'll call Finn and see if he’s seen her. I can text you an update in a bit?" Poe paused as he though about Ben mentioning a fight "Ben, you gotta know Rey is my family I have to respect her privacy” That’s not what Ben wants but he will take it.

“Yeah I understand, anything will be appreciated man. Thank you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I appreciate you all so much. I don't have any Star Wars friends, and this is my first time writing a fan fiction but you guys make me feel so accepted. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Song of the chapter: "Dancing With Your Ghost"- Sasha Sloan


	24. What's Wrong, Peanut?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Rey's POV again and this is answering the phone call from Ben.
> 
> _"I let myself want you  
>  I let myself hope  
> I let myself feel things I know that you don't  
> You're not mine anymore  
> But I'm still a little bit yours" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an idea of how to structure all of this and I hope it comes together and is not concussing but this is back to ~present~ times.

"Hello?"

"Fuck, hey Rey." He slurred his words.

"What do you want Ben?" being drunk didn't give him an excuse for being an ass and calling her a fucking orphan.

"Rey, I am so sorry about that text. That was fucked up even for me." He seemed genuinely sorry but it was hard to take his apology seriously when his words were so fumbled from drinking.

"Ben, you're drunk." She was annoyed with him and it was clear in her tone. "Look if you sober up and want to talk that's fine but I don't think we should be having serious conversations when you're minds all messy."

"No, Rey wait. You said we could be friends right? I really need a friend right now."

Ouch.

She wanted to be his friend. She wanted to be _more_ than his friend, she was carrying his child for Christ sake, but he was hurting. The tone of his voice, the pleading for a friend, she knew he was hurting, and _that_ is what stung.

"Ben, I am always going to be here for you." she kept it short and sincere.

"Rey, I - I feel like I'm being torn apart," his breath catches and it makes her heart ache. "will you help me?"

"Ben, what are you talking about?" She is trying to keep her composure for him, but she can't help the gasp or the sense of urgency that rings from her voice. _Stupid fucking hormones._

Ben goes quiet, she hears his breath rattling unsure if he should speak or not.

"This was a mistake."

Before Rey could protest he ended the call. She tried to call him back all night but he wasn't answering.

\------

Rey doesn't hear back from Ben for 4 days, and it's driving her mad.

She thinks about texting him again but she resorts to reading back his last message any time she's tempted. _He needs time, he deserves time, she owes him time_.

She keeps telling herself these things but get angry when she thinks about how little time he took inviting Jess over. If she was going to be his friend she was going to have to get used to him having other women in his bed, no matter how desperately hopeless that made her feel

Sitting at her desk is proving to be pointless because she is supposed to be working on an article about a pipe busting at an apartment complex leaving 76 residence displaced. But instead of that she is framing different messages to text Ben.

She's not been getting her usual amount of work done. Ackbar didn't pry but when she had left for 'a death in the family' he told Rey she should take it easy a while. Hence the busted pipe story.

 _Maybe if I just send the text I can stop thinking about it and actually work_.

This logic is enough for her, but she is quickly let down at the amount of relief it brings because now she's imagining all the different ways he may respond. He didn't leave her waiting though because before her screen goes dark he begins typing back.

She sits waiting again, was that _too_ personal?

_God I am an idiot! Why isn't he responding?_

Her blood runs cold.

_He's not coming home? How are they supposed to be together if he's not home? How can they be parents to a child if they are half a country away?_ Tears start to well up, and she makes a run to the bathroom to let them out. _FUCKING HORMONES._

She didn't say anything else taking some time to calm her emotions, get herself in check. When her phone starts vibrating and this time he's calling her. She relocated to an empty conference room that wasn't booked for the rest of the day, knowing she didn't want Ben to hear the echo of the bathroom she'd been crying in.

"Hey what's going on?" She says as she answers the phone, she is trying hard to hide the emotion in her voice.

"Hey, Rey." she can hear him smile and her heart started to flutter at the sound of her name on his lips. They talked a few days ago but his voice and mind had been drunk, _this was Ben_.

"Are you _really_ leaving Chicago, Ben?" she didn't want to believe that any of this was real. _She wanted to see him, hold him, kiss him_. She didn't want him gone.

"I think so, I don't think there's much left for me in Chicago" _ouch._

", and my mom," he interrupts himself, "well after my father- "

Now Rey interrupts. "Ben, I was so sorry to hear about your dad, I just wasn't sure what I could do if you would have wanted me there. I didn't want to cause you anymore- "

"Thanks, Rey" he stops her. "My mom thinks it would be good for me to start back at New York, or maybe the London office."

Her heart stops again. _He can't go to fucking London. This baby was not going to get on a plane to London every other weekend. Don't go. Come back. I'm here in Chicago. I want to be with you. I'm having your baby. I love you._

"oh.." is all that comes out. She knows she is going to cry so she decides to cut the call off. "well I guess I will stop pestering you about lunch and uh maybe we could FaceTime or something instead. I have to go I am swamped at work so I guess I'll talk to you later, Ben."

"Yeah later, Rey."

She's crying again, and she's scared she might over work herself again. Realizing she is no longer in the ladies room she dials Finn. "Conference room 8, now." she cries into the phone. Moments later Finn burst through the door reaching for her.

"What's wrong, peanut?"

"He's not coming back." she sobs out. "He's moving."

Finn holds her close and she cries into his shoulder for what feels like forever.

He holds her and cries a little himself, _poor peanut,_ "do you wanna go get some donuts?" he suggests, knowing that offering a pregnant lady sweets is always a good, _at least in the movies_.

She nods and he takes her hand as they walk to the elevator. She won't let go of his hand and he squeezes three times, as if to say "I love you"

\------

They have been having flirty conversations like this for the last 2 weeks but this is the first time he's brought up her FaceTime idea.

This was the first time she will have seen him since the funeral, where he didn't see her. She didn't tell him she was there. She wasn't going to.

She didn't want to be his obligation. If they were friends because of friendship that was one thing. She wasn't going to guilt Ben into being with her simply because she was pregnant with his baby.

Although, admittedly there was nothing simple about that.

Rey was **not** ordering food. The idea of eating grossed her out. She had morning sickness from hell, and it wasn't lasting just the morning anymore it was all damn day. She needed the hour to get herself in a state presentable to see Ben. Feeling like shit in the morning is an easy way to talk yourself out of putting any work into your appearance and thats what she had been doing. Wearing clothes just slightly less comfortable than sweats.

" _Wow_ " Was the first word out of his mouth when she answered. He said it simple and almost quiet but she knew there was so much more behind that 3 letter word, and she'd be damned if she didn't make him elaborate.

"What?" she said waiting for his response and tucking her hair behind her ear.

"It's really good to see you, Rey"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SAD REY IS A MOOD I feel so bad for her. She is clearly trying to do the right thing but the beginning of a pregnancy is so hard regardless of the situation so she must be going through it. Also anyone else write FF and get annoyed at their own characters bc Ben is pissing me off. 
> 
> Song of this chapter: "A Little Bit Yours" -JP Saxe Honestly listen to this one. It will also make you mad at Ben. Gets me in the feels.


	25. A Shell of Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Ben's POV from his fathers funeral and conversations with Rey. So a **Trigger Warning** we are dealing with parental sickness leading to death and the grief that goes along with that.
> 
> _"You taught me the courage of stars, before you left  
>  How light carries on endlessly, even after death  
> With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite  
> How rare and beautiful it is, to even exist" _

~ 6 **weeks ago** ~

After hearing back from Poe, Ben realized how incredibly tired he was. He had stayed up all night thinking about how he had just had the most incredible person he'd ever known, had walked out on him. When the adrenaline of searching for her started to crash he realized he needed to sleep. His home was a construction site and probably would be for the next few weeks so he packed a bag. He was going to ask Rey if he could stay with her, but now he found himself in a hotel lobby.

\----

Early morning light struck his face and he was not expecting it to burn so bad. The realization that yesterday was the first day he hadn't seen her in almost 3 weeks. He felt like a part of him was missing. He was angry she left him, he'd told her about the separate business trips his parents were always on growing up. He was always left alone, and it got worse when he turned 13, because they stopped hiring the nanny so it really was just him.

He really should be mad at her, be fuming with how she walked away, but he was mostly sad. He couldn't figure out why she had showed up and then refused to talk to him. _Why she left?_ He just felt lost.

Leia had called him, and he had assumed it had been about how he and Jess had their falling out. He didn't realize anything was wrong until Ematt called him and told him that there was an emergency with his family. Going through his assistant wasn't like Leia and it scared him. He tried to call Rey again, but she had blocked his number.

_Why was she mad? She left me._

"What's wrong mom?" Leia answered his call only seconds after he began the call. She had been waiting.

"Ben, it's Han. He caught what he thought was a cold, he's not getting better, Ben you might want to come home. Her voice was strong and soft. She had a way of doing that. It was one of her special powers."

"okay." it was simple in his mind. Pick up and go, you could deal with the emotion later.

_You need to get there._

Ben thought a lot about his and his fathers relationship on the flight over. If Jess were right and they were simply wanting Ben to progress professionally then they just didn't care what Ben wanted for himself. No matter how much love was behind that action, Ben knew what was right for him.

Han was like that, _pushy_. He was almost disappointed that Ben had been born into privilege and wasn't on fire for making money the way Han was. It came across as jealousy most of the time and between competing egos it fractured their relationship. Ben had just wanted to be happy, Han wanted to be rich.

The childhood abandonment was a whole other story. Han was always off trying to sell the next million dollar idea to God knows who and Ben was alone because of it. He had to grow up a lot faster than he cared to. That was Dad, he should have been there. When Ben was 16 Leia had come to her senses and saw the amount of strain her being gone had put on Ben. Han didn't want to come around, that's why Leia divorced him. For two weeks one summer Han came around and taught Ben to fly airplanes, when he left Ben stuck with it. Hoping maybe he'd impress his dad when he came back.

\---------

His dad was coherent but not really responsive. He had trouble talking without coughing through a sentence. He was already a shell of himself and It was hard to watch. Ben was finding it hard to be mad at the crumbling remains of a man in front of him.

He had met with his old therapist in New York, that helped him accept Hans fate but he still thought of Rey but decided to block her number if he was going to focus on healing one part of his life at a time. It felt like everyday for almost a week he was waiting for someone to tell him his dad was dead.

When he woke at 3 a.m to the feel of his mom sitting on the edge of the bed he knew he was gone. Ben felt guilty for the relief he felt. They could start to heal, and more importantly his dad wasn't in pain anymore. It helped having his mom there. She was closer to Han than Ben ever was, knew him better. The only thing Ben had over her was the blood that ran through his veins. That came from Han, and was a bond he'd never get back. He was in a daze for about a week after his dads funeral. Letting himself feel everything he'd blocked off for so long

He couldn't help but think of Rey, He'd seen her emails and thought briefly about responding but couldn't stand the idea of something else hurting again. If there was no communication between them than it was still in limbo. There would still be that hope that she wanted to be _around him, to care for him, to love him_ . He thought it steamed from pity, but he ignored that as best he could.

Leia liked scotch and one night Ben and Leia had one too many. Leia had excused herself to her room and Ben sat in darkness nursing the glass in his hand. He thought about Rey, _he wasn't going to talk to her_ he just wanted to see if he was still blocked.

When the message was delivered it knocked the wind out of him. He was optimistic but terrified. If she had unblocked him to say, sorry your dads dead but don't talk to me again, then he wanted to get it over with quick. Like a band-aid. She kept insisting she wanted to be his friend which just drove the screw further through his heart. She didn't love me. In pain he reacted, called her an orphan.

He went through stages of emotion after she didn't respond. Good serves her right, I was an ass, and I hurt her. He landed on feeling like shit. He called her, knowing it was the most personal apology he could offer accompanied with liquid courage it seemed like a good idea at the time.

\-----

"Rey, I - I feel like I'm being torn apart," his breath caught "will you help me?"

"Ben, what are you talking about?" she gasped urgently.

Ben went quiet, his breath rattling unsure if he should speak or not. _I love you, I miss you, please love me_.

He was drunk but not that far gone. Instead he says with a shaking voice, "This was a mistake."

\-------

"Maybe I could come back to the New York office." he said it so nonchalantly to Leia at breakfast one morning. Her eyes widened at his statement.

"Why?" it was like she was trying not to spit at him for suggesting it.

"Well Chicago is just a city, and I don't know. Dad wanted me in New York, or maybe London? Plus I could see you more." That was a lie they both knew was true as it came out of his mouth. Leia was busy and constantly traveling so honestly that was the last reason to live somewhere.

"You're dad is not here anymore, Ben. You need to do what you want to do. Plus I thought you liked being in Chicago?"

"Thank you for the reminder mother, I know Han is dead." He was angry, more at himself than at her. Like he hadn't been able to please his father when he was still alive. "There's nothing in Chicago." those words hurt him to say because he didn't mean them.

"I'd maybe reconsider if I were you, Son. Theres nothing in London or New York for you that's not in Chicago." She said it like she knew something he didn't. 

He was annoyed but he kept his mouth shut. He knew at the end of the day she would let him go where he decided he wanted to be. There was no point in arguing with her. He was going to do what he wanted.

His conversation with Rey went as well as he had expected. They weren't getting back together, and he felt it was time to accept it.

"Hey what's going on?" She says as she answers the phone.

The corners of his mouth beam up. This is Rey, _his Rey._ It had been too long since he'd heard her sweet voice. "Hey, Rey." They talked a few days ago but his voice and mind had been drunk.

"Are you really leaving Chicago, Ben?" The sound of her saying his name made his knees shake.

"I think so, I don't think there's much left for me in Chicago" _except you and you don't want me anymore_. ", and my mom," he interrupts himself, "well after my father- " _how many times can I lie?_

Now Rey interrupts. "Ben, I was so sorry to hear about your dad, I just wasn't sure what I could do if you would have wanted me there. I didn't want to cause you anymore- " _I don't want your pity._

"Thanks, Rey" he stops her. "My mom thinks it would be good for me to start back at New York, or maybe the London office." _Another couple of lies, but that could be convincing right?_

"oh.." is all that comes out. She cuts the call short. "well I guess I will stop pestering you about lunch and uh maybe we could FaceTime or something instead. I have to go I am swamped at work so I guess I'll talk to you later, Ben."

"Yeah later, Rey." His hands shake as he hangs up, and he is only reminded of how much he couldn't stay in Chicago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben is a dumb butt, Song is : "Saturn" -Sleeping At Last
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts :) Your comments make my day!


	26. Running Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the FaceTime but I did it from each perspective. It's repetative but I think it's kinda cool? idk let me know if you hate it. k thx byeee
> 
> _"Half of the time we're gone  
>  But we don't know where,  
> And we don't know where" _

"It's good to see you too, Ben." She was trying to desperately hide the amount of _good_ she thought it was because it was more than good. He was more beautiful than she had remembered as if that were even possible. He wasn't dressed up or blow dried his hair any different type of way, but he was just beautiful. "How's it going?" she didn't know if he could tell that this was her desperate attempt at being casual.

"It's going okay, Rey. I uh I'm getting better." She could see it in his eyes. The color of Ben's eyes were a great indicator of how he was feeling and they were brighter then they were the night she left. "What's new with you?"

 _I'm pregnant you're the dad. Nope, can't say that._ "Well the groom's shower is next weekend at the Chandrila banquet hall. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Finn invited some of his friends from the Army and Poe invited everyone that works at the airport. We've been doing a lot of wedding planning. I think Finn is just so excited he wants to make sure it's perfect, but Poe is just excited to marry Finn so they're moving plans into place pretty quick."

"That's next weekend?" This question catches Rey off guard because as far as she knew, he hadn't been invited.

"Yeah? Did Poe invite you?"

"No, but I'd like to send them a gift if you could tell me where they are registered."

"No, Ben that's not why I brought it up I just was telling you what is going on with me."

"Okay but that's what is going on with Finn and Poe, you didn't say what was going on with you."

She wanted to tell him desperately about the baby, but not over the phone. That's not news you give on FaceTime or text. "Not much, I have been taking it easy at work since-" she pauses because she was about to say _since New York._ Her hopes of him not catching that soon fade when he interrupts her attempt to cover for herself.

"Since what?"

"I just have been getting over a stomach bug. Not feeling well, it's no big deal."

She sees Ben's face scrunch up and relax suddenly "Make sure you stay hydrated, okay?" He sounded like he wanted to say more but left it with that.

With a lul in the conversation she had brought up the question she's been dying to ask him, "What's going on with your move?" She took a deep breathe trying not to let emotion take over again.

"Oh yeah, well Ematt is coming back to New York, soon I hope. My mom is dragging her feet with my transfer. She's convinced I want to stay in Chicago."

_What? I thought his mom wanted him there?_

"Why would she think that? I thought she wanted you in New York?" His face changes at her words and she knows what he looks like when he's trying to cover a reaction. He's so bad at it.

"She said there's nothing in New York that's not in Chicago, and she said she had noticed I came back different then I had left." He says this while he shrugs as if to say, _I don't know what she's talking about same old me._

"So she wants you to stay in Chicago, or she wants you in New York? Ben, you told me she wanted you in New York, why would she think you wanted to be in Chicago." Rey's tone was sounding more angry than she had intended but she was kind of pissed. He had said that there was nothing left for him here, which was not true, and hw said his mom wanted him home. That was also proving to be untrue, and _she was carrying his child for Christ sake._

"I don't know Rey, I don't know what you want me to say." He sounded deflated but Rey was too worked up to offer her sympathy.

Perhaps it was vain and purely conceded but in her defense Rey hadn't thought it out before she said it, she just reacted. "Ben, are you trying to get away from me?"

She'd regretted it the moment she'd said it, she was scared of the answer.

Which made Ben's reaction even worse. He apparently was also not expecting that question either so his eyes went wide and his gaze dropped. That was all the answer she had needed.

"That's fantastic, Ben. You ran away from your dad to Chicago and now you're running away from me in New York." That was harsh but no more harsh then him rubbing it in her face that he wasn't an orphan. "That's fine you don't owe me shit I guess." _Stupid fucking hormones._ She was crying by the time she'd finished saying 'fantastic'.

Her words were harsh but she wasn't sorry for him. She'd called him out on his bullshit. That was very typical Rey, and he had no idea what she was going through. Her tears became heavier and faster and she gave in to lift her palm to wipe them off her face. Ben looked at her with hurt on his face. "You know Ben I have to go I have stuff I gotta do. It was nice talking with you. Have a nice night." She hung up before he had a chance to respond.

She blocked his number again moments after hanging up. It was decided she was going to be a single mom, she'd be damned if she was going to raise the child around someone who was just going to run away the way her parents had. She loved Ben, but the love she felt for her child burned so much brighter. She ignored the part of her heart that loved that child specifically because it was Ben's because as far as she was concerned he was gone.

* * *

* * *

"It's good to see you too, Ben." His heart jumped at the way her lips curled into a smile "How's it going?"

"It's going okay, Rey. I uh I'm getting better." Therapy was helping, her texting him everyday was helping. "What's new with you?"

"Well the groom's shower is next weekend at the Chandrila banquet hall. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Finn invited some of his friends from the Army and Poe invited everyone that works at the airport. We've been doing a lot of wedding planning. I think Finn is just so excited he wants to make sure it's perfect, but Poe is just excited to marry Finn so they're moving plans into place pretty quick."

"That's next weekend?" He'd been planning to come back up his apartment next weekend. He hoped maybe he would be able to see her again. Say a proper goodbye. Perhaps that was for the best though. If he saw her again it might be too much for his heart to leave her. 

"Yeah? Did Poe invite you?"

"No, but I'd like to send them a gift if you could tell me where they are registered."

"No, Ben that's not why I brought it up I just was telling you what is going on with me."

"Okay but that's what is going on with Finn and Poe, you didn't say what was going on with you." He'd missed catching up with her at the end of her work day. Listening to her burst with the ideas she'd had about the article she was writing. How funny Finn had been about where they ordered their lunch, or how Hux the creepy mail guy had lingered around her desk a little too long. 

"Not much, I have been taking it easy at work since-" she pauses because she was about to say _since New York._ Her hopes of him not catching that soon fade when he interrupts her attempt to cover for herself.

"Since what?" _What happened?!_

"I just have been getting over a stomach bug. Not feeling well, it's no big deal."

Is she eating okay? Was it bad sushi? Did she see a doctor, get IV fluids? _He wanted to scoop her up through the phone and rub her shoulders in his bathtub again. Like he did with his Rey, but this he remembered is not his, Rey_."Make sure you stay hydrated, okay?" that would have to suffice.

With a lul in the conversation and Rey jumped at the chance to ask "What's going on with your move?" She took a deep breathe trying not to let emotion take over again.

 _My mommy isn't taking me seriously so I am coming to Chicago to pack up my apartment so that when I show back up to New York with all my shit she will give me the job I've been asking her for._ _But you have plans for when I will be there so I don't want you to know I'll be in town_ "Oh yeah, well Ematt is coming back to New York, soon I hope. My mom is dragging her feet with my transfer. She's convinced I want to stay in Chicago."

"Why would she think that? I thought she wanted you in New York?" _oh shit, that was not what I told her huh?_ He'd been so focused on lying about being in town that he forgot the original lie he'd told her. _Dumb ass._

"She said there's nothing in New York that's not in Chicago, and she said she had noticed I came back different then I had left." He said trying to sound nonchalant about the whole thing. He knew he'd stuck his foot in his mouth. 

"So she wants you to stay in Chicago, or she wants you in New York? Ben, you told me she wanted you in New York, why would she think you wanted to be in Chicago." Rey sounded pissed. 

"I don't know Rey, I don't know what you want me to say." He sounded deflated, he really didn't know what the right answer was anymore.

"Ben, are you trying to get away from me?"

Not expecting that question his eyes went wide and his gaze dropped. Duh, he loved her and he couldn't have her. That didn't make the pain go away. He couldn't speak. That was all the answer she had needed.

"That's fantastic, Ben. You ran away from your dad to Chicago and now you're running away from me in New York. That's fine you don't owe me shit I guess." She was crying by the time she'd finished saying 'fantastic'. Her tears became heavier and faster and she lifted her palm to wipe them off her face. "You know Ben I have to go I have stuff I gotta do. It was nice talking with you. Have a nice night." 

Ben could feel the tears well up in his eyes at the sight of her pain. He wanted to tell her desperately that he loved her, and maybe he would have but she hung up before he could. When he'd found enough composure to call her back he'd been blocked, the tears came back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really excited that this story will be concluding soon. I know I am probably not the only one to start a FF and not want it to end but I have a million ideas I want to put into FF, so I think I may write more. If you like this I hope you'll read some of my future stories.
> 
> Chapter song "The Only Living Boy in New York"- Simon & Garfunkel


	27. Bite me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well Ben has been working on his communication skills.
> 
> _"Haven't had a dream in a long time  
>  See, the life I've had  
> Can make a good man bad  
> So for once in my life  
> Let me get what I want" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I am not trying to make you all mad. If it makes you feel better there is going to be some CUTE AF Finn x Poe Fluff next chapter :)
> 
> Also idk if I need a trigger warning but Rey is depressed in the begging of this chapter for obvious reasons. So skip to the 2nd paragraph thing if you don't want to see the description of her feelings.

Rey felt like she could watch the snow melt all weekend. She had no interest in going anywhere or seeing anyone, or working.

She sat in her armchair that faced the bay window and watched the sun move from one side of the sky to the other. Her stomach aced with emptiness and the acid burn clung to the back of her throat from her morning sickness. Alone, she felt hopelessly alone. 

Finn had called and she answered knowing there would be repercussions if she hadn't. She hadn't told him about the conversations she'd been having with Ben so the FaceTime call didn't even come up. As far as he knew his orphan text was the last of their correspondence.

He wanted to know if she could come over for dinner and a movie. She lied and said she had work. She felt a little guilty because the party was next weekend which meant Poe was working this weekend. Finn perhaps just didn't want to be alone, unfortunately for him Rey did.

* * *

* * *

Ben could have punched a wall, Lord knows he wanted to. He wouldn't, he knew it would be childish and it wouldn't make him feel any better. He really had been trying with the work he and his therapist had been doing. He knew his anger needed to be channeled in a healthy way, he also he needed to work on his communication skills.

Rey hadn't answered his question about the Dameron's registry. He made a guess and thought back to where he'd been introduced Rose, knowing they were all friends. He was willing to bet that Finn and Poe were registered at Macy's.

Sure enough one call and he got their registry list. He'd bought them a cashmere comforter, a coffee machine, and a new Waterford crystal decanter set. He wasn't invited to the wedding or the shower so he'd ask the store to send it over right away. There were no strings attached to the gifts. That was Rey's family and he loved them simply because they loved her. 

\-----

He was surprised when Poe called him 3 days later, honestly thinking this was the last thing that would come of him sending the gifts. He had made it clear to Ben that he and Finn were team Rey. She wasn't talking to him so he figured Poe wouldn't either. Maybe he wanted to send the gifts back? _Ben wouldn't let him._

"Hello?" Ben's voice was low and neutral.

"Hey, Ben." Poe sounded a little uncomfortable, almost as if his mom had made him call. 

"Everything okay man?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to thank you for the wedding gifts man, that was really kind of you."

"Oh, yeah I'd heard the shower was coming up but I just wanted to be sure that I was able to offer a small congratulations." 

"It's more than generous, Ben. Really thank you." He paused for a moment but Ben was quiet knowing Poe was in the middle of a thought. "Hey about your dad, I am sorry I didn't reach out, I just-" 

Ben cut him off, "Don't even worry about it, Poe but I appreciate it."

"Yeah I guess we just figured Rey would have given you her best from us but I guess you didn't get a chance to see her when she was in New York." Ben heard a slap through the phone "ouch! What?" that wasn't directed at Ben. "Oh shit!" neither was that.

"When was she in New York, Poe?" He was asking but he knew that Poe had given away more than he should have. 

"Ben, I- I should"

"No, Poe tell me please. When was Rey here?" He sounded anxious. 

He hesitated and let out a loud groan, then he said in a soft almost whisper "She left the morning it was in the paper, came back after about 4 days I think. Look Ben I shouldn't be the one you should talk to about this. You really need to talk to Rey."

"She blocked my number again, if you could ask her to unblock me, or just call me?"

"Ben, Rey isn't going to do anything she doesn't want to do. That's just Rey." _He knew that_ "I think maybe just wait until she's ready, I can't tell you much more, but I can tell you I don't think she's done with you yet. Ben heard another slap "ouch! keep hitting me I am calling off the wedding!" Poe directed back to Ben, "I should go I gotta ice my chest"

"Bye"

"Later"

_She had come to be there with Ben, for his dad's funeral and he hadn't seen her? Why are they so bad communicating?!_

Ben decided to write her an email. She was always on her damn computer anyway checking for work updates so he knew even if he wouldn't get confirmation of her reading it she would see it. 

**To:** JohnsonRey@cst.mail

 **From:** BenjaminSolo@Organa.mail.net

**Subject: IF YOU DONT RESPOND IM GOING TO SHOW UP AT YOUR HOUSE**

_Rey,_

_I need to talk to you and I know you blocked me but email will work fine if this is how you want to go about it. I am not angry with you but we need to talk. Things seem to jumbled and we are so bad at talking and I can't close this chapter of my life until we get things straight. Stuff isn't lining up to me and I think we've been keeping things from one another. I don't want to have to threaten to show up but I will._

_Please consider responding,_

_-Ben_

* * *

* * *

She get's email notifications on her phone and she had been incredibly pissed off when she read the subject, but softened at the email. Until she considered that if she ignored him he would show up and she could tell him about the baby. That almost seemed like a good idea until she thought of the constant anticipation of going home everyday and not finding him on her steps. 

**To:** BenjaminSolo@Organa.mail.net

 **From:** JohnsonRey@cst.mail

 **Subject:** Don't threaten me

_Ben,_

_Don't you think Jess would have something to say about you having 'this chapter' of your life open? I think you should talk with her and figure out what is going on there since you don't seem to know what you want. I do think we should talk face to face so when you decide you're done running away from me we can be adults and talk. I'll unblock your number on a probation period._

_bite me,_

_-Rey_

* * *

* * *

Ben decided to text her almost immediately

Ben racked his brain until he remembered that day that Jess and Rey had been at his apartment while he was gone. _Neither one had mentioned it_?

Ben decided to call her, he was so sick of this high school bullshit. 

"Rey, what happened that day?"

"You're on probation watch your tone." she seemed pissed and he wasn't going to test her. He just wanted answers. 

"Can you tell me why you were at my apartment?" She was quiet "Please, Rey I just want the truth."

"If you tell me why Jess was there I will tell you why I was." she sounded hesitant, "deal?"

Ben jumped at that deal, "She's my mom's assistant. They were in town and she'd come to see me for the first time since I'd been in Chicago. She was trying to talk to me about the fight I'd had with my dad. She showed up when I was gone and when I got back she could tell I didn't want her there so she left."

"So she's _just_ your mom's assistant?" she gave a jealous laugh 

"I hadn't seen or really talked to her since a month before I left New York. I had told her our relationship was over and she didn't want to accept it. She was using me to try and get ahead. She's good at her job, she's just money hungry. What I had her was physical, Rey it wasn't anything like what we-" he stopped himself not wanting to show too much of his hand.

"She's not your girlfriend?" Rey was quick with that question.

Ben laughed, a really honest laugh. "Oh hell no, she never was."

"Did you sleep with her after I left?" Ben could hear her voice starting to break

He desperately wanted to comfort her, to push aside the unnecessary jealousy she had for Jess. _Since your lips, your laugh, your body, your eyes, your soul._ He offered a simple "I couldn't. Rey since you, it's only been you"

 _Well those are his cards and he'd just thrown them fece up all over the table._

"Your turn, Rey.""

She hesitated and let out a loud sigh before she said "I came back for you, Ben." it was a whisper. Ben's throat catches, he'd not been expecting this. "I panicked the night before and I came back to tell you that I fucked up." His heart stopped beating in his chest. 

"You left again though because you thought I wanted Jess there?" He'd felt a flash of irritation.

"It made me feel sick."

"So you ignored me? Rey we are adults and I don't understand why we keep having conversations that end in a childish misunderstandings." He was mad and it came through in his tone. His pain could translate into anger, and Rey was getting defensive. 

"You blocked me back, Ben. When your dad died I tried desperately to contact you. I emailed you so you can't even pretend you didn't know!"

"I couldn't talk to you, Rey. I couldn't open myself up to you just for you to leave again. My dad died, he was gone" Ben's voice was holding back a sob. "and I couldn't deal with you not wanting me at the same time."

Rey was quiet but Ben could tell she had started crying by the rapid increase in her breath. 

"So you're just going to run away from me now?" her voice cracked with tears but she sounded irate. 

"Why were you in New York?" The words fall out, he was livid. He was going to preface it with _'don't get mad at Poe, he thought you had told me and I kind of yanked it out of him_ ' but tears made his mind go fuzzy and he couldn't stop the words as they fell from his lips. 

"What?" she said through a hard exhale 

"Why. Were. You. In. New. York. Rey?"

"I just-" she pauses and Ben can hear the uncertainty when she speaks again. "I just wanted to be close in case you needed me."

"Why?" Ben was pressing, he had been so hollow since she'd left him balling his eyes out in the bathroom. Sure she'd admitted that she fucked up, and maybe he already knew what all this meant but his stubborn pride needed her to admit everything to him. _He wanted her to tell him she missed him, that she wanted him, that she loved him._

She scoffed at his cold sounding question, "Why, what Ben?"

"Why did you want to be close?"

"In case you needed me, Ben I said that." she was sounding annoyed but he didn't care. Probation be damned. 

He pressed again, but this time the words were not in good form, "Why did you think I would need you there?"

Her response was quick and her voice held fire, "Right, I forgot you're not the orphan, Ben I am. You have so much-"

He interrupted "That's not what I meant, Rey! Fuck!"

"What did you mean then? huh?" she spits back

"Why didn't you tell me you were in New York, after we had stared talking again?"

"Because I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything." She broke and her tears sounded heavy, "I came to be with you but if you wanted me there you would have said so. Thats why I hid when I saw y-" she stopped abruptly when she said it. She'd let her emotions take over her mouth. 

He felt lava in his veins, "You saw me and you hid from me, really Rey?"

She was hesitant to answer, like she had buried her head in the sand. "I was outside the church, I saw you with Jess so I hid."

"You were there... _for me?_ but you hid because you thought I was with another girl? This doesn't make sense you know? Normal people don't do shit like this, Rey."

"What would you have me do? Bombard you outside of your fathers funeral after seeing you with the woman who called herself your girlfriend and say hi? I didn't know what to do, Ben. I figured you didn't want me there." They both sat silent but just for a second. "That was a while ago things change I guess."

It was a stab to Ben's heart, _things change I guess_. Yeah I guess they do. 

Neither of them said anything for what felt like forever, he was at an impasse. She clearly said what she needed to say, so it almost didn't matter what he felt. "goodbye, Rey" it broke the soft hum of the voiceless phone connection.

He heard her choke on a sob, she didn't say anything she just ended the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your comments about how dumb they are but if you think to their characters in Star Wars they were a bunch of dumb dumbs who couldn't clearly communicate. It's true to form for them. Sorry to leave on a cliff hanger but I am not that sorry.
> 
> Song of this chapter: "Please, Please Please, Let Me Get What I Want" -The Smiths


	28. A Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is dealing with her depression. This chapter is Finn and Poe heavy and I am sorry Ben is not here. Next chapter I promise you guys will be able to stop yelling at me. This is your slow burn, idk what to tell you.
> 
> _"Your face is all that I see  
>  I'll give you everything  
> Baby love me lights out" _

Rey floated through her week the best she could. Her hair tied up in a single top knot, instead of her usual 3. She had no makeup on, not that she normally wore a lot but she wasn't even trying anymore. She was wearing her shift dresses with thick leggings all week, a classy way of wearing sweatpants and a baggy shirt. Her body hadn't begin to change yet, if anything she'd lost muscle due to her lack of exercise, which she stopped due to her lack of eating. 

She hadn't confronted Poe about telling Ben about her being in New York. She's sure Poe did it out of ignorance of the situation, he wouldn't sell her out. And if she said anything to him she would have to talk about Ben, to think about Ben. 

On the Thursday before the party Finn began to pry, and he was being gentle but she knew what he was doing. "What are you going to wear on Saturday?" He seemed cheerful, but she heard the real meaning of the question.

_Please don't show up to my grooms shower looking like a depressed maniac._

"I was thinking of wearing a dress," she said out of the side of her lips, she knew being vague would mess with him.

"oh."

"My teal one, that I wore to the office Christmas party, Finn." She said giving a bit of a chuckle as she watched the despair run away from his face.

"Well if you want you can come get ready with us at our place? We can ride together?"

Rey thought about how sweet he was being, they both were. Rey was always included with Finn and Poe, but she knew she had to start setting boundaries not only for herself but for them.

"If you want me to be your D.D I can, but I am not going to crash the grooms getting ready thing." She said it with a smile hoping Finn wouldn't push.

"We were just going to Uber, it's not that far plus we don't know how long you're going to be able to handle us while you're sober." 

"I am so happy for the two of you, you know that right?" She said that softly to him with a smile that was more than a smile. 

"I know, Peanut, Just make sure you look good because Poe's mom is going to be there and she loves taking pictures and you're the only family of mine coming so you have to stand with me."

She could feel tears coming again, but this time it wasn't just the hormones, it was true and unconditional love.

"Poe will be home around 8 if you want to have dinner with us? We can order in something that won't upset your stomach."

He had been inviting her over almost every night for the last week, she had said no each time but since she had just tuned him down on his offer this weekend she was okay with saying yes.

* * *

Rey's eyes widened when Poe pulled the pumpkin soup from the bag. He had suggested it to her before they ordered food and it sounded surprisingly good to her. "I had pumpkin soup when I flew into Paris the first time, it's creamy but not too heavy it might work well for you." She was excited for the first time in 2 weeks to eat. 

They had an array of French food in front of them but Rey just quietly slurped her soup while she watched Finn and Poe make eyes at one another. She felt her heart sing but her eyes began watering and before she even realized it she was crying. 

"What is it, Rey?" Poe asked noticing the stream before Finn had.

"You two are soulmates huh?"

Finn and Poe just looked at each other. Poe leaned in and landed his lips on Finn's gently and they both smiled.

Seeming to realize Rey's pain Finn broke the love bubble and looked back at her. 

"Poe used to drive me insane, he would leave on flights for days and send me one text the entire time." He said it like he was tattletale-ing on him

Poe joined in "Finn used to constantly leave his dirty clothes on the floor all over the place. One night I came in from a middle of the night flight and left the lights off so I wouldn't wake him. I stepped on his dirty shirt and slipped nearly broke my tail bone." Finn laughed.

Finn caught Poe's gaze and smiled and just said "Yes, we are soulmates."

"After a lot of therapy, and a little bit of fighting. He's my one and only, _forever._ " Poe said and Finn's eyes became glazed over with tears. Poe leaned back into Finn and kissed him again. 

* * *

Rey decided to wear her hair down to the party. She'd had it tangled up on top of her head all week and her scalp at the crown of her head was getting soar. When she did her makeup she felt better, more like herself again. She'd eaten a serving of pumpkin soup before she left in case the horderves were unsuitable for her fragile stomach. She'd had a feeling pumpkin soup was going to be a new staple in her life. 

Her dress had a plunging v neck that set well on her small chest, it wrapped her waist and then puckered out into a babydoll style. The chiffon on the bottom went a little longer than the lining adding an element of movement when she walked. She didn't own many party dresses but this one was her newest and she'd only worn it to the office party. People she hardly knew that she would see when her head wasn't buried in her computer or talking shit to Finn. Her friends hadn't seen this one yet, and Rey felt beautiful. She wore black heels that were a little higher than a kitten heel. She was not going to be drinking so the alcohol wouldn't be able to assist her in numbing the pain if she wore Red Bottoms.

She decided to drive herself, she wasn't going to be drinking and paying the valet at the event center was going to be far less expensive than an uber. She was the best woman and it was her job to make sure everything went smoothly, so she arrived before anyone else. She realized as her friends began showing up that she had not seen most of them in the last few months. She wasn't really ready to tell anyone about the baby, she had to tell Finn and Poe out of necessity but she would keep it to herself tonight. 

Rose and Skip arrived hand and hand. Rey walked up to Rose and wrapped her arms around her friend.

"It has been too long, you look absolutely amazing" Rey told her. Rose was wearing a long sleeved cream colored dress that stopped just above her knees. It had a high neck line and a plunging back. 

"Look at you!" she said making it very obvious that she was staring at Rey's tits. She sighed and turned her head keeping her gaze at Rey's chest, "they're perfect." and she giggled. Rey turned bright red and tried to laugh it off as she leaned over to kiss Skips cheek. 

"Hi Skip." she offered with a smile.

"Hey Rey," he was also starting to flush. Over his shoulder Rey caught sight of Finn and Poe entering and excused herself

"Go get a drink, I see the grooms I gotta go make sure everything is okay. I'll come find you in a bit." she promises Rose as she walks backwards in Finn and Poe's direction. 

Finn looks nervous, _very nervous_. Poe has never been nervous a day in his life, but Finn looks like his skin is crawling.

Rey makes haste knowing that something is off, "Finn, honey?" she says in a cheerful tone. 

He won't look at her, and her words seem to make it worse. She flashes Poe a look and it's as if Poe is noticing the look of his fiancé for the first time. "Baby, what's wrong?" Poe asked softly. 

Finn has beads of sweat running down his face, Poe looks back at Rey and his face looks lost. Rey grabs Finn's arm from Poe and says "go greet your guests, get some champaign, we'll be right back okay?" Poe resists for a moment but Rey gives him a reassuring head nod and he lets go. "Come on Finn let's go over here." On their way out of the ballroom Rey grabs 2 glasses of champaign off of a waiter as she ushers Finn to the family style bathroom. 

She hands him a glass and locks the door behind them assuring their privacy. "drink." she orders and Finn takes a small sip. "more, Finn." she says gently and he obeys. "Whats wrong, Peanut?" she asks him, while she rubs her hand up and down his back. 

He takes another drink without saying anything, then another, and another until the glass is empty. When he finally looks up at her she hands him the other and he begins the same process with that one. She grabs a paper towel and runs it under the sink to start cooling his forehead from the sweat he's worked himself into. When she's done wiping him off she grabs a clean dry one and repeats the process. 

"I have a secret." he blurts it out and she is a little taken back by it. Her mind starts racing and she starts talking herself out of the possible situations he could be talking about. Finn doesn't keep secrets not really. "what are you talking about, Finn" she is trying to sound as nurturing as possible but she's a little scared. _Did he cheat on Poe? Did he borrow money from the mob, what the actual fuck is going on?_

"Will you stay if I tell you?" he asks, he looks scared out of his mind. He grabs her hand and squeezes it.

"Finn, you couldn't keep me out of this party for anything in the world. Unless you need help burying a body we should leave soon if we have to hide a body. That way we can get back and have an alibi." She is trying to lighten the mood but his grip grows tighter. He's looking at the floor. 

"Last week, we got some gifts in the mail for our wedding." He stops for a moment making sure to get his words right. "They were from Ben." 

Rey figured something like this would come up, she hadn't told Ben where they were registered but she knew he wasn't dumb. It wasnt like there were a lot of Finn and Poe's registered for wedding gifts in Chicago. "Ben's family is made of money, keep the gifts Finn it's not a big deal." 

"Poe told him you were in New York, he called to thank him and Poe apologized about his dad and it slipped out he didn't mean anything by -"

"I know, I talked to Ben about it, we had a bit of a fight but it's fine, Finn." She squeezed his hand again to set his mind at ease. 

That didn't do anything though, he still was looking at the white tile under his dark brown shoes. "Rey, I invited him here." Rey's heart stopped and she tried to look at Finn but couldn't bring herself to do it. She could tell he'd looked up at her face trying to gage her reaction. 

"Why?" it was bland and low. 

"I thought it may be a good way to get you two in the same room, I- I know you love him, Rey it's the easiest thing in the world to see. And it's not just because you're having his baby." He paused but she could hear it in his voice that he was revving up for more. "Even if he doesn't want to be with you or you with him, you need to talk to him. He needs to know that a part of him is going to exist in the world outside of himself." Rey can feel the tears forming in her eyes, but her mind is still so unsure on how to feel. 

"Why didn't you talk to me, Finn?" She sounds hurt.

"I couldn't, Rey" a tear falls to his cheek, "Do you know how hard it is to see you like this? Honestly, put yourself in my shoes." She squeezes her eyes closed and dropped Finn's hand. "You haven't been publishing anything but you've been _too busy with work to come over_. You're not okay and you're pushing me away. I don't know how to help you and maybe this is the wrong way but it kills me to see you like this. This isn't you." His voice cracks and the tears are steadily falling. "I lied to you, I lied to Poe. I took his phone and got Ben's number. I betrayed his trust because I couldn't seen you like this anymore."

Rey takes a big breath in, _he's not going to show up anyway, he's in New York, he doesn't care._ She repeats these in her head until she starts to believe them. She looks up at Finn, "You need to stop crying, you have a party to get to mister." She can be mad at him later if she wants, but this is about him and Poe. She can suck it up and be his best friend. Worst case scenario she could ignore Ben.

"Poe is going to be so mad at me." Rey laughs out loud her voice still heavy with tears but this was a genuine laugh. 

"Are you kidding? I'm pretty sure you doing sneaky shit is like Poe's biggest fantasy. Did you snoop on his phone or did you just get the number off of it?" She knew the answer before she asked the question. 

"I just got the number."

"He's not going to care, you can tell him but he's not going to think twice about it."

"What about you?" He raises an eyebrow at her "Are you mad?"

"Finn, I don't know how I feel but I have been in this dress less than an hour and someone has already called my tits perfect, so me being locked in a bathroom not going to make my night any better. Think of all the compliments I am missing out on because I am in here." He laughs which was her goal. "I'll let you know how I feel if he actually turns up."

"Your boobs look nice." he offers kindly. Rey rolls her eyes. 

"Let's go." she reaches up to wipe the tears off of his face. He grins at her, and she puts her forehead on his "no more secrets."

"Oh my God, honestly I don't think I could survive another one. This is the hardest thing I've ever done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhman I am pumped also I here's a picture of Rey's dress! 
> 
> Song of the chapter is for Finn and Poe "XO"-John Mayer


	29. I Call Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey's big confrontation. Both POV
> 
> _"When I find you  
>  I hope you change your mind  
> Less than I do  
> But maybe I'll change this time  
> Are you lonely?  
> I can only  
> Hope you feel blue  
> Less than I do" _

Ben was coming back to pack up his apartment but when Finn invited him to the shower he thought it may be a good way to say goodbye to Chicago, to Rey. He told Finn he'd think about it, but it wasn't an RSVP situation so there was no way to confirm or deny. His plane landed early afternoon on Saturday giving him time to get ready and maybe pack a few boxes before the event. 

When he walked through his apartment door, he was almost surprised.

The renovations had been done.

Kaydel finished up when he left, she'd been corresponding with his assistant to get in and out of the apartment. He hadn't been there when it was done, this felt unreal. This wasn't his home, this was _their_ home. He could feel Rey's ghost everywhere he looked. He'd taken pointers from Rey and told Kaydel he'd wanted a white and wood kitchen and a white couch abandoning his ever so comfortable black sofa he'd wanted to keep. He walked into their bedroom to see the cream colored curtains hung on a black bar like the ones in the living room. The closet was beautiful, Kaydel had staged Rey's dressing table with vintage perfume bottles. They looked liked they belonged there. The apartment looked like Rey belonged here. As if there was no question at that point he decided he was done running. 

He took a shower in the new bathroom, someone had been kind enough to return the shampoo and conditioner Ben bought for Rey. This furthered his gut feeling that he was doing the right thing.

He didn't feel right about the way their last conversation ended and being in this apartment only confirmed that he loved her. He tried on three shirts and 4 ties before he decided to wear black slacks and a deep maroon V neck sweater. It was slightly casual but dressed up enough for the event. He wore a grey peacoat over top and took time to tame his hair.

He's tense as he gets in the cab, he remembers the talk he'd had with his therapist about what he might expect with confronting her. He'd seen him after Finn had called with the invite and so he decided maybe he should prepare. The possibility of rejection was high but Ben knew in his heart he had to take that chance. If he never got to look Rey in the face again after tonight he'd be able to live with himself, it would suck but he couldn't live with the regret of silence. It was too hard to do that now, knowing how dumb he'd been not telling her his feelings. Being scared that when the truth came out she'd run. 

He got there about 20 minuets after the event started but couldn't work up the courage to walk inside. He knew she'd be there and his stomach swirled. He checked his coat stuffing the number ticket in his pocket and ran into the bathroom. He was hiding.

After giving himself a pep talk in his head and running his hands through his hair for the 18th time he pulled himself together long enough to walk out of the bathroom. He turned the corner of the bathroom entrance to make his way back to the main room, and she was there.

Walking with Finn, about 10 feet in front of him. He'd only seen her from the back but he'd studied her body long enough that he'd know her anywhere. He chocked at the sight of her and ran his hand through his hair again. Maybe it would be better if they talked out here, away from people. So he could run out when she slapped him across the face.

He was hesitant and his hands shook as he cleared his throat and in a deep powerful voice called out, "Rey."

She froze and Finn turned around to see him standing there. Finn looked at Ben and smiled and then back at Rey. Her eyes remained fixated in front of her. Finn continued walking into the main room, Rey didn't move.

"Rey?" he said again much softer and a bit more confused this time. He took 2 paces in her direction and he was 3 feet from her back. 

She must have heard him move closer because her shoulders shivered when he stopped.

She looked directly next to her where Finn had stood, and then up and over her shoulder at Ben. She offered a soft "Hi"

"Rey, I think we should talk."

Before he knew what was happening she'd grabbed his wrist and started marching in the opposite direction from where they'd been headed. When she stopped and shoved him and herself behind a door. Ben looked around and found himself standing in the family style bathroom. Rey locked the door and looked over at him. She looked incredible. His eyes studied her, he accidentally let out a whimper. His face flushed red. 

She was looking at the ground and they stood there in silence. He ran his fingers through his hair again. She offered a simple "Ben, I've got something to say."

_Good, he couldn't stand her silence._

She continued, "I want you to know you don't owe me anything..... and I don't expect anything from you but... you have the right to know." His mind was racing.

_Where was she going with this?_

Before he could think too much about it she looked up at him catching her gaze. His mind went blank as he looked into her perfect green eyes, he could watch his life in those eyes. She blew a breath out and he saw tears forming in her eyes. He took a step closer to her, she took a step back putting her back flush to the door. 

_I need to tell her,_ he thought to himself.

"Rey, I'm in love with you and it scares me. I don't want to leave Chicago, but I can't stand the idea of being here without you." He'd said it a million times in the mirror as practice and to his therapist but it sounded better coming out in her presents. He'd felt he had never spoken truer words. 

She took another pace toward him and wrapped her arms around him, he thrusted his lips onto hers with force. A feeling of need came over him and he let himself fall into her. She opened her mouth deepening the kiss moving her tongue with his and he let out a passionate grunt. She moved her hands up his back to grip his muscles and she melted completely in his arms.

He moved his hands along her sides remembering every curve of her body. She broke away and looked up at him, he couldn't help but give the goofiest smile and giggle at her.

"I love you too, Ben" she kissed his cheek and she said again, "I love you so much."

He fell back to her lips and her hands made her way up the front of his sweater desperately trying to take it off of him. He was so tall and his arms were so long she needed his help. 

"You want to do this here?" He'd asked looking around at the bathroom, but when he looked down at her and she wore that devilish smile he ripped his sweater off and threw it on the counter behind him.

She dug her nails into his chest and started kissing the muscles down his stomach. Her movements were greedy and it took over his senses. He let out a groan when she kissed his erection through his pants. Her hands made fast work of his belt and she pulled out his cock as it dripped with precum. He growled at the touch of her flesh on him. 

He walked around her and pushed her until she was leaning on the counter. He bent down and gathered the bottom of her dress exposing her tight ass to him. He kissed her there and she shook with anticipation. In one swift motion he ripped down her underwear and she stepped out of them. He stood and hiked her leg up slightly and shook when he looked at her bent over for him in the mirror. It offered a great view of her tits in that dress, that he didn't plan on removing. 

He sank himself into her and they both made animalistic noises. He let that take control and he slammed into her and back out. He slammed against her skin and she tensed around him.

"Gentle, Ben please."

He didn't care if she'd wanted it on the moon, he just wanted to please her. So he took his time, feeling every motion and curve inside of her. He rocked her hips into him as if he could never be close enough. He pulls away from her but just for a moment he lifts her body and places he bare bottom on the counter lifting the skirt of her dress he finds his way back to her core. 

He slides his lips across hers and she works her mouth down his neck, he breathes into her ear and she can hear the passion in his voice when he whispers, "I love you, Rey. I am so sorry. I love you."

She lifts her head to his and pulls his black hair to her so she can kiss his lips. He moans in delight at the bite she leaves on his lower lip. One of his hands leaves her waist and starts rubbing diligently on her clit. She squirms when he does this and she breathes into him. 

"Ben, I'm gonna come."

"Oh fuck Rey- fuck.. come baby... come for me."

She throws her head back and whimpers at his words. His tongue licks a hot line down her neck and to the middle of her breasts and her entire body shakes into him.

"Ben, ahhh oh God, Ben." she crumbles around him and he pulls his fingers away.

He can feel her gush around him and the feeling heightens his pleasure. She reaches forward and nibbles on his ear, "I love you too" she whispers and he can feel his elation growing. She bites down on his pec and that sends him over.

He begins to slow his pace while he's howling out her name. She slaps her hand over his mouth to muffle it and begins to laugh. He laughs too and she moves her hand away. He leans down to kiss her again, and he holds here there for a brief moment. 

"I missed you so much, sweetheart."

Rey smiles into his chest before she jerks back from him, "holy shit, I gotta get out there Ben, I'm the best man and Finn's only family here."

She grabs her underwear and struggles to get them back over her heals. Ben starts to dress himself and when he tightens his belt her looks up at Rey with uncertain eyes. She is smiling at the sight of him that she disheveled. She walks up to him and slides her lips across his and she whispers, "I love you, Ben Solo." he smiles with his lips still on hers. "Will you be my date?" she asks and he nods his head in delight. 

"You have to do something for me though." He says holding her waist as he looks her up and down, _this fucking dress man is going to kill him._

"and what is that, my love?" he groans at the sound of her calling him that, to hear those sweet lips say love. 

"You have to introduce me as your boyfriend. I don't want anyone looking at you and getting any ideas." He says this as he runs his pointer finger down her neck until it stops in between her breasts. 

"Deal." She kisses him again and then grabs his hand to exit back into the hall.

* * *

* * *

_Did she plan on having sex with Ben when she shoved him in that bathroom? No of course not!_

_But you have Ben Solo say he loves you and try not to jump his bones!_ She thinks to herself _. Have you seen him?!_

It's an after thought but she stops outside of the great room and looks down at her shoes. Ben stops and looks at her with a confused brow. She should of had him clarify before walking out here. _What does any of this mean? Were they together?_

"What's wrong, Rey?"

She couldn't tell him about the baby here, it wasn't the time or place. She wanted to but he'd interrupted her, she really hadn't expected him to love her but now that she knew she wanted to be sure that he wanted to stay for her, just her. The feeling that he may feel obligated to stay with her made her stomach knot up.

He loved her he said, but a baby was a lot to handle. "Ben, I -" She's struggling to convey her feelings and doesn't want to say the wrong thing. 

"Rey, if we are going to be together we need to work on communicating. We need to tell each other how we feel, or this won't work. I want this to work."

"You do?"

"Of corse I do, sweetheart. I love you I want to be with you, I'm not going anywhere." 

_Oh wait until I throw a wrench into your life plans later, buddy you're going to be running for the hills._

She pushes this thought aside. She has to tell him but not now, this isn't about them. She doesn't think she can lie that long so she looks up and tells him. "Ben, I want that too. More than anything, I want us to be together in Chicago and I just need you to know there is more we need to talk about. So much more, but right now I have to be here for my boys."

"I want to be here too, for them and you." he smiles down at her, and she knows he has no clue. "They're your family, so they are important to me." _She likes where this is going._

"Can we put this conversation on pause until after?" she asks. 

He nods and leads her through the main room to Finn and Poe, who are standing with Rose and Skip. Finn looks up as they approach and sees Ben's hand in hers and smiles as he raises an eyebrow. Rey blushes back at him, and tries to conceal her smile. As they get closer the rest of the group notices their arrival and turn to welcome them into the circle of conversation. 

Rose is of course to open her mouth, "well well well, Ben Solo." she grins at the sight of their fingers intertwined and Rey and Ben both turn red. 

Rey turns to Skip knowing that he's the only one in this group who hasn't met Ben, "Skip this is my boyfriend, Ben." Poe and Finn share a look when Rey says this. "Ben, this is Rose's husband, Skip"

Ben offers Skip a handshake, and Skip takes it. "Nice to meet you Skip."

Skip raises his brows at Ben, "Boyfriend?" he questions. "I've know Rey for 5 years and I've never met a boyfriend" Rey reaches across Ben and shoves Skips arm. 

"Don't scare him off! I worked hard on this match" Rose says.

"Ah of corse you did." Skip says playfully at Rose. 

"Is there anything else we should know about?" Poe asks and Finn's hand immediately wraps around his arm and squeezes.

Rey's eyes go wide and she shakes her head no, "Ben?" He looks down at her. "Could you go get me some ginger-ale my stomach isn't feeling great."

"Sure." He leans down to kiss her and Skip turns with him.

"I'll go with you I need a refill." He says shaking the empty champagne flute. 

"Rose can you go with them and get Poe and I some more too?" Finn asks, Rose gives them a strange look but she knows better than to try to understand Finn and Rey's relationship. Finn is the one who introduced Rose into the group and Finn and Rey were already inseparable at that point. 

"Sure" Rose said slowly under a suspicious brow and followed behind Ben and Skip. 

Poe looked at Rey as soon as Rose was out of ear shot, "So?"

"What?" she said. 

"What do you mean what? Did you tell him?"

"No, he told me he loved me." She felt butterflies fill her stomach and a dumb grin made its way to her face like some lovestruck teenager.

"Okay so that would've been a good time to tell him?" Poe asked confused.

"What did you say?" Finn added

"I said I loved him too." looking embarrassed. 

"Okay, and then?" Finn asked

"Well he wants to be my boyfriend."

"Okay that's sweet but you didn't tell him about his unborn child." Poe adds in a very Poe way.

"That is a lot to spring on a person who 20 minuets ago was going to leave Chicago." Her defensive tone mellows a bit, "Also tonight is not about him or me it's about the two of you and we are celebrating what you have." She says it with a smile on her face, please with how good of a friend she is being. 

Poe responds, "I call bullshit."

"What?!" Rey says back a little too loud, she quiets her voice and asks again, "What?"

"If you thought it would end well you would have told him, he would be happy and you'd feel the weight of the world come off your shoulders but you're scared that he's going to be upset so you didn't tell him."

"Easy, Poe." Finn warns

"Look I am not telling you to tell him right now or not but you need to stop being scared of him, this isn't you, Rey. You can be a bad bitch and still be in love. And if he loves you, the real you, he doesn't want you to be scared either." Poe says "One of the greatest things I love about Finn is that me being in his life is a choice. I know that if I left him tomorrow he would be sad but he would survive. He loves me and I love him more than anyone in the world. But he doesn't complete me I complete myself. He makes me happy and he makes me want to do better for myself and for him, but he is his own person and I am my own person. We are both bad bitches because of it."

Poe looks at Rey as she sinks into the realization of his words. Finn smiles and kisses Poe before returning his gaze to Rey. He grabs her hand and squeezes it.

"Thank you for making tonight about us, if it makes it easier on you I want you to tell him now, but if you want to wait until the party is over I think you should. You know what is best for you, that baby is something bigger than this shower." Finn offers her a sympathetic smile and then follows it up with, "you can't keep it from him for much longer now."  
  
Rey takes a deep breath in and looks at them, "I will tell him tonight, just after you two are too drunk to notice my absence." she is joking with them but she is scared. She has never felt like this about anyone, and there is this invisible pull that ties her and Ben together. She hopes this won't snap the rope. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH ok chapter song is so good for this chapter IMO  
> "Less Than I Do"- The Band CAMINO  
> Also please don't come at me for dragging this out I want to keep this going forever because I'm always on "Missing Ben Solo hours"


	30. Sexy Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I never thought I'd feel so deeply, but damn, I do  
>  It's the way you're smilin' at me, it's in the way you hold my hand  
> It's the way I've watched you change me from a boy into a man  
> It's a million things about you, and I don't know what it is  
> But I have never known a love like this" _

Ben tuns to find that Rey is no longer with Poe and Finn but is standing with an older woman with grey hair. He walks in her direction with her drink in hand. He could be happy forever just to look at her. Both woman are laughing at something out of his earshot but he can't help but notice how beautiful she looks when she is happy. He feels a pull on his heart and even as he walks towards her there is an urgency in his legs. One that says the _distance though not far is too much._

He wraps his arm around her from behind and his hand that is holding her drink finds her as she takes it from him.

He smiles at the touch of her hand and as she moves her fingers along his to take ownership of the glass he stands himself up straight and rests beside her, his now empty hand finding a home in the small of her back.

"Ben, this is Shara, Poe's mother. Shara, this is my boyfriend Ben." He smiles down at Shara and reluctantly removes his hand from Rey to shake her hand. Once she releases him it returns.

"Rey, you did not say he was so handsome, so tall." Shara said

"Those are not the questions you asked of me, Shara" Rey responded raising her eyebrow at both Shara and Ben's gaze.

Ben turned his head slightly to look at Rey, "Do I want to know what she did ask?" He says jokingly not expecting a real response and Rey just shakes her head.

Much to Ben and Rey's surprise Shara opens her mouth and says, "I asked her if you were a nerf-herder." Shara laughs and Ben looks at Rey with a confused question on his face. Rey laughs at Ben, and Shara looks back at him, "I guess that's a term you two are too young to understand, but I guess kids would call them buttheads, nerds?" 

"Ah" Ben says with a knowing nod of his head. "and is it true Rey? Am I a nerf-" he looks back to Shara 

"herder" she finishes for him. 

"You can be," Rey says with a slight smile. "but I don't mind it." He leans into her and kisses her softly on the cheek. 

The evening continues with Ben following Rey around a room introducing him to people she sees at things like this. Special occasion friends, you love them and want them around for important moments in your life, but they are never your first call in an emergency. They are never the ones you cry out for when you get bad news they are just friends. 

Ben can see the color drain from Rey's face when he asks her, "You're on your third ginger ale are you feeling any better?" He's taken back by her involuntary bodily response. "Rey? Are you okay?"

"My stomach hasn't been well for a few days now, I think I am at the tail end of it but I don't want to rush it. It's been miserable and I don't want to take a single step backwards."

"Okay well maybe we should get you home?" Ben asks trying not to sound suggestive, he wants to wrap her up and show her their beautiful place he made for them. He wants to put her in one of his shirts and smell her hair on his chest while he rubs circles up and down her back. Above that though, with the news of her not feeling good he wants to take care of her.

It is late anyway. Rey already dazzled her way across the party throughout the night. Poe and Finn had tears when she gave her toast and most of the elder party guest have left already.He was sober but he was averaging about 2 glasses of champaign an hour. The finger foods got him though or he would be much farther gone at this point. For about 30 minuets Poe did shame Ben into doing the cha-cha slide, which started the DJ's pre-choreographed playlist. Finn jumped in during Footloose and Rey sat at a table laughing at her friends and the other guest as they danced.

"Sure" she says to him with a smile.

They would have made a bigger deal of leaving but Poe and Finn have been making out in the corner of the room for the last 10 minuets and if there was one thing she knew about Poe, it was that he knew how to drunk order an uber. At least that's what she told Ben as they left the main room.

She pulled her coat ticket from her purse and Ben grabbed his from his pocket. While the attendant turned Rey pulled her keys from her purse, she made a show of waving them in front of Ben. "Got any plans tonight?" She asked him and she took a step closer to him reaching around to his back and pressing herself against him. 

"I have to get my girlfriend in bed, she's not feeling too great which is a shame because I wanted to show her my renovated apartment." Her eyes lit up at this second part of his sentence. 

"Oh I forgot you were having that done! I want to see it let's go there!" 

He grins down at her and wraps his arms tight around her back, "Sweetheart, I want to take you there when you feel better. You need to get into bed."

"I'll get into your bed." She grins at him and his heart flutters, but before he can react the coat attendant returns with both of their items in hand.

He wants to correct her. His bed no longer exists, it is hers as much as it is his. He can't correct her here he wants to show her, how much she means and the way he cares for her. He wants her to see the small amount of time she has put into him has done nothing but make him better, and he sees that. He wants her to know he appreciates that. 

He settles on, "Fine I guess you can stay over, but only if I can get a ride home."

"That you can." She says just before she slips outside behind him in the cold. He grabs her hand and she leads him to valet.

Ben insists on tipping her valet for her and she almost seems annoyed by it so he backs off and lets her pull the bills from her purse. Once they are warm in the car and she starts driving he brings it up. "Rey?"

"humm?" she lowers her music and raises her eyebrows keeping her eyes on the road as she drives. 

"Why wouldn't you let me tip the valet?" He tries to sound as neutral as possible as to not start an argument it was genuine curiosity. 

"Because this is my car, Ben." Her voice doesn't sound angry but her face didn't get that message. 

"Why does it make you mad when I want to pay for things? I think this is a good place for us to start communicating." He keeps calm and the almost angry look on Rey's face turns into something softer but not any less upsetting. 

"I've been on my own most of my life, Ben." She starts but her eyes stay focused. "I worked really, really hard to get where I am today, and I hate feeling like I owe other people things."

"I wouldn't have held you to paying me back, I wanted to do it as a thank you for giving me a ride. The price of a cab is a lot more than a tip to a valet." He explains keeping his cool. "So by your logic I owe you something now, how am I going to sleep if I can't pay you back?" He jokes trying to lighten the mood. It works because she glares over and winks at him. 

"I can think of a few ways." she says with a sly look on her face. 

Ben feels a shock in his chest at her implication, but he focuses first on her sharing with him.

"Rey, I know you're hardcore independent and I like that so much about you. You work yourself tired, I see that. " he looks over at her and places his large hand on her small knee. "You're not alone anymore, not as long as you don't want to be. I'm here. It's okay sometimes to let others take care of you." His hand squeezes her leg, "I love you."

* * *

* * *

Thank the stars they were turning into Ben's parking garage when he said that because Rey was falling apart. Her tears came so strong so suddenly she could hardly see by the time she had put her car in park. Ben looked at her and he could see the shear confusion on his face.

 _How did he do this? He knew what the right thing to say was and he didn't even know the situation_? 

Playing back his words in her head over and over brought a thick cloud of guilt to her head and she sobbed Into the steering wheel. 

"Baby girl, what's the matter?" He asked and it almost made it worse. 

She wasn't thinking straight and with the fog in her brain she looked him in the eyes and felt a familiar and unwelcome reflex coming back up. Word vomit. She urged herself to push it down so she flew out the next thing on her lips. "I love you, Ben"

"I love you too, sweetheart. Why are you crying?"

"I uh- oh man I, I, I" She could feel the panic rising in her and she began her breathing and closed her eyes to focus. Repeating one of the more helpful questions she had learned.

_'is my reaction going to change the outcome?'_

Each time she was able to answer herself, _no,_ she felt a little panic roll away. 

"Ben, I do love you. I have loved you since I drove across town with a container of soup in the middle of winter with no heater in my car. You have to know that right?" her words sounded desperate they were pleading with him to be understanding. He looked at her with a blank face and she could tell there was every kind of thought running through his head. "Ben?!" She wanted an answer but more than that she wanted to snap him out of overthinking everything she was saying. 

"Yes, I know Rey. I know." The words fell out like he didn't put any though behind them. 

"I didn't do it on purpose, Ben but I am not going to apologize for it." The life left his face and she felt her gut clench up. This was not the way she had planned it, but short of blurting it out in his face this was the best she could do. _Fucking hormones._

"Rey, we weren't together, you don't have to explain yourself. I get it." Her face calmed at the sound of him being a nerf-herder.

"Ben, that's not-"

"Rey, I love you and I don't care as long as you are here with me now I don't care."

"Oh my God, Ben. Shut up!" she was angry at the idea that she would throw herself around at his departure and even if she did, she knew it didn't matter because they weren't together and it was her body and she could do whatever the fuck she wanted to with it. She didn't say that but she knew if this conversation went well they would have to clarify those points later. "There wasn't anyone else, Ben. It's only been you for the last, Jesus, 10 months?" she thinks back to the last time she let some fuck boy into her bed for the night. Clearly unmemorable, especially after the few months she had been with Ben. "That's not it"

"oh-" he said sheepishly, he looked embarrassed to have assumed which meant that maybe the points she would later clarify wouldn't be such a foreign idea to him. 

"I love you, Ben. I know you said you love me but I made a mistake and I take responsibility for it." She did really, he had never asked if she was on birth control, because thats just not a sexy conversation and being that they are adults if she would have needed him to provide contraception she would've said so. That is another story why is it always the woman's responsibility and why can't these scientist figure out comprehensive male birth control? _Fucking society._ Regardless, she was the one to beg to feel him inside of her. The one who forgot to keep up with her shot, the one who was going to be caring this child. 

She looked at him trying not to get too caught up in her thoughts and Ben already looked like he was going to be sick from anticipation she was terrified to see what his reaction to the news would be. "Do you want to go inside?" That was word vomit and she can't believe she said it like it was going to change the subject. Ben didn't answer he sat motionless in the passengers seat looking at her. The worry not once wavering from his face. 

"Rey." it was a statement, an encouragement, a need, a plea. She knew she was causing him discomfort and she was feeling less and less shame at the love she had felt for the little thing blooming inside of her. She was sorry to have forced his hand, being she did it unknowingly. She was sorry she had kept it from him and let herself play boyfriend girlfriend for the last few hours under false pretenses. She knew however, she was not sorry that she was going to be a mom.

"Ben-" She exhaled a long dragging breath and her voice was timid and low when she opened her mouth, "I'm, er- we're I guess" she tried thinking about that for a moment and she let her train of thought run away.

_It did always sound dumb when people would say we're pregnant because the woman is, but I guess that kind of diminishes the pride that the father gets to feel. He's not carrying the child so maybe thats what he gets but now that she's in the position of telling her baby daddy that he is in fact her baby daddy it makes-_

"Rey!" He was fed up with her, and she couldn't blame him, he'd been nicer than she would've been had someone held something over her head this long. She snapped back to the current reality of everything and looked up at him. 

"Ben, I am pregnant." There it was, laid out and she couldn't take it back. This wasn't a fairy tale, YouTube pregnancy reveal.

This was a _we fucked in the bathroom 4 hours ago to make up and you've been my boyfriend since then reveal._

This was a _I came to your dad's funeral and saw you with some girl you used to fuck. So I freaked out so I couldn't tell you I loved you and ran away. Then I fainted and found out 2 hours later at the hospital reveal._

This was a _I almost had a panic attack in my car and then you tried to slut shame me when I was trying to tell you that you're going to be a father reveal._

_Fucking Hormones._

"Please don't do that fucking annoying thing that guys do and ask 'is it mine?' because I wouldn't be freaking out in your garage right now if it wasn't." She felt fierce and even though she wasn't looking at him his silence gave her room to roam. "also I don't-" before she could finish her sentence his hands had come up to grab her face and she was pulled into his gaze. 

His beautiful bourbon eyes stared into her and she could see the tears wetting his long black eyelashes. His demeanor was stoic and she was having trouble reading his reaction but she couldn't look away. She couldn't bring herself to move, so she just looked at him. "Ben, I-" his eyes silenced her again. _God say something_. Her mind was screaming and she figured this is how she must have made him feel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Love Like This"- Ben Rector
> 
> I AM DRAGGING THIS OUT MORE THAN I THOUGHT BC I CANT LET GO. FIGHT ME.  
> jk love yewwww this won't be much longer.


	31. Please Say Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's reaction. I know I know I am the worst for making you wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many 80's love song lyrics can you spot in this chapter, bc there is a lot?!

Rey's eyes locked on his and he could tell by the way her voice stopped she was surprised by his tears. He was surprised by them too. He didn't know how to feel, unable to process everything. He knew no matter how he felt that his life was about to change, as was hers. The woman he loved was carrying his child. He didn't feel an overwhelming sense of anything but numbness. It wasn't like the movies show where he sees his future flash in her eyes. This was a lot and it was all happening so fast. Hell, 6 hours ago he was moving back to New York, shit that hadn't even been cleared up yet. 

"Please say something" she whispered, almost as if he wasn't meant to hear her quiet plea. It broke his train of thought.

Ben didn't move, he couldn't. A new train came, _How long have you known? Why are you telling me now? What do you want? Are you okay? What can I do?_ but his mouth wouldn't open. 

"Look," she puffed out, the shock of his tears must be wearing off on her. "I don't expect anything from you" anger pulsed in his heart at her words. "I needed to tell you, but I didn't mean to force you into anything"

Is that what she thought she was doing? Why wouldn't she expect anything from him? Is he that unqualified to be there for her, his DNA is running through her blood and she didn't want anything from him? What had tonight been about? Is this playing one big happy family to her? He clenched his teeth but his voice broke through as he tensed his jaw. "Do you really love me then Rey, or do you just want to play house?" he tried to soften the words but he felt justified in his emotion. 

"Of corse I love you Ben," she paused and grabbed her chest like he had just stuck a knife in it. "I found out after your dad's funeral. I was there for you Ben I didn't know yet. I didn't know until I saw you and-" her words broke off "I thought of how I saw you with her, I was scared to tell you to ruin your happiness."

His eyebrow lifted, he'd cleared this up with her. They'd moved past this he thought. 

"I know now that it wasn't what it looked like Ben, would you want me to tell you on the phone? I could have flown back to New York, tried to find you again. You didn't want me and I didn't want you tp feel forced into anything."

"God, Rey, Why do you keep saying that?!" The irritation in his voice became obvious and he leaned into it. "You keep acting like I am going to run away from you, like I am not the one who came back willingly, like I didn't want to be with you." He let his words sink into her, his vision was blurred from his tears that he didn't even notice hers until they started falling and her sobs became auditable. "Answer me." Her tears didn't seem to offer any leniency to his tone. 

"I love you, Ben. The night I left was the worst thing I have ever done. I wasn't planning on leaving, I was going to ask if I could keep my things in a drawer or the closet. My desk was bursting with skirts and shoes and I just wanted to make a place for myself at your place." Her voice was shaking but she seemed determined to get the words out. "I panicked, I wanted to stay but I thought you wouldn't let me to or it would scare you and you'd ask me to leave. I tried to come back but I ran into Jess and she was here and you weren't and she said you were together so I thought you had picked up and moved on already. I couldn't stand it so I left, I blocked you. It hurt so bad I didn't know how to handle the pain so I-" 

His hand reached to grab hers, she'd been talking with her hands so when he pulled it down her words stoped and she looked at him. It gave her brain to catch up with how quick her mouth had been moving and she cringed as she thought about her long ramble. He unbuckled her seat belt and reached to turn the engine off. He grabbed the keys to avoid any thoughts she may have of running then opened his door and stepped out. He walked around the car and opened her door and she stared at him in silence. Without a word he grabbed her hand again and pulled her from her seat. He locked the car and lost for words they walked into the elevator. 

* * *

* * *

When they reached his door he opened it slowly. The lights were out as they stepped in. Rey was unsure as to what was happening but she loved Ben, trusted him. Whatever he was doing had purpose. As he reached around him to turn the lights on she felt his body turn to hers, he stared at her face and she broke the gaze to look around. 

This was not what she had expected, hours of discussing color palette and wondering if Ben was more of a mustard yellow or olive green kind of guy seemed to have been useless. There was too much light and bright, not nearly enough black. This was not Ben's apartment, this is the one she built in her mind. She looked in awe at the beautiful touches that Kaydel had placed, memories of her pointing those things out to Ben on mood boards flashed in her mind. He had listened, and remembered. She stood tongue tied and tears quietly filled her eyes again. As she turned in a circle to face each room in the open space she stopped when she saw the kitchen. The beauty of the wood left her breathless. She could no longer see Ben, her back to him but she quivered when she felt his arms wrap around her waist and his hands landed on her stomach. 

"Do you still think I'm going to be the one who is scared away?" She had wanted a drawer, or a few hangers. He'd given her his entire home. She shook her head and the tears fell harder. 

"Ben, I- I am so sorry" she could feel his face start to nuzzle her cheek, and his head rested on her shoulder. "I'm just trying to think of the right words to say."

"I understand that I have no idea what those words are, but I've got to tell you, I don't know if I am ready to be a dad."

The words caused Rey to gasp and he could feel her trying to wiggle out of his grip. He sounded wounded as the words came out of his mouth, but he continued. "If you're ready to be a mom though, I think we can figure it out together. If you'd like"

Rey didn't move she seemed to be relishing in the arms of Ben, humming at his touch he could feel the vibration that was always at the tips of their fingers any time they came in contact with one another. More than a touch.

Ben could feel her leaning into him and swaying at the hips, he could see from her profile that she started to crack a small smirk. "What?" he asked softly. 

"I was just thinking."

Ben raised a curious brow, "About what, sweetheart?" 

"How I wasn't missing you, not even at all." She let out a little giggle with her sarcasm. 

"That's fine." He answered quickly in a flat voice. 

"oh?" she sounded surprised to be met back with a facetious tone.

"Typical." he said back. "Ben?" he felt her breath hitch like it was hard for her to say his name.

"Yes?"

"Are you staying in Chicago?"

He let out a labored sigh. "Rey, I really do have to think this all over, but I want you to stay tonight if you're okay with that."

She didn't move but he noticed her smile dropped. She shook her head at his words, "I understand" 

Ben felt his heart jump when she wouldn't say anymore, he tightened his grip around her waist, "Please, stay tonight." he whispered and it came out as desperate as it felt rolling off his tongue. She shook her head again at his words in agreement. "I still love you, you know?" he didn't know if she doubted it but he felt the reassurance wouldn't hurt. 

"I love you too." she responded as she quickly spun around in his hold and hurried her sobs into his neck. He wasn't sure when she had started crying but he could feel the warm wet tears start to soak through his sweater. 

He positioned his arms under her ass to use it to leverage her into his arms taking her feet off the ground. He walked slowly back to their room, he stopped in the doorway placing her down facing the door. He reached behind him to turn the light on "look my love." he said softly. She looked up and her sobs came back hard and he wrapped himself back around her trying to shelter her from her emotions. "Take a look at me" he said softly in her ear, "now, Rey" he said in a stern voice, _find me._

She glanced up at him, her eyes puffy and red, the pink splotches covered her face and he could tell she was falling apart. He grabbed her hand and walked her to the bed. He urged her to sit, wondering if she was okay the entire time. He raised her right leg to his chest and started unclasping the high heel strap around her ankle. His eyes met hers again as she watched every move he was making like it was her favorite movie. 

"I'm here, I am not going anywhere." he said slipping her shoe off. He heard her breath shutter, "don't you start crying again, sweetheart. It's not going to help anyone." he had serious concern on his face. "Let me help you." he pleaded at her. _Let me bare the weight, give me your worry, let me take care of you._ His eyes poured into hers and she caught her breath looking intently into those bourbon eyes. "good girl" he said as he raised her left leg. 

"Ben, I- I'm so so so.."

He cut her off, "don't" he said flat and serious taking her breath away. "You need to stop apologizing, there's nothing else you can do. We will talk about this tomorrow." He dropped her leg and walked into the closet, returning with one of his black t-shirts. He positioned himself in between her legs, "You've had a long night." He started pulling her dress over her head. He couldn't help but drink her in, she was beautiful as ever. Her muscle tone had decreased and she almost looked smaller than he remembered but she was still every bit as wonderful. He pulled the shirt over her head and kissed her cheek as her head emerged from the top of the t-shirt. 

He started removing his layers and throwing them on the floor without a second thought until he was standing in only his briefs. He pulled the large throw pillows off the bed and pulled back the covers directing Rey to her place on their bed. He switched off the light and climbed in pulling her to his chest. This was the only thing that was right, the feeling his heart felt when she was here like this. _His_. 

His mind was going in circles trying to figure out what the fuck he was going to do, what he wanted for himself. He took his own advice, it had been a long night, a long day. Their feelings were both so raw and exposed and troubling over this tonight wasn't going to help anyone. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head while his fingers mindlessly drew circles on her back. 

"I love you, Ben" he heard in the dark and her arm reached across his broad torso grabbing him further into her grasp. 

"I love you too, baby girl." He whispered at her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter is: "Stay Awake" - Dean Lewis  
> I feel like I am going to be adding at least 4 more chapters 
> 
> iM SoRrY


	32. My Mother Is Going To Kill Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the morning after the party from both POV
> 
> _  
> "I can’t get out of this distress, it circles in my mind  
>  And everything is just a mess, but I am doin’ fine_
> 
> _....Make your decision now  
>  Head won’t stop spinnin’  
> Love me or let me out" _

It could have been the jet lag, but Ben fell asleep quickly and remained asleep when Rey opened her eyes in the morning. The new white curtains were beautiful but they were sheer. Nothing like his thick black ones and the light danced across her face bringing her into consciousness.

She found that she'd rolled to her other side facing away from Ben and she could feel by his lack of warmth that he was likely facing away from her as well. She remained still not willing to lift her head and look. This time of day was the worst for her sickness, and even slight movement would cause her stomach to turn. She moved her leg back to reach for his but when he didn't respond to the touch she knew he was still dreaming.

Her head was spinning in uncertainty as she recounted the conversations that happened last night. Over analyzing every word he'd said, flinching at the words that she wishes she could change. One word he'd said kept flashing in her mind, _together_.

He said they could figure it out, _together_.

She could feel her emotion starting again in her eyes, she'd been laying there for what felt like hours so slowly she sat up. When she was sure she wasn't going to be sick she slid out of the warm bed and walked around to the bathroom. When she opened the door she was almost surprised to see the updates, like she'd forgotten completely. She could see her shampoo still in the shower through the glass door and that gave her a reassuring feeling.

He loves me, she started repeating this in her mind looking in the mirror. She knew he did but it was almost too good to be true. Rey could count on one hand the number of people she truly deeply loved her entire life. Finn, Poe, Maz, Rose, and Ben. As she recounted her list she remembered she would soon need her other hand as she unintentionally felt for her torso and smiled. 

The door opened and she looked up at the mirror to watch the movement coming from behind her, "Can I come in?" he said looking at her with a new softness on his face, he was staring at where her hands had landed and she felt self conscious and quickly dropped them to her side. 

"I was just looking at more of the renovations," she lied "It looks great, Ben."

"I am so glad you like it." he smiled at her as he walked closer. His pace was slow as if he would startle her and she'd run away.

She felt it well up behind her eyes, the emotion at just being here with him. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" His eyes narrowed when he saw the wetness gather in her eyes.

She were finally able to put words to the emotion. You could kick yourself, honestly you wanted to kick Poe's ass. He was right, _motherfucker_.

This was fear, you were scared and you weren't being you. Ben closed the space between them and wrapped her up in his strong arms and she let herself fall into him. "Do you want to talk?" He must have been able to feel the apprehension in Rey's body that emanated from last nights conversations. She let out a deep breath at his question and nodded yes into his chest. 

He walked her back to the bedroom and they sat on the bed across from one another and even when it hurt she looked up to meet his gaze. Bourbon eyes striking her soul and she felt a spike in her heart rate. 

"what's wrong, Rey?" She didn't answer right away, he pressed again "We need to talk, really talk."

She looked down at her hands no longer able to handle the truth coming from his mouth and the fire in his eyes. She started fidgeting with her fingers twisting them into the blanket as she found words to speak, "I am so scared, Ben." It felt like glass was shattering in her chest, every fragment cutting her skin as it fell and leaving herself open and vulnerable. 

"Keep going." He encouraged, and she knew this was the right thing for him to say. She knew that he knew why she was scared but she needed to say it for herself out loud, to be heard, understood, to be brave. 

"I've never loved anyone the way, -" her words slowed and she took in a breath trying desperately to be strong. "I've never had this." she finished gesturing her free hand at the space separating the two of them, the other still fighting with the blanket. 

"I haven't either" it was flat and quiet but almost another encouragement, another _keep going._

"I've never uh, I-I-I" her tears started again and it consumed her. Her heart beat was out of control and it pounded in her ears. She put her hands to her chest to stop the pain but it didn't help. She was gasping and crying harder than she ever had in her life. His hand reached for her leg and she felt a wave of calm wash over her, she was able to collect part of her breath but he tears kept rolling as the sad groans came from her throat. 

She pulled herself on her knees and lunged into his lap, throwing her arms around his neck and her legs over his left leg, he cradled her while she cried on his shoulder and he gently pushed her hair back to sooth her. After a moment when her breath was almost normal letting a slight shutter out every fifteen seconds or so, he pulled away from her slightly to look at her face.

He gave her a nod, _keep going_. 

"I have never had a real family before." she whispered so quietly that she wondered if he had heard. Moments later he responded by pulling her impossibly closer to himself and rocking her in his warmth. "I'm so scared of this, Ben. Of all of this, and of my child being-" she labored her breath again, "-unwanted." She felt proud of herself getting the words out, but it didn't make the pain disappear, it didn't make her fear any less real, and it didn't give her a sense of security as she'd hoped. 

"Your child?' he questioned, almost as a joke. 

"Our- our child." She said softly 

"Rey, I am just surprised." Ben started to speak but Rey just felt tension in her emotions as she listened. "I love you, and I want us... but- but a child? I didn't know if I ever wanted children. Never thought I'd be a dad." Rey fell numb, and she let her grip on his neck slack, her arms fell to her lap. He looked down at her, and though she could feel his gaze she didn't move. She focused her eyes on the baseboard across the room and held onto the sight with all her strength even as the tears flooded her eyes. 

They sat in silence as if Ben thought he'd said enough, and Rey was too numb to respond or move. His words had paralyzed her in her fear, and when it became clear to Ben that she wasn't going to budge he continued. 

"When you said you were pregnant, do you want to know what I though of?" he asked breaking the silence they had uncomfortably been sitting in. "My unfiltered genuine first thought?"

Rey's eyes matched his and that was all the encouragement she could muster, he continued "My mother is going to kill me" he said with a giggle in his voice, his tone became more serious. "Then I thought, ' _well she's stuck with me now_.'"

Rey blinked her eyes grew wide at his words encouraging him this time, _keep going_. 

He stopped and took in a loud breath and released it with a sigh, "Rey, I am scared too. I am scared that I am going to let you down, I'm going to let this kid down," his voice started to shake noticeably and she saw his lip quiver, "Right now, in this moment I am more scared of losing you again-" his tears broke the barrier of his eyelashes and fell to his face, "Sweetheart, I just need some time."

Rey reached up and kissed his check like it was the last kiss she'd ever give anyone as long as she lived. Before he could react she slid out of his lap and walked to the pile of clothes grabbing her dress and shoes and closed the bedroom door as she walked back into the living room.

She wasn't going to do this here, she wasn't going to fall apart in front of him not again. She took her time dressing waiting for the door to slam open, for him to run to her and wrap her close to him. For him to tell her how happy he was, but she couldn't clasp her shoe any slower. When he didn't appear she knew she had to leave. She grabbed her keys off the counter where Ben had left them after they walked in yesterday and headed back to her car. 

When she started the car she felt a rush of cold air, the heater had been blasting when Ben took the keys and the engine was now blowing cold air in her face. The shock of the chilling air made her cry but as tears fell she knew that wasn't what this was. She sat there for a moment or two to calm herself down before pulling out of her spot.

The thought of stopping for soup crossed her mind but she considered her appearance and decided to pay the delivery fee instead. She looked ridiculous, her makeup was smudged and running down her face. She hadn't cared enough to try and wash it off last night and her lack of overnight bag would have just meant scrubbing her face with warm water harder than she would've liked. She wanted a shower and a clean comfortable sweater.

The drive was only about a half hour, but it felt like shorter since she spent most of the time zoned out focusing extremely hard on what her body was doing to get the car to go. This was the best way to keep her thoughts at bay. When she pulled up she ran out of the car as if it would help her avoid the chill in the air. Running up her porch steps the old wood creaked as it always had and she fumbled with her keys a moment to unlock the door. 

When she opened the door she'd come back to her cozy space, a space she'd spent her entire life building. One just for her, filled with all of the tangible things she'd worked so hard for and couldn't help but feel completely and totally alone.

She walked to the back of the duplex and turned the water on to let it start to warm, she pulled out her phone from her purse, the first time she had since she left the party last night. It had died so she put it on the charger, her soup would have to wait.

She stepped into a warm shower and let the water fall over her body. She tried to relax in the soothing cascade of water but found herself crying once again. She sat on the floor of the tub, the water a little cooler from down here but she didn't mind. She tucked her knees to her chest and her bawling continued. After about 10 minuets she increased the temperature but knew she would soon be out of hot water. She washed her face still sitting on the porcelin and managed to remove the day old makeup. Once the water ran cool she turned it off and stayed where she sat. I pool of water had formed behind her, her body blocking it from the drain. It wasn't hot but it was warmer than the air circling her so she welcomed it as it slowly escaped.

She'd heard the knocking of her screen door and the dogs that would bark from the neighbors house. The drain ate the last of the water and Rey was shaking as her hair dripped cold water over her skin. She'd forced herself up and wrapped a towel around her body. She had her mind set on her sweatpants. As she pulled on the clean clothes they offered her a small amount of warmth but none like she'd felt wrapped up in Ben.

She grabbed her phone and ordered her soup and decided to call and check up on her boys. It was about noon and she figured that was more than enough time to sleep off their hangover, and Finn had broken every rule in the book and forgot to text her that he had made it home okay. 

"hum?" She woke him, and he was still not awake fully. 

"You at home?"

"ummhumm"

"Poe there?"

"ummhumm"

"Then I guess I can let your lack of safety report slide." she said slightly reprimanding him with her comment. 

"thannnk you."

"I'll let you go back to sleep."

"ummm" a pleased tone escaped Finns mouth

"Love you, peanut."

"Love you more." and Finn ended the call. 

_Alone. Again._

She'd scrolled her email finding nothing but candle coupons and political parties asking for donations. She put her phone back on to maybe pull a full charge and grabbed the remote control and turned on her tv, perhaps there was something she could watch that wouldn't make her cry.

"Back To the Future" perfect.

She pulled the blanket over her legs and cuddled up into the pillows on her bed. She heard the knock on her door sometime later, excited to eat the only food that settled fine in her stomach and eased her hunger pains.

When she opened the door expecting her soup the sight of Ben shocked her a bit, but he was here and she was glad.

* * *

* * *

The kiss she left on his cheek had burned into his skin. He felt his heart flutter as she moved away from him leaving his skin burning wanting more.

He was sitting frozen, she had done the hard work. She had placed a room between the two of them like he asked, and he knew if he tried to follow her he may never have time to think through what he was feeling. He waited until he heard the front door close to move, he wanted to wait until there was more space to get out of bed again because he was scared as to which direction his feet would move him.

He ended up in the shower, he could feel her here. She'd been in this bathroom for maybe three minuets and she had already left her ghost here. It made for a quick shower because he didn't like the loneliness she'd left behind. 

Once he was out he blow dried his hair, he didn't know what he was doing that day but he was hoping the noise of the blowdryer would block out some of the thoughts in his head. It didn't work.

He felt his emotions extensively, that was something that Ben had always felt with. He used to be bullied at school because he was the little boy, the teenager, the young man who allowed himself to feel his feelings. Not letting them be buried behind a false layer of masculinity, his mother encouraged it, his father didn't understand it. He knew how to express his emotion because he felt them so extremely. 

He was sad at first, the loneliness sinking in that Rey wasn't here. Sad at the idea that his life was no longer about himself, it would now be about the child.

Then he turned to anger, not at Rey but at the situation they had gotten themselves into. They were both responsible for this, he knew that. He _got off_ on how badly she wanted him to finish inside of her he didn't even think to ask her if they were being safe.

Then he felt fear, fear that he would be to this child what his father was to him. Fear that this would come between the immense happiness he had found in Rey. 

_Rey_.

_Happiness._

In Ben's mind those words were one and the same.

_Why couldn't he let himself be happy?_

It had taken him all of the five minuets he'd used to dry his hair to realize how he felt. 

He walked himself to the closet for a clean change of clothes before he grabbed his wallet, phone, keys, and sunglasses and headed out the door. 

He'd pulled up to the hardware store and asked for help in the direction he was headed, he didn't want to waste anymore time trying to browse for what he needed. He'd grabbed his items and walked to the register. "You moving?" she asked as he placed everything on the belt.

"Yeah." he answered not in the mood for small talk.

He threw the boxes, tape and bubble wrap in the trunk of his car and pulled off placing his 'maps' to Rey's address.

He needed to talk to her. He wasn't looking forward to this conversation, he felt so guilty but it needed to happen sooner rather than later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you were all upset about me dragging out the agony but I guess you learn as you write FF. We live for the fluff. I am so sorry if this is the opposite of that but I will wrap up soon promise.
> 
> Song: Everything Is Just a Mess" - The Brook & The Bluff


	33. I Promise You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Sometimes if I shout, it's not what's intended  
>  These words just come out, with no cross to bear  
> I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say  
> I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be  
> But if you'll wait around awhile, I'll make you fall for me  
> I promise, I promise you" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am not feeling motivated to finish this work. I have straight up thought of abandoning it. I have been writing this here and there but I would just walk away from it and not want to post it. II don't know why, this is just what I am feeling.I am sorry this one is a bit shorter as well but I wanted it to stand alone. IDK if anything I do makes sense anymore to any of you but for me this was for the best.  
> I gave up on going back and forth between POV and just mixed it together sorry if you hate it. 
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter because it actually hurt to write.

Ben was wearing a look on his face that didn't calm her nerves, she gave him a smile hoping he couldn't notice the puffiness in her face from the excessive crying she'd been doing. There were no words between them and it almost was uncomfortable. _Almost._

Rey broke eye contact long enough to blink and that was enough to prompt Ben to ambush her with his presents. He charged at her standing in the door frame and he carefully pushed her back into her home and engulfed her in his arms. He wanted her closer than this but for the time being this was the best he could do. She felt warm in his embrace but she was apprehensive when she heard the heaving in his chest.

Ben was crying, not slightly but full on. His tears burned her as they fell off his cheeks onto the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around his broad torso as tight as she could trying to ground him but his sobs wouldn't relent. She was bewildered by him, unable to tell what he was thinking and what brought him to her in such an emotional state but he was holding her and taking comfort in her arms and that was a good sign as far as she could tell.

"Rey I-" he started and his eyes dropped to the floor as if he was embarrassed as to what he was about to say. "I uh- well I owe you an apology." His breath was shaking and unsure. He was feeling naked in front of a crowd. 

Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach as those words came out, _now what?_ she thought, _How could this hurt anymore than it does_?

She didn't say anything and her face was stoic as she stared at the back of the front door now closed behind Ben. 

"I. was. sel- fish. to. ask. for. time. like. that." He paused adding a staccato to each syllable as he was choking his words out while trying to calm his breathing.

Rey didn't dare move, she didn't know where this was going but she didn't want to stop the roll he was on. She flexed her hold on him and began running her hands over the expanse of his back. Calming him into her touch, reassuring her presents in his mind. Loving him unconditionally. 

He calmed himself after a long silence, he started again, "When you found out you were alone in New York, thinking I was off with some-" his words trailed off as he swallowed back the idea of Jess "You found out and still did nothing but think of me and my happiness and it was wrong of me to demand time from you when you didn't - you - didn't" his eyes started to tear and he went silent for a moment before he could continue with a steady breath "You didn't get time, so why should I?" he seemed to have a small glimpse of strength as his hand stopped moving and he peered his gaze up at her. 

She pulled herself back from the waist up to lean back and look at him before she responded. "Ben, I-" she was speechless

"I'm so sorry, Rey. You told me after we had the most incredible night, and you told me you loved me, and I still pushed you away." He was crying again, and she felt everything in her body scream to relieve his pain. She didn't move, because he was right and this was not going to be one sided on her part. No one comforted her when she was in the tub, he needed to know he was wrong even if that meant bawling in her entry way. "Please forgive me." he pleaded at her, "I am so sorry, sweetheart." His tears started flowing fast again and that was enough for her. 

She crashed back into his arms, his hands wrapped around her back and hers went over his shoulders and he hunched his stature down to be held by her. His cry shuttered out into shallow breathes and she found herself pulling her face to his. Inches apart she looked down at his lips and back to his eyes. 

"What do you want, Ben?" she whispered her lips nearly on his now. 

Ben was still he was so scared of everything he'd been so certain about, he was always so confident in himself but the idea of not having Rey made him a mess. A loss he couldn't handle, not again. 

"I want you, and eve-" his eyes weld up with tears as he looked up at her big beautiful eyes. The eyes he could get lost in for the rest of his life. She looked back at him with a wrinkle in one of her eyebrows and her nose scrunched up in a very 'Rey' fashion. He stumbled his words but there was no more avoiding his feelings and he gathered ever bit of bravery left inside what felt like his cold shell of a body.

"Everything that comes along with that. I want you to move in to the apartment you designed with me. I want to stay in Chicago and work my boring job because I will get to come home to you. I want to buy all your shampoo from now on. I want to watch your- your-" his throat closing chocking harder fighting it in any way he could because he was desperate to let her know how he felt. 

He began again with as much sturdiness as his emotion would allow, "I want to watch you grow, and create the most perfect child the world will ever see." 

Rey stood matching his eyes and as soon he spoke her tears fell while the rest of her body stayed impossibly still. She was in shock, it was so much all at once and everything she always dreamed she would hear from the lips of the only man she thought she could ever love. The man who looked at her now with nothing but desperate need and affection. She could feel her stomach flip but not with the sickness she had been feeling non stop. For the first time in months she felt true utter happiness, no lies, no secrets. Pure happiness. She let her mouth rise with her wide toothy grin and her nose wrinkled up. 

"You want me?" she said with a smile but still taunted with the sound of disbelief. 

Ben wanted to roll his eyes at her, but instead he stepped closer to her and smashed his lips into her smile until she returned the deep passion of his kiss. 

He kissed her again, hard. He breached her lips with his tongue and placed his arms around her small frame. She fit perfectly in the expanse between his arms, this space could be her's for as long as she'd let him give it to her. She pulled her hands above his and wrapped her hands around his neck her fingers weaving into his thick black hair. He felt chills run down his legs and overwhelm his entire body. He had dreamed of her every night he'd been away. Overwhelmed by her being now felt too perfect to be real.

He broke his kiss but not his hold, backing an inch from her lips he gasped at the air and he responded, "For me, it's you."

She pushed herself back into his kiss and his hands wandered up the entierty of her back. He lifted her at the hips and she wrapped her legs tight around his waist with no hesitation. She moaned at the friction she gained being wrapped around his thick middle. He took this as a sign to move her to her bedroom. Moving from the entrance and supporting both of them Ben managed to kick his shoes off at the door. When he reached Rey's room he pinned her against her open bedroom door as he pulled his lips back and encouraged her to remove her sweater. His hands found the bottom hem and slid up to the supple skin of her breast. Her breath caught at the feeling of his flesh on hers and she wiggled with anticipation. _She needed him._

She pulled her sweater up exposing her bare skin beneath it and she pulled the back of his neck to direct his mouth back to hers.

He pulled her from the door and laid her down slowly on her bed letting his lips trail down her jaw and sucking small quick love bites to her neck. He pulled back and removed his jacket as she got to work on his button up. She was halfway down his shirt and he started undoing his belt as both of their hands shook in anticipation. She pulled him on top of her as soon as she undid the last button and before crashing into her again he pulled the shell of his shirt away and discarded it. 

She let her hands wonder up and down his beautiful pale skin kissed with beautiful little freckles and moles as he let his mouth return to the soft skin on her neck. His hands were frantic running up and down her body like he was trying to memorize the feel of her. She pushed his torso away from hers and she slid her pants down encouraging him to keep his lips on her neck but they ran down her sternum and she shivered with need. 

He looked up at her making eye contact with her deep green eyes that were overcome with passion. His hands dropped below her now exposed waist and he growled at the beautiful sight of her laying there bare under him. He let his kisses trail lower and lower until he was at her hip bone. He could feel her breathing become frequent and shallow and that fed the hunger he had been feeling under his jeans. He wanted to make her feel good, to say sorry with his body as best he could. 

When he planted a long kiss to the skin under her belly button he carefully let his hands lift her perfect thighs up and around his shoulders as he sunk off the side of her bed. He pulled her to the edge and his face was now lined up with the perfect sight of her cunt in his face. He could tell she was ready by the sight of her, she was dripping for him. Her neck strained as she was desperately trying to watch his actions and he planned to put on the show she wanted. He kept his eyes glued to hers as he leaned in slightly running his cheek along the inside of her thigh placing a sweet kiss there she moaned at his simple teasing and he could tell she was about to be putty in his hands.

He leaned forward in a quick surprising motion and licked down her middle in a long line. Tasting her in his mouth he made an animalistic noise. He was ready and twitching at the need in her eyes the need for him. He was so overcome with the lust and love he felt for this perfect creature beneath him.

"So sweet." he praised her and she rolled her neck back at his simple words. He dipped his head once again and focused his mouth on the burning bundle of nerves that was begging to be worshiped in between her legs. He placed his right hand in the folds of her playing with the wetness she had created for him. It made him groan as he let his tongue please her perfect little cunt.

He let his hand tease her entrance, hardly breaching her and removing it quickly. She was growing wild at his teasing and he placed one finger slightly deeper before she rocked herself down onto it. He wanted to tell her she was being naughty, what a bad girl she was but this was about her and her need for him inside of her made him burst with his own hunger. He moved two fingers into her and she threw he head back and her body shook gripping his fingers as tight as she could. 

"Good girl" he moaned as he returned to loving her the best way he knew how. His hand worked in and out of her and she felt herself feel closer and closer to her sweet relief. She was moaning but most of the noise didn't come out. Her throat was not able to express how amazing he'd made her feel in this moment. 

"Ben" she struggled to say and his eyes darted up to her seeing her back had come up off the bed and she was practically sitting up. Her gentile hands moving through his hair. The sight of her overcame his senses and he began moving his tongue and hand faster. He knew what she needed and he would be that for her. He hummed into her desperately wanted her to feel how needed she was.

"Ben, I need you." she moaned down at him and he looked up at her slowing his movements, "please" she begged and his eyes went soft. If that's what she really wanted he was not going to fight her on it. 

He pulled himself off the floor and started to shed his jeans as she moved herself back on the bed until she felt the pillows beneath her head. She pulled herself under the blanket despite the warmth he had created in her core. He pulled himself free and his length snapped out of his waist band and he crawled towards Rey with all his love and lust pouring out of him.

She kissed him, lost in the taste of her in his mouth. It was her claim on this beautiful man who she loved so deeply. _Mine._

She pulled his body down as it laid on hers and she flourished in the feeling of his semi supported weight on her as she ran her hands up and down his muscular back feeling the tenderness of his hold on her. She felt as if she had willed Ben into existence, there was no way this man was real. He was her everything. She felt that to be so painfully true in this moment.

"Please" she said again wishing for nothing more than to be closer to him in any way she could manage. Ben's breath caught at her words and he slowed himself into her, and he moved his hips back slightly. She moved her legs to wrap around him once more feeling her feet land on his firm perfect ass. She felt his full length enter her she pulled her and arched her chest up as if she could make more room inside of her for him. He moved slowly at first, until he saw the look in her eyes, the way she was marveling at him.

She hadn't noticed it before and in this moment she couldn't understand how it had escaped her. _Those arms_.

Her hands got greedy at his biceps when she saw the beautiful way the flexed as he supported himself above her body. The contours that were created as he moved inside her make her want to scream. She crashed back into his mouth briefly as he picked up the pace and she had thrown her head back at the impossible fullness she felt in that moment. Nothing else could matter right now. 

She felt herself fill with pleasure at the sweet nosies Ben made with each movement inside of her. She reached one of her arms up to push his beautiful black hair out of his face, she needed to see him.

"Fucking hell, Baby" he let slip in a strained breath. He could feel himself tangle at the edge of his completion as he felt her tightness claim every inch of his cock. His head spun at the sight of her wiggling under him unable to process the glorious thought that this woman, this beautiful woman was his. 

"Fuck" she yelled and he could feel his dick twitch at the sound of her words. Her walls started contracting around him and she started shaking under him and screaming his name. "Ben, oh God Ben, please Ben- don't stop. Fuck."

"Come for me, sweetheart." He said it softly, sweet like nothing would make him happier and it was music to her ears. 

Her head fell back and her legs straightened out removing themselves from his waist and he knew what she was pleading for and he was more than happy to oblige. He felt his climax and road it out with her, both of them trying to breath through the nerves of their bodies colliding into ecstasy. He pulled himself back from her removing himself from her and landed his head on her stomach as they both had heaving chests. Rey's hands moved to his locks and began rubbing their way across his head. 

When Ben was finally able to breath at a somewhat normal pace he lifted his eyes and reached up to palm Rey's face in his large hand, "I love you, Rey." he said to her softly and meaning it with every fiber of who he was. She smiled at him again, "I'll be here for all of it. I promise you I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is special you guys. This song inspired the fan fic. I heard it again recently and it reminded me of the determination Rey and Ben had for each other from TFA all the way to the end. I will forever be a Reylo Stan, but I hope you will treat me with care. This is my first fan fiction and I have so many more ideas for my future on here but I know that this Ben and Rey will always mean so much to me because they introduced me to the entire community. Star Wars became an obsession of mine when I was in a dark place and it brings me genuine happiness and that is in no small part because of the Star Wars fans and the amazing community that comes along with it. Also can we just marvel at sweet soft boi Ben?! Ugh I am in love with him and it's so so sad. 
> 
> Song of the Chapter: "The Promise" -When In Rome


	34. Don't Break My Heart Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I am not gonna lie this is a short one but I felt so bad not updating for this long and honestly I've been feeling some type of way. I know how it is though when you want to know what happens in a Fic so I hope this will get you through and I promise to keep working until the end. In other news I have started a new Fic but it hasn't been released yet. Its a Kylo/Ben X reader High School AU it's had my heart for the last few weeks. Idk when I will get far enough into it that I start posting but I hope you will read that one as well. 
> 
> I love you guys!

Rey was holding Ben's head on her lap both of their bodies bare and warm indulging in the afterglow of pure love. She was muling over everything he was promising her and trying not to feel completely overwhelmed. The sun was pouring in her window and the slight chill in the air was balanced with the heat the mid day sun and Ben's large body provided. She felt pure and utter bliss. She felt a draft and her skin reacted with goosebumps and her nipples hardened on her chest but she was too deep in thought to even notice. "Ben?" she whispered quietly. She didn't want to disrupt this moment of perfection but she had questions only he could answer and they were heavy on her mind. 

"Yes, my dear? he said sleepily not moving his head from under her fingers. 

"I think we should talk about everything, clear it up. No questions unanswered, please. I am so tired of feeling on edge and I want to just wrap up in the love that I feel in my soul for you." It was a heavy way to start a heavy conversation but nothing came easy for Rey besides words, which is why she was so good at her job.

"Don't break my heart now." he warned playfully trying to ease the mood, "ask away" she said lifting his head and planting a kiss on her stomach. 

"You want me to move in with you?" It was the biggest promise he had made to her alone and she hadn't stopped thinking about it since the words came out of his perfect mouth. If she was being honest this was what she also wanted but it was so soon. Rose and Skip dated for almost 3 years before Rose completely left her family home. Rey knew that this had felt right, not even considering the child but she wanted to be sure that he was sure. 

"Rey, I don't know if you know this but I adore you. I spent a pretty penny making that apartment look like somewhere you could see yourself living, but you can change anything about it you don't like. I'll sell it and we can get our own place if you'd prefer. Shit if you said so I think I could even stomach the suburbs."

She shook her head in disgust at that word, no she would not leave her beautiful city. "Ben, we haven't been officially dating for 24 hours and you want me to move in with you? Don't you think it's too soon?"

"Do you think it's too soon?"

"Well, I mean I think it's soon but-"

"but what?"

"But I want to live with you, I'm worried what other people will-"

"Nope" he cut her off standing up and grabbing his boxers from the floor. 

"Ben?" Rey questioned confessed at his movements. He put his boxers on and grabbed his jeans fishing for something in the pockets. He grabbed his keys and dropped his pants back on the ground. 

"Ah hah" he said holding his car keys as some form of victory. He started walking down the hall. 

Rey stood grabbing the blanket from the bed and wrapping it around herself, "Ben, where are you going?" she called after him but she only saw the man open the door as he walked bare out into the snow. "Ben?!" She yelled as he hissed at the frozen ground chilling his feet. He pulled things out of the back of his car but Rey was too busy laughing at him to realize what he was doing. "what in the hell is wrong with you, Ben?"

He pushed her back to get himself back inside and he shook off the chill. He held up the moving boxes in his hands and thats when it registered to Rey what he was doing. "Where should we start?"

"Ben, I-"

"Is this what you want?" 

"Yes, but I just-"

"Okay well this is what I want too, this is what I have wanted since I slept next to you and gave you shit about having a TV in your room.This is why there is now a TV in my bedroom. This is what is right for us and if it's right for us, if we are having a child together why the hell does it matter what other people think about our living situations?" Rey looked at him with the purest love in her heart, even now he was fighting for her. 

"The bedroom" she mumbled, she gave a cough and then said again a little louder. "We should start in the bedroom."

He bent down to kiss her lips and she fell into him, he dropped the boxes behind him and wrapped her in his arms. She opened the blanket allowing him access to her body heat and he groaned at the sight of her naked body. "My love, if you don't put clothes on we will never get anything done." He bent to his knees and started kissing her stomach she stepped back and walked into her bedroom. 

"Well come on then we have to pack." she called after him. He groaned and she laughed at his annoyance but hey, he asked for this. 

They talked the entire time they packed, she was having a hard time getting used to the idea that he had said they were doing this together. Since she found out she had been telling herself she would be doing this alone. Expect the worst and hope for the best, this reaction that Ben was giving her was better than she could have ever hoped. She told him so, he looked at her with sadness, she knew he felt bad that he wasn't there for her from the start and she was sad she hadn't given him the choice. 

"I am going to be super bummed when I lose my lease on this place and you decide to date someone who knows how to use birth control properly." She joked at him. His hand landed on her lap and he squeezed her thigh. 

"If you want I can pay the rent on this place until you're comfortable, so you have a back up plan."

"No Ben, thats ridiculous I don't want you paying for it because I am insecure. " It almost hurt Reys feelings the way he tried to assure he would take care of her.

"Rey, you- you're a part of me now, and the last thing I want is for you to think you're stuck with me."

"Ben, I work really hard and I may not have as much money as you but I make more than enough to know I am not stuck anywhere. If I had to be stuck with someone though, I'd pick you." 

"Fuck, Rey I didn't mean to suggest that you needed my mon-"

"Is this a big ploy to split the rent with me? You cant afford all those upgrades?" She was trying to lighten his mood, Ben had a bad habit of beating himself up that she had noticed. She didn't want him to start now, she knew he respected her work but she didn't want a back up plan. Her heart was all in with him.

He laughed at her while she continued to pack the little trinkets that littered her bookshelf. There was so much she would be leaving behind in this place and uprooting it all for Ben. He had just spent all this money on beautiful brand new furniture and she highly doubted that her saved from salvage wall art would find a home in his or thier apartment. She was more than happy to have a fresh start but like all things that come to and end it was bittersweet. 

"We're going to need to rent a truck move your bigger things." He told her. 

"Why would I bring my bigger things? You just got all new furniture." She said back it was confusing as to why he would assume she would bring her thrift market bookshelf?

"Well we are going to have to redecorate again, I didn't plan on a nursery. I like the idea of having every little part of you around, and the baby might like to have these pieces of you."

She was crying, ugly crying. Fucking hormones.

The sun had turned the sky a beautiful span of colors that mimicked sherbert ice cream. They had filled the handful of boxes Ben had bought and started to fill her roll away suit case with things she would need right away. She wanted to be in bed, her morning sickness had made her appetite disappear and she had been feeling weak from her lack of nourishment. They decided to call it a night and head home, to their home.

When they walked through the lobby Ben stopped at the desk while Rey called the elevator, he returned with a few folders of paperwork. Rey raised her eyebrow at him and he smiled back, "Parking spot rental, and additional tenant request forms, so you can get a key fob amenities access all that." he said back at her. This wasn't a sleepover, Ben was ready for her to stay a while and emotion and fatigue hit her at once. She started crying in the lobby, Ben looked mortified at first wondering what was broken but when she kissed him through the wetness of tears and a bit of snot he just let her have her fit. He wrapped his arms around her, not trying to fix or comfort her he was just letting her be. 


	35. You're Ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves, long time no see. This one has been a bit of a challenge for me to wrap up as this is my first fic. Any how this chapter is from Finn's POV it is a little different but I hope you like it. I promise I will finish this story I just need some time. I do have another Fic if you want to read it would mean a lot to me. It's a bit different from this one but I hope you'll give it a chance I am having a lot of fun writing it.

Finn woke to the soft chime of the alarm he set on his phone, he grabbed it from the side table and smiled. The light danced in the window through the sheer white linen curtains. Though the room was not going to be like this much longer, Rey had insisted that the guest room not be converted until after the wedding. It was only 8 am and Finn could already feel the butterflies raising in his stomach. He tossed his phone on the bed next to him as he sat up. He felt the blood rush to his head and he couldn't tell if it was excitement or nerves. 

There had never been a man like Poe Dameron. Finn had crushes even suiters in the past, but Poe was Finn's first that really truly mattered. He was the first man to make his heart rate accelerate by just providing a simple look. He was the first man to make Finn feel comfortable in who he was not just physically but emotionally as well. Poe had changed his world almost immediately after meeting him. It wasn't elaborate or cute but it was right for them. Finn almost couldn't believe when he swiped right that it was a match. 

He thinks he'd started with something along the lines of "Hi handsome" but there had been so many more talks, feelings, and perfect moments between them that those ones in the beginning felt like distant unimportant memories. He does remember the first time they met in person, he could never forget that day it was the first time Finn had experience the perfect moments Poe was capable of bringing into Finn's life. 

Finn wore some faded jeans the covered the top of his dark brown combat boots. A long sleeve red button down and he had his hair back in 5 short braids. He looked nice, and he knew that because he stared at himself for about a half hour in the mirror before he left the apartment. It was spring time in the city and the atmosphere felt fresh and crisp and the wind was strong. The air floating around his head made him dizzy, and it wasn't until he approached the coffee shop that he felt grounded. The brown eyed man was sitting there waiting for Finn to arrive. He had a coat hanging over the back of one of the chairs in the outdoor seating section but quickly abandoned the table and his belongings to reach the door before Finn could open it himself. All Poe offered was a simple,"hello" before opening the door. In an instant Finn knew this was going to be the greatest love of his life. The energy created around them with such a simple world was palpable and it made the world blur behind him. More than a spark, more than a crush, this was it.

Poe had been charming, it came natural to him and Finn was practically eating out of the palm of his hand. Poe had paid for Finn's coffee which was something he thought was polite but unnecessary. Poe had money and anyone who could catch a glimpse at his watch could tell you that. He didn't dress in a way that matched his watch when he wasn't working, Poe didn't care about things that weren't electronics. He'd spend money thousands on a watch but refuse to spend more than $100 on a pair of shoes. He liked technology and spent most of his money on his gadgets. 

When they both received their coffee they returned to the outside table where they remained for nearly 2 hours. The conversation was flowing effortlessly between them and it was clear to both of them that this connection was a once in a lifetime. They chatted about work and friends the usual stuff, Finn told him almost immediately about him familial situation, things he wouldn't normally say on a first date, but Poe eased his nerves made him comfortable and it fell out. Poe looked into his eyes the brown pooling in deep understanding, Poe took Finn's hand when he noticed Finn's unease. "Hey, family is not a choice. You'll understand when you meet my cousin." The word Finn heard, and Poe intended was "when" not "if", "when" Finn knew that meant Poe was as into this as he was. They were inseparable after that day. If Poe wasn't working or was in town, Finn was beside him. Rey met him a week later, Poe took him on a vacation a week after that and it was a matter of months before Finn moved in, they were two that fit perfectly intertwined. 

Finn could shake his head trying not to get wrapped up in the memory, he couldn't cry not yet at least he needed to save it because he knew himself and there was no doubt going to be tears. He pulled himself into the bathroom connected to Rey and Ben's guest room and started the shower. He brushed his teeth and got in to let the water wash over his muscles and he relaxed into the heat of the water. He wrapped himself in a robe before exiting the bathroom and grabbed a loose pair of shorts and a tank top. Walking into the hallway he could smell what Rey was cooking up for him. He loved Rey's cooking, she had usually cooked for Finn before Poe showed up and demanded he be more self sufficient. It never felt like Poe was changing Finn because in reality he wasn't, he was helping him grow. For so long Finn was told to go here do this, go there do this. Finn had lived in a black and white world and Poe showed up and taught Finn all the colors.

Rey was cooking potato hash and eggs, sure this was going to make both of them bloated but that didn't mean either of them cared. Finn was sure that Poe was going to start drinking in the late afternoon to calm his nerves and he wouldn't mind if beneath the suit his husband would be a little bloated. Rey was 7 months pregnant and bloating was practically her norm. 

"Hey, smells amazing in here." Finn could smell the onion and garlic Rey had cooked into the potatoes and the copious amounts of butter that had cooked off leaving them crisp and brown around the edges. 

"I was going to wait until you were up before I started the eggs, but this is perfect these potatoes are almost done." Rey shot back over her shoulder with a smile. She was thoughtful all of the time, but sometimes she was a little too task oriented. Finn knew this he found out long ago, he didn't mind.

"After you're done, because I know I cannot stop you and I also really want this food, you need to rest." He said to her through a cheeky grin.

She laughed a full belly laugh and waved the spatula in the air telling him to continue his sassy remark, without turning she responded, "Just like a man"

"I'm serious, Rey. I am already nervous about you standing up there for the entire ceremony, the last thing I need is my pregnant best man to pass out in the middle of my vows." 

"I told you, I will be fine. Plus Ben is going to fight anyone who won't make room for him to sit in the front row. I am sure if I so much as sigh he will rush up and grab me."

It had been cute really seeing Ben be protective over Rey's every move since she moved into his apartment. She had taken it over with her little touches and it really felt like her place as much as it was Ben's. Ben was a bit extreme at times, he'd try to get Rey a driver so she wouldn't have to take the L anymore she was annoyed by that and refused so they settled on Rey driving herself in but Ben, without Rey's knowledge went and got her a new SUV claiming it was a baby shower gift. That's not how baby showers work, Ben learned. It was a rough few days but Ben backed down a bit after that but was still very intense about Rey being as safe as possible. Rey kept the car, she knew it was safer for the baby plus she really liked the fact that every feature the car offered was in working order. 

* * *

After they ate Rey had arranged someone to come to the apartment to fix Finn's hair and give him a manicure. She'd be getting her hair and makeup done in the mean time. Rey was bummed that she couldn't drink but that didn't stop Finn from breaking into a bottle of Monet. He started to relax after his 2nd drink and started to slow down when the bubbles really hit his head.

It wasn't until Rey was adjusting his tie that the butterflies had lifted back into his belly. Rey had lifted her hands from his tie to his shoulders. She dusted them off though there was nothing visible it was more of a gesture in telling him, "You're ready" she looked up and caught his eyes. 

"You look amazing my love." She choked out as her tears began to fall. "I love you and him so much, there is nothing in this world I have seen that was more right than you being with Poe. That being said I have your back no matter what, I am team Finn. If you want to run and hide, I will call you stupid, but I will run and hide with you always." She chuckled though her tears trying to calm her emotions. 

Finn laughed too, they both knew that despite the nerves he was feeling, there was no doubt that Finn was beyond committed to the man he was about to marry. Rey wrapped her arms around him and Finn breathed into her embrace pulling her close to him. His love, his best friend, his little sister, his family. She was so much to Finn and to hear her unconditional devotion to Finn was what he needed to feel like he was standing in the light of his own life. Rey had been more than he thought he ever deserved and when Poe came into the picture his heart was so full. 

They released one another and Rey laced her arm through his, she was giving him away because of corse she was. The music started and the doors opened together giving Finn just enough time to take one last deep breathe. Seeing his handsome tan soul mate at the end of the isle took away half the nerves but added to his racing heartbeat. He was a little nervous Poe would come to his senses and not show up, now he just had to make sure he said 'yes' and then there really was no getting away. Poe was a sight to see waiting for Finn to come take his hand and promise forever.

The room is filled with friends and Poe's family. The white flowers and botanical greenery line the isle and the alter where Poe was standing next to Brian and Dave, his best men. 

Poe's beautiful eyes found Finn's immediately and a big goofy smile spread across his face. He beamed happiness and pride as Finn walked closer to him. Finn, his Finn was here to choose Poe and the beauty of this declaration was not lost on Poe. He could explode from the happiness right there and then. The music played slow and Finn's feet seemed to be floating to meet Poe he'd lost all sense of Rey's hold on him, he could think of nothing but Poe. Poe, his forever and always. 


	36. My Girlfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no update. I am sorry I am going to wrap up this story with just a few more chapters and I am hoping you won't have to wait another 2 months. Thanks for sticking with me guys. You mean the world. 
> 
> This chapter is SMUT HEAVY ;)

**~5 months ago~**

Rey was growing but not by much, her small frame remained. Her morning sickness was subsiding which was a more than welcomed gift of the second trimester. 

Windswept through the sun-drenched window and carried the air through the room that would be the nursery. Right now it was the guest room with a few pieces of boxed furniture stored in the closet but it was still special to Ben. 

He couldn't wait to be a dad. But this morning he was just in here waiting. Rey had a rough night her body still adjusting to the growing pains and the stretching ligaments and muscles she was dealing with. Ben would rub her back and feet, bring her a hot water bottle or an ice pack but sometimes nothing helped and nights were restless. He wanted so much to be able to take the pain away from her. Seeing what she had to go through and the way she was still refusing to let her work at the time slow, Ben knew. 

Leia was coming today and his nerves couldn't be contained. He loved his mother she was an astonishing woman but for some reason, she brought more anger from him than anyone. Leia was meeting Rey for the first time and Ben was a bundle of nerves. There was little to no argument about the visit from Ben when he told his mom that he was going to be a father. She insisted on coming and scouting her out. Ben could let himself worry desperately about the day ahead but he would rather be here now. The nursery was his place to feel like a dad. He was not carrying or creating the life he would care for but even just in this room, the world recognized his fatherhood. 

Rey had been busy for the last few weeks jumping back into her work and helping Finn with something to do with food for the wedding. He hadn't seen much of her this week outside of the late-night massages and bubble baths he would run for her. He missed her but he loved how he was able to care for her. It felt like he was being productive in something rewarding for the first time in his entire life. 

He sat on the edge of the bed watching the sunrise over the city when he heard the sound of feet on the hardwoods in the hallway. 

"Mr. Solo, what are you doing?" He turned to see a half naked sleepy looking Rey staring at him with a devilish grin on her face. 

"I am trying desperately to give my pregnant girlfriend all the room in our bed to get her much needed sleep." He stood and walked in her direction. Her body was now leaning against the doorframe as she watched his movements. 

"I am well rested, Ben. No need to worry." She leaned in for a kiss as Ben wrapped his arms around her waist. She knit her brow in confusion as to why he had been withholding his affection. 

"Is it Ben or Mr.Solo?"

"Well, that depends my love."

"On what?" he raised his brow loving the playful banter they were engaging in. 

She leaned into him letting her plan rest on his groin. Her lips just an inch above his and she whispered, 

"Whichever one makes your dick throb for me."

"Oh, baby girl. I think you know the answer to that one." He growled over her lips. 

"Well, Mr.Solo what are you going to do about it?" She smiled again ever so slyly at him and he pulled her closer grabbing onto her nearly bare ass and lifting her to his chest. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her back into their room. He placed her on the bed before taking care to remove his t-shirt from her frame. He removed his sweater as she pulled her panties down her hips. 

"Lay back for me." He said in a gentle voice. She obeyed. 

"Yes, Mr. Solo." she smiled again and he tsked at her. 

He positioned himself between her legs laying on his elbows with his face falling into her cunt. His hardening length straining against his sweats as he kissed her perfect pussy. She let out a loud groan as his tongue traced her. He felt her thigh muscles clench as he snaked his arms under each of her knees spreading her open for his easy access.

"You taste like a fucking dream, angel." He continued lapping at her juices making her whither under him. He let his hands travel up her bare chest grabbing her tits gently. 

"Ben, of fuck- yes Ben oh my fuck. Yes yes yes yes yes yes."

She gushed all over his face as she came. He lapped it up like a starved man receiving a meal. He crawled up her body leaning down to kiss her. He quickly yanked down his sweats letting his cock bounce out. 

"Oh, Princess I am going to make you feel so fucking good." He growled stuffing himself inside of her. Her legs flew up to wrap around his torso as he pumped into her. Her moans filled the room as he slammed into her making her body quiver with pleasure. He took his time moving in and out of her feeling every last ridge inside of her clasp around him. He could feel his impending orgasm coming and he started swearing. 

"Oh, fuck" His hips went sloppy with his thrusts. 

"Ben, please let me taste you. Please I need to taste you." That pushed him. 

He pulled himself from her and shoved himself in her mouth. She opened her throat for him as he moved down further fully fucking her face. Her head bobbed with his motions until his warm cum coated her throat. She let out a sigh as she tasted the salt fall further inside her. 

He rolled over, laying himself down sweaty and out of breath. 

"We need to get ready."

"I know" He groaned.

"She will be here soon Ben and I can't have you looking like you just got your soul stolen from your body."

They both laughed but he didn't get up.

He couldn't move and even if he could he was still terrified that his mom was coming. He wanted his mom to like Rey, and Rey to like her. It was different since Rey didn't have parents to meet. Ben felt like no one would ever be good enough for Rey so he wanted to make sure he and his family were a fit for her. She could belong with the very weird dynamic the Organa- Solo's have created together. It wasn't perfect but it was his family. The baby's family. 

In all honesty Ben wasn't all that nervous about his mom, he knew Rey could win anyone over. He was worried about what was accompanying his mother. The ring she removed when she and Han had divorced. The one his grandma Padme had worn, the one he hoped and prayed that Rey too would wear. 


End file.
